1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Our TMS drop-in chat is tomorrow (Saturday) from 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM Eastern (now US Daylight Time) . It's a great way to get quick and interactive peer support, with MatthewNJ as your host. Look for the red Chat flag on top of the menu bar!

The Presence Process - Share Experiences & Ask Questions

Discussion in 'Community Off Topic' started by BrianC, Jul 14, 2014.

  1. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member


    I don't know if this will work for you or not, but I'll share it anyway. I've mentioned that music causes integration to occur in me, depending on the song. Everyone has different tastes in music, of course, but I've found certain Thomas Bergersen songs to be very strong emotionally. The key is finding the right ones, though, and he has so many. I've tried to pick a few that appeal to females and listed them below (lots of Bergersen's songs are very much masculine in nature, so picking out the few that are not like that would take a while to do if you haven't heard many of his pieces). Try listening to some of these and see if they don't evoke strong emotions from you that cause integrations to start happening. Good movies do this to me, as well. Also, good stories. I listen to a lot of audiobooks while I drive. Audiobooks have the least payoff in terms of frequency, because it's only at powerful parts of the stories I see integration stimulated. Here's a list of some of Bergersen's songs to check out. It's worth a shot. Remember, thankfulness and positivity are what you're wanting evoked.

    These are all instrumentals (orchestras, and sometimes with computer-aided sound)

    Two Hearts

    Sun & Moon


    New Life


    Colors of Love

    You can listen through his music for free on YouTube, but it takes me a while to find the ones I really like. They're all very interesting and well done, but I'm picky about the ones I really enjoy, so it takes a while.

    Good luck!
  2. PPSo

    PPSo Newcomer

    Thanks, Brian! I've switched to organic green tea :)

    I'm in week 3 now and have a question about triggering events. My mother is the one that triggers me the most. It's because of TPP, I'm more in touch with my feelings. So, I'm feeling her behaviour very intensely. When I was growing up, she hit me often, showed little or no empathy for my feelings and frequently criticized and compared me negatively to other kids. Meanwhile, she still expected me to go out into the world and be an impressive kid that everyone would praise, which confused me. Now in my adult life, she’s easier to interact with partly because I spent my mid to late 20s passively and actively fighting back and because I’m just getting older and she seems to think she can’t continue treating me exactly like she did when I was more dependent on her. However, she continues to take “jabs” at me, which I now see as the triggering situation. The jabs are subtle or overt putdowns towards my choices and who I am, including my strengths, weaknesses and passion for spirituality. It’s the way she words things and her tone of voice that help make it sound like it’s meant to provoke, too. So yesterday, she was stressed out about other things and hurled multiple putdowns at me. I felt anger and a lot of physical heat come up, more than usual. I argued with her and insisted that I was never the kid she wanted me to be, my life didn’t go according to the image she had and no matter what she couldn’t stifle my spirit and commitment to authenticity. While observing myself reacting, I felt so much emotional charge as I defended my existence as an individual that didn’t become an extension of her mother. Later in the evening, I spent 3 hours on and off crying uncontrollably. At times, I wasn’t even sure what exactly I was crying about. I’d never processed feelings in that way after encounters with my mom prior to TPP.

    Now knowing that these triggering events are reflections, instead of reacting, how can I aim to effectively respond? It's one of those cases where the parental figure that traumatized you is also one of your current triggers. I don't know if I should stay away from her for a bit...

    Thank you!
  3. Renate

    Renate Peer Supporter

    I can' t thank you enough Brian for what you are doing for me (and others)! Yes, you are right, music can and will be very helpful to evoke strong emotions. Since many years I change the radio station when I hear a sad song or a song that reminds me of something because then my feelings get too uncomfortable. But now it is time to face these emotions!!
    And that's what I will do now!
    Boston Redsox likes this.
  4. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Organic green tea has caffeine in it, too. A coke has 39 mg of caffeine, while green tea has 25 mg. Your body sees caffeine as a toxin (because it is), and tries to get it out by excreting adrenaline to move it through the digestive tract. Over time, it can stress out the adrenals and cause problems. Some people it doesn't affect much, and others it does. It affects everyone badly, of course, but it's just a matter of how badly. It affects me worse than it does other people. Well, actually, now that I don't drink it hardly ever, it doesn't affect me much physically when I do drink it (but it does make me hyper-focused). I pretty much drink water all the time, now. I rarely have anything else.

