The struggle between needing kindness and expressing emotions

[Crissyxox]

I sometimes find it difficult to navigate through when I need to calm my inner child (make myself feel safe) and when I need to acknowledge And feel the anger ( usually) I need to feel. Sometimes they look and feel the same (my behaviors) but they do help in different ways.

Lots of unfortunate things have caused me to struggle a bit with tms symptoms. Great reinforcers though...thankful for that!


Crissy

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Crissy,
It may be that you can use the same approach for both the soothing and allowing anger: just being with the emotions as they are. You can say to your inner child: "you're angry right now, and this is not easy for you." and "you are afraid right now, and this is hard for you." You can follow whatever experiences are arising with this kindness...tune in and acknowledge what is there.
Andy B.

 

[Crissyxox]

Thanks Andy. That's great advice. Happy holidays.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Happy Holidays to you too Crissyxox.

 

[Anne Walker]

Hi. Andy gave you some really great advice. I just wanted to add that so much of the process for me has been developing the art of noticing, and then allowing whatever I am feeling to be without judgement or feeling some huge call to action. I had a monster inner bully and it took me a while to recognize when I was being really hard on myself and how to successfully let that go. For a time I tended to beat myself up for beating myself up. Some of these behaviors can be so habitual that it takes some practice to recondition ourselves into reacting differently. The first step is recognizing when you are doing it. And then the next step is accepting that is okay to cut yourself some slack. Many of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on others.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Anne. Your advice also is great, all the time. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
I just put a red ribbon around my darling Annie's neck and she seems to like it.

I like this following article, which reminds us of how to be calm when times get a little tight.

Calming Techniques That Help With Stress, Anxiety

By Kim Tranell


We asked top meditation and mindfulness pros for their best on-the-spot, do-anywherecalming techniques-- because who has time for chanting "om" when you're about to lose it?


1. Count Your Breaths
Best For: Surviving Red-Alert Emergencies
When it comes to calming down, deep breathing is still the place to start. "By forcing yourself to breathe as you do in your most relaxed moments, you trick your body into releasing calming neurohormones, causing a biological shift in how you feel," says psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, a leader in the field of guided imagery. "Just inhale and feel your abdomen expand. Go as slowly as possible, counting in -- 1-2-3. Then, observe the turn of your breath, and breathe it out -- 1-2-3. Whether you do this for one minute or five, it's going to bring you to a calmer place."


2. Be Here Now
Best For: Combating Worst-Case-Scenario Anxiety
"Our minds are constantly in the past or the future -- we'll ruminate on what's too late to change or catastrophize about what hasn't happened yet," says Diana Winston, a director at the UCLAMindfulAwarenessResearchCenter and coauthor ofFully Present. "But the more you practice coming back to the present, the less anxious you'll feel. For example, when I wash dishes, instead of letting my mind wander to all my worries, I really try to show up and pay attention to the sensations of the task -- the water, the heat, the plate in my hand. Eyes open or closed okay.”


3. Flex And Release
Best For: Letting Go Of Work Tension
"Start by clenching the muscles in your forehead and face as you take a breath and hold it for a moment," says Nina Smiley, Ph.D., coauthor ofThe Three Minute Meditator. "As you release the tension, exhale fully and relax. Work your way down your body, repeating the process. The tightening and releasing is a physical cue to the body to let stress go."