Dan Buglio agrees with you in his video below. He says he got better even though at the time his marriage was bad (and eventually led to a divorce). My experience of having a very stressful job that I hated was that after I left it, suffering from what I then thought of as 'burn out' (extreme fatigue and 'fibromyalgia', before I knew anything about mind/body/TMS), was that afterwards my symptoms remained the same and then actually got worse. Just getting away from the stress didn't magically make my symptoms go away. Had I have left and immediately done mind/body/TMS work, I don't know, maybe it would have been a different story, but I didn't do 'the work' until many years later.
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Those constant symptoms...
- Thread starter Rusty Red
- Start date
Rabscuttle
Beloved Grand Eagle
Yeah I don’t think you need to leave your job. Perhaps reacting differently to the stress it evokes is a change that might be necessary, or practicing gratitude for what it does grant you. When I first developed significant symptoms post vasectomy, in a panic I put my notice in at my job (that I liked, especially my coworkers who I still dearly miss) and decided to move back home from a city I enjoyed. In hindsight I definitely did not need to do that, but I absolutely would’ve had to make some personality overhauls had I stayed. I let my symptoms make me super bitter and jaded, in addition to becoming fearful of making mistakes at work Additionally I completely isolated myself socially. I think there’s zero chance I recover in that city without addressing those personality ‘quirks’. But I definitely didn’t need to leave the job or move to recover. I know that now. Maybe I would’ve been better off had I stayed. Who knows. Wasn’t TMS aware at the time and was in such a dark place.
Rusty Red
Well known member
Thank you both, this is helpful. I definitely live in a place of fear of mistakes at work after being let go from probation of a really good job many years ago. Journaling tonight led me to realizing that connects with being so fearful now of losing my job. I definitely need to work on my mindset there.
JanAtheCPA
Beloved Grand Eagle
To me this is nothing more than someone who still doesn't get it. Just because someone is a "regular" doesn't mean they are even successful, never mind that they are an effective mentor, or that they don't still need guidance to change their mindset. I would want to challenge that stated belief for the benefit of other members and perhaps provoke a thoughtful discussion, perhaps examine why this person believes these two things for herself, and if she's willing to allow that they might not apply to others. Or, depending on the person's history in the group and her influence on others, I might also just ignore her and move on.
Continuing for a moment with this particular comment, the point is that it's not one's personality that needs to change, but it is definitely one's mindset that must change. Being attached to an old paradigm is the primary reason for failure to progress.
As for changing one's life - well, sometimes that's what it has to take, although as @Rabscuttle says, it's going to be highly individual. I can think of two life changes that I think ARE essential:
1. If there is any kind of exposure to physical danger
2. Addictions of any type. Note that addictions take MANY different forms, from the worst substance abuse to the mildest OCD and procrastination - and everything in between. This includes addictions to individuals or behaviors or activities even if they don't appear on the surface to be harmful, until the addictive nature is examined with complete honesty.
@Rusty Red, I think you already know that your desire to leave the group because of this comment says more about you than about her. It goes back to your reasons for joining that particular group (about which I know nothing). Your recovery still, and always, lies within you, it's not going to come from others. Look to your mindset.
I also think it's time for you to stop bringing up your damn job. You're truly not doing yourself any favors by dwelling on how much you hate it and what a victim you are - and we are not doing you any favors by enabling that behavior, especially as playing the victim is most assuredly an addiction. If the job is where you have to stay, then figure out how to live with it and stop talking about it. I'll be the first to offer my congratulations when you actually do change that aspect of your life.
I asked perplexity.ai about this for you and it came up with these, what seem to me to be helpful, suggestions:
You can recover from mind-body symptoms (like those in Tension Myositis Syndrome or TMS) even while staying in a job you dislike, as long as it provides the flexibility you need for your son's virtual schooling at home. The approach involves fully acknowledging your tough situation, changing unhelpful thought patterns, processing bottled-up feelings, creating small moments of calm during the workday, and gently reminding yourself this won't last forever. These steps lower your body's stress response, which often drives the pain, tension, or fatigue.
Fully acknowledge your tough situation
It's completely understandable to feel stuck: you need this job's unique balance of working from home and office time to support your son, yet you dislike it and worry that any mistake could lead to losing it all. This mix of responsibility, frustration, and fear creates heavy emotional pressure, which experts like Dr. Sarno say commonly triggers mind-body symptoms in caring, perfectionistic people. Simply naming this out loud or in writing—"I'm handling a lot right now for solid family reasons, and that weight is real"—helps release some of its hold on your body.
Change your inner story from threat to choice
Your mind often turns facts into scary stories, like "I'm trapped here with no options" or "One error means I'm fired and everything falls apart." Instead, practice saying both sides are true: "This job gives me stability and time with my son, even though it frustrates me". Borrow from Dan Ratner's teachings with simple power phrases like: "Right now, I'm choosing this job as the best tool for my family's needs; I'm capable enough to manage slip-ups without disaster." Repeating these during quiet moments builds a sense of control, which calms fear and reduces symptom flares.