    You also have to decide if it's an addiction or not. That's pretty easy to do--just stop drinking caffeine for 6 months. If you find yourself having headaches after a few days and strong impulses to drink it, then you know it's an addiction. In my opinion, it's an easy addiction to break, because you can drink anything to replace it. What's more difficult to break is the sugar addiction. That one's huge. Most people are addicted to it and have no clue. And try to find something you can drink besides water that doesn't have caffeine or sugar. Fruit drinks you say? Nope--loaded with natural fruit sugar. lol It's difficult. But that's what I had to do a while back. When I'm fully off of sugar, I basically will allow myself sugar every once in a while if it just happens to be at a family get-together or something like that. I'm pretty easy going about it. And it becomes an easy, natural choice not to eat it--no impulses anymore. It can easily become an addiction again, though.

    I'm not saying you need to do any of that stuff. Just throwing those things out there. We're addicted to tons of things in this life that we don't even think about. It's not easy to get rid of them all, but the more we get rid of, the more emotions that will surface for integration. You might take the book's advice, though, and deal with addictions during the second PP. No need to take on too much right from the beginning. Some people take on an addiction right from the first PP, and sometimes it works great. Just depends on the person.

    As for your issues with your mother, you want her acceptance, which her jabs trigger you. But what's more important is that you want her acceptance because you don't accept yourself deep down (subconsciously). Everyone's like that. Takes time to integrate it.

    So since acceptance is the issue, you have to accept yourself as you are and learn not to value her opinion in any way. As I said in an earlier post, there's no such thing as self-worth. That's just a judgment we use to make ourselves feel better or worse, because we don't like the way we feel. It's an illusion. We simply exist, and we are children of God--plain and simple. There's no need for valuing ourselves one way or the other if we accept ourselves exactly as we are. There's a saying: "Happy people don't compare theirselves to others." It's very true. When we're happy, we don't need to make ourselves feel better...or worse, depending on our programming. If your mom is very degrading, then you probably have lots of your subconscious parts degrading you, too. It may take quite a while to break through that degradation inside, but you'll get there eventually.

    Do you live with your mother? If you do, that's a very difficult situation, because it constantly puts us in child-mode subconsciously, causing lots of triggers. It's a good opportunity for integration, but only if we've learned to not react. And that can take a while to learn to do. Personally, I say get away from parents who are abusive for a while. Learn what it is to be free of them and of the degradation. Learn what it is to really accept yourself.

    As for responding to her jabs, you'd want to think about who you really are deep down, and respond with respect and truth. If she says something about your choices, you'd say, "Well, it's a good thing I live my life for me and not you, then. You're impossible to please, but I'm pretty easy to please." However, if there's any animosity in that statement, you can't say it. Just keep it to yourself. If you can legitimately say it with love and respect, then it's fine, as long as it's true. Or you could say something like, "I know you say what you say to me because you believe it helps and it's the only way you know to love me, but it actually does just the opposite of what you think it does. Think about it for a second. If someone tells you something that makes you feel worthless, will that cause you to treat yourself and others better or worse?" If she says "better," then she's either lying or she doesn't really understand the question or she thinks that faking kindness is helpful. You say, "Well, when someone says something like that to me, it's like beating me down. Makes me feel worse about myself, and then I don't want to treat myself or other people very well. In fact, it removes my motivation to improve myself, and instead, causes me to want to punish myself subconsciously. It drains my energy I could be using for positive things to help myself and others. When someone treats me in a kind way, I feel better about myself and I want to treat myself and others better. I have more energy to do more with my life. To make healthier choices. In fact, because you've torn me down all of these years and I've valued your opinion, I'm having to learn how to not value your opinion or anyone else's anymore. I'm having to learn how to love myself unconditionally so that I no longer become depressed or hurt when you disapprove of me. So, I know you're just trying to help, but I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your comments to yourself. Because in reality, the way you treat me is the way you treat yourself subconsciously, but you just aren't aware of it. So inside, you think very little of yourself deep down. And I don't want you to spread that to me anymore--you're a huge reason I'm not a person you approve of. So if you want to hang out with me, learn to be more kind or keep your judgments to yourself. Those are your problems, not mine. I'll be happy to hang out with you when you learn to be more kind to me." (That's kind of funny, because Love and Logic's child-rearing method says to say to kids things like, "When you've quieted down, I'd be happy to play with you." or "Once you've cleaned up your room, I'd be happy to hang out with you." In other words, positive statements).

