Therapy, is this normal?

[Greendragon]

Hi. I am very new to this, so I am looking for help and advice. After too long with chronic back pain I discovered TMS; I was convinced; read up on it lots and had some relief from the worst pain. But I thought I needed a therapist to help with repressed feelings etc, as I'm really not good at that, and I found one who did Skype sessions. I've never had any sort of therapy so didn't really know how to do it, but the first session was as I expected: them asking me questions about my life and talking a bit about TMS. But the last two sessions they have not asked me questions, and as I am not the type who chatters away about random things, we ended up with LONG silences, me just floundering a bit, thinking "what should I be saying?" I'm wondering if this is normal? I so liked the idea of someone who would listen to me, as I have in my life plenty of people who are just not interested in much that I say and now I am pretty upset that I'm paying someone else not to listen to me! Perhaps I am the most boring person in the world?! Well, just the thought of it made me cry, so maybe it has worked in some strange way! What do other people do in their therapy chats? Thank you so much to anyone who answers!

 

[Sita]

Hi. It's something normal, I had the same long silence in the beginning. My first 2-3 sessions were like that, then I got more relaxed and was able to start talking. Had a good first therapist also, it's important.

You'll be OK. Take care.

 

[Greendragon]

Thank you. I will try again this week and hope it gets easier.

 

[miffybunny]

Hi. I am very new to this, so I am looking for help and advice. After too long with chronic back pain I discovered TMS; I was convinced; read up on it lots and had some relief from the worst pain. But I thought I needed a therapist to help with repressed feelings etc, as I'm really not good at that, and I found one who did Skype sessions. I've never had any sort of therapy so didn't really know how to do it, but the first session was as I expected: them asking me questions about my life and talking a bit about TMS. But the last two sessions they have not asked me questions, and as I am not the type who chatters away about random things, we ended up with LONG silences, me just floundering a bit, thinking "what should I be saying?" I'm wondering if this is normal? I so liked the idea of someone who would listen to me, as I have in my life plenty of people who are just not interested in much that I say and now I am pretty upset that I'm paying someone else not to listen to me! Perhaps I am the most boring person in the world?! Well, just the thought of it made me cry, so maybe it has worked in some strange way! What do other people do in their therapy chats? Thank you so much to anyone who answers!

I think it's important to have a collaborative, trusting relationship with a therapist. While it's necessary for a therapist to have listening skills and allow the client to feel their emotions, I also think it's vital for a therapist to be somewhat directive , especially when it comes to TMS. This is just my opinion, and different people have different styles. When I was in therapy myself, I wanted feedback and direction so I could get back to my life asap. I also did not want to pay someone that much money just so they could nod once in awhile. If you don't feel like it's a good fit with this therapist, you should address your concerns to them. Let them know you are looking for more guidance and not just someone to "listen". They should be giving you strategies you can implement during the day. After all you speak to them about an hour a week. What are you doing the rest of the time?? Their job is to empower you, not be a sounding board. I've had lots of therapists throughout my life and I can tell you, the ones that made a difference were the ones that gave me helpful feedback. After all, I wasn't interested in complaining or venting (I can do that with my poor girlfriends for free lol!)..I wanted to do the work.

 

[Greendragon]

Yes, thank you, you are right. I will talk to them next time and see if they can offer more guidance. I actually sent a text asking this and explaining how I felt... and have not received a reply!!