Express feelings and track mistakes realistically
Take time each day to write freely about what bothers you—the job's boredom, resentment, anger, or that anxious voice saying "What if I mess up and get fired?"—without judging or fixing it. Then respond with real facts: "Even top performers make errors all the time, and my steady contributions make sudden firing unlikely." Keep a simple weekly log of actual mistakes, like "Forgot to copy someone on an email—corrected it quickly, no problem," to prove most are small and survivable. This "outcome independence" practice—focusing on reality over worst-case fears—quiets your brain's alarm system and eases physical symptoms, as described by Sarno and others.
Create small pockets of calm and safety at work
Make the job feel less threatening by adding tiny supports: decide on a "good enough" point to stop working each day (a clear boundary), enjoy a short pleasure like tea or a walk right after work to signal "shift over," and once daily note something positive like how the flexibility helps your son (adding meaning). Specifically for mistake fears, before key tasks take one minute to breathe deeply into your belly while listing three true security facts, such as, "My consistent results over time protect me more than perfect days ever could." —this focuses on long-term proof of worth, quieting the "one error ends it" alarm that amps up symptoms.
Remind yourself this is temporary
Hopelessness about being stuck forever ramps up symptoms, so gently hold space for the future without pressure: "This is just one chapter—over time, work that fits me better can come." No need to act now; just knowing change is possible someday reduces the trapped feeling. Combining all these steps shrinks the overall threat your body senses from the job and fears, often bringing real relief while you prioritize your son.
Mr Hip Guy
Beloved Grand Eagle
I think how you interpret that word "change" is all the difference.
Do they mean a "change" as in complete upheaval of your life to the extent of getting a divorce, quitting a job, and/or moving to another country? Maybe, but I doubt it.
Most people that have discovered these Sarno etc methods and have beaten symptoms will definitely say they have changed their life as a result of it. Probably true for personality too. Maybe that's all the FB posters are saying.
Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
Feeling you need to leave a group (personally, I’d suggest staying in that group or this group, no need to be in a bunch of groups) because someone mentioned on thing, which is their own opinion, is a sign of reactivity. You are triggered by what they said.
What is your anger over this and can you noticed how you zeroed in on that one comment of (what I assume is) many? I think noticing how your mind will heaps this stuff goes a long way to being able to notice how it is your internally created stress more than the external stress (like eg your actual job) that is painful in many ways.
They were right about making changes - you might need to change your thought habitats (absolutely doable), the way you tend to viscerally react to some things instead of being able to respond to them, to see how some personality traits aren’t serving you in the capacity you’ve learned to use them. Basically everything @BloodMoon has said and as @JanAtheCPA has said with tough love, drop victim mode which can hide, very sneakily in the corners of our mind especially when, in our life we’ve actually been victimized. Self-victimization and being exceptionally hard on ourselves and feeling stuck seem to be a trifecta of TMS.
You can do this, over time and with much patience and self-compassion.
What is your anger over this and can you noticed how you zeroed in on that one comment of (what I assume is) many? I think noticing how your mind will heaps this stuff goes a long way to being able to notice how it is your internally created stress more than the external stress (like eg your actual job) that is painful in many ways.
They were right about making changes - you might need to change your thought habitats (absolutely doable), the way you tend to viscerally react to some things instead of being able to respond to them, to see how some personality traits aren’t serving you in the capacity you’ve learned to use them. Basically everything @BloodMoon has said and as @JanAtheCPA has said with tough love, drop victim mode which can hide, very sneakily in the corners of our mind especially when, in our life we’ve actually been victimized. Self-victimization and being exceptionally hard on ourselves and feeling stuck seem to be a trifecta of TMS.
You can do this, over time and with much patience and self-compassion.
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
This is a huge discovery! (And a testament to journaling, which I think can be often as good as a therapist or better). I think you can get some relief now that you’ve realized this. Scary things like that are hard to get over. You sort of brace for it happening again. It’s only logical. Especially if it was traumatic. Maybe you can comfort yourself and get a good mantra or something to tell yourself. I still get scared of “starving” because I had a hard time as a single mom. It’s hard to shake those fears. It comes down to not giving your job so much power. Tell yourself you’ll find a way to make life work even if you ever lose this job. And you will. You always do, right?! Do your best, then let the chips fall where they may.
Rusty Red
Well known member
Symptoms have been super nasty these past couple of days. I have some ideas what is contributing but I guess until/unless I can get through it, I'll have to decrease activity even more to a tolerable level, if there is one. I had that realization the other day and this is a week of doing a lot of things I don't want to do at all but have no choice.
Joulegirl
Beloved Grand Eagle
@Rusty Red Sending you hugs. I've noticed that I'm dealing with more ramped up symptoms as well. For me, I wonder if its just the holiday season and all the things I have to attend but in reality I just want to be at home in the evenings in my pjs!!
Rusty Red
Well known member
Had an x-ray yesterday of my left lower leg and it showed a stress reaction, so now I need an MRI to see if it's a fracture. I guess even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Not my idea of a great Christmas present and I'm pretty far down with the also continued and increased other symptoms. I do hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Not my idea of a great Christmas present and I'm pretty far down with the also continued and increased other symptoms. I do hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.