    Now, what I said was pretty heavy right there. It may not be the way to address something like this. But maybe it is. It's important to put up firm boundaries for parents. They need to know that you have boundaries and you'll keep them. If your mom says something insulting to you, you can say, "Alright, well, I'm gonna get going. We'll hang out another time when you're in a better mood and not insulting me." If she calls you to hang out after a week or two and she sounds like she's going to be more compliant, then you can go hang out with her again. You have to be able to say all of these things in a very loving way, not with anger or judgment. Also, you can't be too attached to her. It sounds like you hang out with your mom a lot, and that's probably not healthy, especially if you have effeminate qualities. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it does mean you need a good, solid father-figure in your life and friends who are good examples of that. Otherwise, your testosterone levels will likely end up low and you'll have some major issues emotionally. That's not a for sure, thing, but it does happen a lot, depending on the situation with the father growing up.

    There's an easier way to narrow these statements down to more quick, simple statements, too. Just depends on the situation. And for you, it might just be a matter of using that last statement of, "I'm gonna get going. When you're ready to treat me with more respect, I'd be happy to hang out with you." You'll have to feel it out. For some people, they can take the insults in the moment, contain the feelings, and deal with them later in a healthy way. For others, that doesn't work too well, so they need to remove theirselves from the situation. I'd say removing yourself from the situation for a while is probably a smart thing to do, but you'll have to feel that out for yourself. Think about it like this--the little children inside of you (your ego, your hard heart) are being abused by her, and you're exposing them to that abuse every time you hang out with her. That doesn't sound very loving or considerate of them, does it? You may want to prove to them that you'll protect them and love them by staying away for a while and showing them some good, solid acceptance. Might have to stay away for quite a while, or you may have to just very rarely see her. When you're feeling better and have had lots of integrations, you might hang out with her a little bit to see if some new things get triggered for integration when you're around her. Feel it out--see what you think is best. You'll figure it out. I don't want to complicate it too much for you. I can't tell you what to do, of course. I'm just throwing out some ideas for you. Boundaries are really important to understand and stay firm on. Once you throw up a boundary for your mother, you'll need to keep it by removing yourself from the situation when she's not respecting you. A boundary is only as good as the effort that's put out to enforce it.

    Good luck, man! That's a tough one. You'll get through it eventually. And once you integrate this stuff, she won't affect you at all emotionally, or she'll stop taking jabs at you altogether. With the boundaries, remember that you're not avoiding the behavior to be happy. You're being kind to yourself. You'll be okay with the situation with your mother once you've integrated enough of the root causes. Anger is not easy to deal with. I just figure out who the little kid(s) inside of me are upset with, and I let them go off on that person in my imagination. It expends a lot of energy psychically, getting the anger out of the way. Heck, if they're mad at me, I let them harm or even kill me. I know that sounds strange and morbid, but it really moves them through the anger so they can get to grief. Then I can work with them and correct the beliefs that are keeping them from integrating--the beliefs that they're no good and don't deserve to be happy, etc. No one deserves anything or doesn't deserve anything. It's not about deserving. It's about the situation we're in right now, and it is what it is--a chance to learn, not a chance to judge yourselves some more. If we're judging, we're not learning.
  5. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Sounds like a great step to take, Renate. :) I'm sure you'll do well with it!
  6. PPSo

    PPSo Newcomer

    Thanks again, Brian! Yeah, I have a caffeine and sugar addiction for sure. Hopefully one day I don't have these addictions anymore.
    I'm a girl actually, lol..sorry when I registered, I think I picked "unspecified". But thank you so much for the thorough response. It's so helpful and I understand what course of action I should take in this case. I like what you said about worth. I've always struggled with that whole intrinsic vs. extrinsic worth. It seems that there isn't even such a thing because we simply exist. That's a radical concept to me. I might have to keep a distance from my mom for the time being though that's a tough one because our lives are quite involved. I don't live with her anymore but did for a long time until I got unbearable. Thinking I will try the "take the insults and deal with later" approach to begin with. :)
  7. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Oh, sorry. I don't know why I thought you were a guy. lol Thanks for correcting me!

    Well it sounds like the estrogen/testosterone issue won't be a problem then. lol

    Sounds like you know the best way to deal with it. You'll do well. :)
  8. PPSo

    PPSo Newcomer

    No problem, thanks!

    I've noticed lately t I think a lot during breathing sessions. I know we're supposed to focus on felt-perceptions and I do feel a lot but it seems that most of my feeling moments are preceded by thoughts entering my head. When I think so much, I wonder..isn't that the opposite of being present? The mental body is still occupied and the only way I usually feel is to think about something emotionally significant to me irst and then feel it. I also notice a my fantasies about what I want but don't have come in the form of mental images that evoke instant feelings that result in crying and sometimes even bodily sensations such as a rush in my arms. These fantasies are by far the most powerful thoughts that cause intense feelings and point to such a place of longing and emptiness deep inside. What do you think about this?
  9. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member


    Good to hear from you! You've got some interesting situations going on internally.

    I've had long stints where every time I go to do my breathing, my mind thinks about stuff most of the time. It comes and goes. It's rare that I've been able to sit for 15+ minutes without anything coming to mind. But at times, I actually do manage to get through a 15+ minute breathing session with hardly anything coming to mind.

    This is how I interpret it. If I have lots of thoughts coming up, it means I have lots of emotions repressed but wanting to come out. And the thoughts are a sign that those repressed emotions are there. But I don't let that worry me. It's happening exactly as it's required to happen for me. I can't go wrong in life nor in this endeavor. It will happen as quickly or slowly as it needs to, at exactly the right pace. So I just let those thoughts be. Sometimes I'll follow them to their end and then think of nothing for a while, and other times I'll decide I should end the thought very quickly and go back to thinking nothing again.

    I think if you put your focus on the felt resonances as best you can, that's about the best you can do. If your mind goes off into thoughts, not a problem. That happens. So the best thing is probably just to accept it and let it be, deciding in each moment what you feel is the best thing to do. You're correct that thinking is the opposite of being present, but it's also just a part of what we must go through to be present. You can't expect yourself to go from not being present most of your life to being completely present, right? So the thoughts are going to come at times, and that's okay. I've heard of well-known meditators who've been at it for a long time say that even they rarely go through a session without some thoughts coming to mind. So no worries. You're doing well. :)

    If fantasies come to mind and evoke strong emotions, I'd use those, personally. But that's just me. You'll have to figure out if you should use them or not. For me, if some fantasy comes to mind, I'm usually the one bringing it to mind consciously in order to evoke some emotions I can integrate. But if they were to come to mind without me bringing them to mind, then I'd want to sit with them and explore them. I'd talk to that part of myself and see what he's lacking, and figure out why he thinks he needs that thing to feel better. As I sort through the base reasons why he feels he needs that thing to be happy, I can get down to the root of the issue, which is always that he doesn't accept himself unconditionally. If he were to understand that he's a child-of-God with all of God's characteristics, such as contentment, joy, peace, happiness, and unconditional love, then he'd integrate instantly. But his belief that he's not good enough, and that he needs something to make him feel better, is keeping him stuck in dysfunction. As I show him unconditional love and help him sort out the false belief he has, then he realizes the problem and changes his belief. Then he'll integrate.

    Honestly, I recommend going through at least one or two Presence Processes before trying to approach beliefs with the different parts of yourself. For the first one to three PPs, a person should learn just to sit and be with their emotions as they are. That goes a long way. When they feel ready (not when they're trying to get rid of an emotion), they can then attempt a method like mine to go deeper, which I've described in here before. But a person really needs to understand the base beliefs I've come to realize over the years, and know how to bring everything back to those base beliefs. That's the only way to really correct the false beliefs of the dysfunctioning part.

    I do believe that people need to find "their own truths," but I also think that can be misconstrued to mean that whatever belief someone comes to must be correct. There are truths in life that never change. And we do need to explore ourselves and life to seek truth. But we need to do so from a place of extreme humility, understanding that we can know very little for sure in this life. As long as we understand that, we'll keep a truly open mind. Without an open mind, we'll miss the truth when we come across it, because we'll be so convinced we know the truth already. With humility comes that sense of not knowing, and not needing to know, but still enjoying learning and discovering. So when I say that a person needs to learn the base beliefs, I don't want to sound arrogant or like I'm right and others are wrong. I haven't a clue if I'm right or not, nor do I care. These are truths I've come to that make a whole lot of sense and naturally bring about healing. I think during the first one to three PPs, a person should just get acquainted with those truths on a conscious level. Then, when he feels ready, the person can approach those parts and correct the beliefs keeping them stuck. A person's conscious beliefs are very different than his subconscious beliefs in his heart. I think if a person feels they're trying to get rid of a specific emotion or physical issue rather than love and embrace it, they shouldn't use my method yet. But if they can embrace what they're experiencing and let it be, then they might attempt my method.
  10. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Recently, I started writing a book about the beliefs I've mentioned in this thread that I use to help the different parts of my heart integrate. I suspect it'll take a while to get those beliefs down into a book form, but when I do, I'll let you know. I plan to lay out the beliefs up front, then lay out a very short version of The Presence Process (and reference TPP for a more thorough version of the process), then lay out my method. I was able to use my method to correct emotional and health issues before I did TPP, but I still hadn't learned to stop trying to fix myself. So I was obsessed with using my method to fix things constantly. TPP helps a person stop trying to fix things and only use the tools at their disposal when necessary, at the right time. TPP also helps a person learn how to feel again, something my method complements, but doesn't teach...which is why I have to include an abbreviated Presence Process in the book. Since I'm busy with work and life, it'll take a while to write this, but hopefully not too long. We'll see how it goes.
  11. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Interesting Start to Valentine's Day

    I woke up this morning with some insights. Well, actually, I came to those insights while breathing. When I woke up, I did my breathing lying in bed. And my mind got occupied a few times, then started creating a cool storyline for a new book. lol I really like the idea. But afterward, I felt I needed to deal with my candida problem. Candida is a plant (fungus) growing in the gut. A LOT of people have it and have no clue. And they're getting diagnosed with all kinds of diseases and conditions that are actually candida, but they doctors have no clue. They can't test for it, or don't know how, or don't know they need to (probably a combination of two or three of those). Anyway, I had candida for two years straight, and I could get rid of it for a very short time with supplements and a diet change. But it would always come back. Eventually, I changed my diet and took the supplements and it wouldn't go away anymore. So I use my method (before TPP) to fix it and another one or two problems. Got rid of it for good. I even tried to eat the things that candida eats in the stomach to flourish, and I still couldn't get it. I ate sugar, breads (yeast)...nothing caused it to come back. That was really cool. (Resentment is what causes candida, by the way, and it was resentment of myself, if I remember correctly--technically, it's always resentment of one's self if a person tracks back their resentment properly)

    Well, I got it again a few months ago. It occurred to me this morning that it was because I spoke with one of the multiples I used to work with and had failed. I not only couldn't get her healed up, but I had treated her very manipulatively and in anger at times. I caused her some emotional damage. Later, when I talked to psychologists or therapists, they couldn't believe I'd managed to work with the same person for a few hours a day, every day, for so long. I'd work with a person like that for a year or more, sometimes less. They knew how difficult it was and how it really messes up a person. They said they couldn't have done it and didn't know how I managed it. But honestly, I really enjoyed it most of the time. Working with people who took 1-3 years to get healed up, though, and having some codependent issues of my own connecting with theirs...that kinda killed everything. It caused progress to only go so far. I only got SRA victims (Satanic Ritual Abuse victims), and they have hundreds of "alters" (alternate personalities). Satanists (usually their parents) purposely split their personality into tons of alters and programmed each one. And it takes abuse to split off personalities. You just can't imagine what horrible things these girls went through. So that's why it takes so long to help them...usually three years the way I was doing it. In my fives years of working with multiples, I got one normal multiple (a non-SRA victim) with 5 or 6 personalities. I spent about 5 hours with her and all of her personalities integrated and she was fine. That was my only success. And it was so easy and gratifying. It would've be great if I'd gotten regular multiples. But no...I got the really hard cases, and I failed miserably, because I didn't truly understand how to love myself unconditionally and just let things be as they are--again, things I learned from TPP. So after 5 years, I saw that I had codependent issues that were connecting with those lady's codependent issues, and it was toxic. So I stopped doing it.

    This morning, on Valentines Day oddly enough, my repressed feminine side surfaced. Then it occurred to me that candida had come back when I started talking to the multiple I used to work with. In other words, the resentment toward myself for treating her poorly at times and failing her was surfacing, causing candida. So I had an internal conversation with her, imagining her there with me inside, and we worked it out. Then I asked, "Is this the only part of me causing my candida?" I got a "no" answer when I muscle tested. Actually, I got a lie first (I got a "yes" answer, but then asked, "Is that a lie?" and got a "yes." LOL That's my self-sabotage trying to mess with me. It thinks it's a liar. lol). So I brought forward all of the parts of myself causing the candida...all feminine parts. You see, I had some emotional issues with women passed down to me. But because I repressed them, I treat women really respectfully and loving. However, that repression comes out in other passive ways like pornography and other things. In other words, I didn't realize it, but pornography was an outlet for my issues with women. So I'm dealing with emotional issues I got from both parents, actually, and they work together, making them very strong. And that's kind of what I dealt with this morning. When working with multiples (which 95% of them are women, by the way), I was trying to redeem the feminine half of myself, and at the same time, part of me was beating it down, too. All of that was repression, both trying to redeem it and beating it down. So helping multiples was partly about redeeming my feminine side, and when I was manipulate them and be mean to them at times, it was that other side of me trying to repress by beating the feminine down. It was a very strange dynamic. That's not to say that there wasn't any authentic actions going on. I really did love working with them, authentically, and I was very good at the method. But I've noticed a pattern in my life. Anything I really enjoy doing and have a strong talent for get destroyed by some ulterior motive that's selfish. That's my self-sabotage at play, and it's damn strong.

    So anyway, I was able to embrace those little girls inside of me that had been repressed all my life and accept them unconditionally. They very quickly and easily integrated. Took about 30 minutes, if that. It was really cool. The felt resonance at first was like a bar going from the center of my brain down to my stomach. The resentment was in the brain (anger is often there for me for some reason, maybe because I'm so intellectually driven as my most prominent coping mechanism). It was an interesting feeling. Pretty cool since the brain can't feel anything. lol When it integrated, I felt the resonance over my chest and back and maybe a tad bit near my stomach. Shame is often in the stomach, but also manifests in the face. Anger can manifest all over the body, though. Maybe for intellectual people, it tends to manifest in the head. I muscle tested and the candida is gone. :) That's one I've been trying to figure out for a long time now, the whole feminine issue. I knew it was there, but I could never get the cause taken care of. That was one big step in the right direction today, and on Valentines Day, no less. Funny how certain days trigger certain things. :) Cool stuff.
  12. Mark W

    Mark W Peer Supporter

    So I'm about to start week 7 of my 4th TPP. (Into the water once again!) One thing that has changed for me is that I have completely lost my desire to drink alcohol. Now, I wasn't an alcoholic and would usually only have 2-3 beers once a week, but over the last year even that amount dropped and now an alcohol buzz makes me so uncomfortable that I just have zero desire to drink. I always enjoyed having a couple beers or a bloody mary with friends, but now I just want to be clear-headed and peaceful.

    This change is strange for me in that it has been totally unplanned. I still love the taste of beer and the idea of loosening my inhibitions a bit is still attractive, but when I'm offered a drink or I'm at the point of deciding to buy beer from the store or at a bar, I just feel a strong aversion and I say no. I never thought I would stop drinking tasty beer, and it kind of saddens me.

    My addiction is food, thus it would be nice if this same evolution happened with my overeating. (I'm about 50 pounds overweight.) Not that I would be averse to food, but hopefully I could enjoy how I feel after eating healthier foods so much that I would naturally develop the same type of aversion when it came to unhealthy foods. I do notice I feel more and more emotionally uncomfortable after I have overeaten, but as of yet this does not outweigh the perceived reward that causes me to overeat in the first place.

    Hopefully if I continue with TPPs I will integrate the strong emotions that are causing me to self-medicate with food.
  13. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Oh, I forgot to add that as soon as I got rid of the candida, things tasted much sweeter to me, which is the opposite of what candida does. Candida causes you to want sweets, which dulls your sense of taste for sweet things, making it necessary to eat sweeter things to taste the sweet well enough. Interesting.
  14. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member

    Good to hear about your progress with alcohol, Mark. That sadness you feel about not desiring it anymore is helpful. It's probably a sadness you've been repressing with the alcohol...and probably the food, too. I'd explore that sadness if it were me. Sit with it and see if it integrates. Some insight should come with that. And the insight might help with the eating addiction, too, or lead you in some direction that helps you deal with the eating addiction.

    As for the eating addiction, you may find it necessary to set boundaries with food. For instance, when I notice myself eating food late in the evening repeatedly, I'll know that I'm repressing something, most likely. So I'll refuse to eat in the evenings after dinner. I'll also pay attention to my emotional state to make sure I'm not eating when I'm feeling uncomfortable emotions.

    The only way to overcome an addiction is usually to refrain from it so you can feel the emotions the addiction is repressing.

    Some people use The Body Code or its Emotion Code to get rid of addictions very quickly. Incredibly quickly, in fact. But it doesn't work for everyone, because some people's self-sabotage is too strong, and it simply won't work until that's dealt with. What TPP teaches is invaluable...that we can be content even when sick or in pain, and it's not about getting rid of annoyances as much as accepting them and loving all that we experience. But I think there's a place for things like The Body Code, and they can be used when necessary to free people from issues. Each person has to feel it out for him or herself.

    Good luck with the eating addiction. Just remember that you can't deal with emotions if you're constantly repressing them with an addiction...but that you must also know when the time is right to start dealing with the addiction. It's different for everyone.
  15. Renate

    Renate Peer Supporter

    Tomorrow I will finish my 1 st PP. In the middle of the Process I felt that something has changed in me, I can't discribe it but it felt good. And now at the end of the Process I feel like before and I am very angry and most people are getting on my nerves, especially my mother.
    I know it is not her fault but my part to deal with these emotions.
    So I am sitting and breathing with my anger (and my disappointment). I do this since more than one week and the anger stays the same.
    I think the main part of it comes from the expectations I had before starting TPP. I am lying at home since years because of my pain and I couldn't prevent me from having expectations that the pain would become less by doing TPP. It is nearly impossible for me not to hope that one day I can live a normal life again. So now I am disappointed because nothing has changed and that is causing my anger.
    Never in the 10 weeks I felt an integration.
    Now I am courious to see what will happen in the next three weeks. I try not to expect anything;-)
    And then I will start again with TPP....
  16. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member


    That must feel pretty defeaing. I understand your frustration. And I'm guessing you're correct, that your expectation that your pain would go away by doing TPP is what triggered you anger. Just keep in mind that the anger was already there. It's not new anger...just triggered anger. And anger is always a secondary emotion. Your base emotion is fear of staying in pain like you are now. That's the fear you want to seek out and integrate. You'll likely have to express the anger in some way first, though, to get it or of the way. It doesn't mean the fear causing the anger won't integrate in the next 3 weeks, though. That could happen. But in the meantime, you could do two things.

    1. Sit with your anger and embrace it. Accept it unconditionally.

    2. Express it physically or mentally (in your imagination).

    If it gets expressed enough, you can get through to your sadness and let go of this need to be out of pain. If you can accept your pain unconditionally and embrace it, telling it to stay as long as it needs to, then it will not feel like you're trying to get rid it. As long as you're trying to get rid if, you're not embracing it with love, so it's stuck.

    Acceptance is very, very strong. It allows a person to be with whatever illness or pain they have without suffering. The suffering comes from resisting it, trying to change it, trying to escape it. When you accept it, though, you're content with the pain and your life, and you can finally rest. Once you start resting, you'll be able to love yourself properly and be much more at peace.

    Which sounds better, sitting in your pain, suffering while trying to get rid of it with little hope of doing so, or being with it in peace? Those are your choices.

    You might try The Body Code if you can't seem to get through the anger. It seems to work exceptionally well as long as self-sabotage doesn't prevent it from working.

    Also, I forgot to mention that if you're feeling your anger, that's progress. It means you're not repressing it. So you've gotten better at feeling. Feeling it is the first step to integrating it. :)

    Good luck, and take it easy for the next few weeks. Maybe an integration will happen.
    Grateful17 likes this.
  17. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member


    I had another thought. You know how TMS says that nearly all pain is caused by anger...by rage? Maybe TPP is triggering anger for you because anger is the cause of your pain. And until you accept it, and maybe even express it too, you won't be able to integrate it and the grief underneath it. Maybe that's why you're experiencing so much anger right now. So again, this is progress. It's all depends on how you view the situation. The perspective we take determines how we view the events of our life. And perspective can move us forward or keep us stuck.

    Just remember that whatever is happening is required or it wouldn't be happening.
    Sarene and Grateful17 like this.
  18. Renate

    Renate Peer Supporter

    Thank you Brian! Sometimes my anger is so strong that I think I will explode. I do accept it and breath with it. After a telephone-call from my mother this evening I was so angry, I took a rolling pin and hit my couch. This took away the "top" of my anger. I will do this more often and continue to sit with the anger. And yes, I am afraid that my pain will stay forever, I must look at this fear.
    I often tried to accept the pain. To be able to accept it I must focus on it and then the pain gets so strong that I want to cut off my foot. But how can I accept it without having a picture of my foot in my mind? I also accept the emotions that come up with the pain.

    I didn't do TPP only for my pain but also for my personal growth. But I think it is good to take a break now for three weeks.
    I took a look at the Body Code, seems quite interesting!
  19. BrianC

    BrianC Well known member


    Oh, yeah, I didn't mean to imply you weren't accepting the pain. It just seemed like you might not be accepting it yet or accepting it fully yet. It takes a long time to fully accept it, sometimes. I go back and forth with accepting my pains when they come up.

    Sign up on the Body Code's newsletter and hopefully they'll send you an invitation to their Thursday webinar. They have a webinar nearly every Thursday, and I get invited to most of them. They're very interesting to listen to. The creator of the Body Code tells how it works, then asks for volunteers who are listening/watching the webinar. Just about every person he works with on there ends up with most or all of their pain and medical condition corrected. Not 100% of them, but probably 98% of them. Very interesting. I enjoyed the book, too. I tried using it on myself, but my self-sabotage prevented it from working. That's good, though. I asked God a while back to teach me as much about healing as possible so I'd be able to help people. So I knew I was asking to basically go through a lot of pain so I could learn how to take care of it. That's why it's never easy for me. lol I always have to figure out and work through the most difficult issues for my own health. But it's fun, in a way, figuring each issue out and trying different ideas for resolving them. At times, I kind of regret asking to for that, and asking Him to humble me no matter how much it hurts. lol But 99% of the time, I'm thankful for it. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

    Don't have a doctor cut your foot off. lol When a foot or hand or arm gets cut off, often the person will have phantom pains, as if the arm or foot is still there. So while attempting to escape pain, the person actually locks their self into pain. But we have some cool therapies nowadays to fix that phantom limb pain. They use a mirror with the existing limb, then remove it to show that the other limb is gone. The brain sees that it's gone, and realizes it finally, then stops sending the phantom pain signals. Interesting subject.

    Well, good luck. Hope you have some integrations soon.
  20. Renate

    Renate Peer Supporter

    Brian, maybe you know the proverb: beware of the fulfillment of your wishes :)
    Thank you for your wishes to me!

    I think the quality of my pain is quite similar to phantom limb pain. Fortunately I still have my foot!

    Which page of the Body Code do you mean? I found the page of Bradley Nelson but I couldn't find the webinar.

Share This Page