donavanf
Well known member
I will try to keep this short, though I could (and might) write a novel.
Many years (lifetime) of TMS. I can turn the mildest meow into a lions roar of a catastrophe.
Backtrack: Sprained my toe on April 11, 2019. 2:35PM. Culprit: Bedpost. (I keep detailed notes on all injuries).
What should have just been a stubbed toe, turned into a major drama. 2 visits to doctor, one visit to physical therapist, SIX sets of X-RAYS (normal!), walking boot/shoe, epsom salt baths, etc. I was taping the toes, walking in a "surgical shoe" and limping for FOUR WEEKS. Around this same time, my doc told me that I had a "small red flag" in my bloodwork, which was a positive ANA, a POSSIBLE marker of autoimmune disease. The subtests for Lupus, Scleroderma, Sjogren's syndrome, Polymyositis, and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (11 subtests) were all NEGATIVE. My doctor said that between the negative subtests, and the relatively low ANA Titer of 1:160 (about 5-10% of normal people with no autoimmune disease have this), I have "nothing to worry about, thank god".
Doc said, "We can retest in a few months, but since you have no autoimmune symptoms, and the subtests all normal (as was ALL my other comprehensive bloodwork)...Don't worry! Be happy!".
Well, I AM WORRIED. And I am NOT HAPPY. My mom had serious Lupus (SLE), and it led to what killed her. I watched her die. My sister has Rheumatoid Arthritis, mild, but it's there and she talks about it CONSTANTLY. My doc said we will "keep an eye out, considering my family history, but don't worry, everything looks ok as of now". He keeps telling me not to worry, and we will "keep an eye out". Well, I've already read three books on autoimmune diseases, joined support groups for diseases I don't have and I am certain I am a ticking time bomb. My hypochondriac brain has the pedal of the Porsche pinned to the floor of my nervous system, like Mario Andretti in the final lap of the Indianapolis 500.
Did I mention I was worried? Specifically, I am CONVINCED that I have Rheumatoud Arthritis. It's no joke, and I know I MIGHT have it, but I also know that this is how the past 2 months went down (spoiler alert...TMS):
The last two months, have been among the most stressful in my life. Financially, things have been nearing the level of homelessness, I am trying to run my own full time business, and also, my sister just had surgery and I was her primary caretaker for a week. She is my biggest TMS trigger by FAR. #1! No contest. And I've been with her for a week, as my TMS rises and rises, like a red tide of RAGE.
I love her, and would do anything for her, but even just having dinner with her triggers my TMS. And I've had to care for her, in and out of her home, for a week straight. And now, my sprained toe (which is fully healed by the way, all X-Rays and imaging tests normal) still hurts, and the pain has SPREAD into the other toes on the OPPOSITE foot. When I went in for my sprain a few weeks back, my doc said, "One reason I know you don't have rheumatoid arthritis is that your sprained toe explains the pain. If you had RA, you'd have pain in the OTHER toes on the OTHER foot as well".
Two days later, I began to develop pain in those other toes, on the other foot, and it began on the very days I went to stay with my sister. And to add insult to injury, I fell down in her driveway while attempting to carry her laundry that I had just done, as she ran after me yelling and driving me nuts. I didn't hurt myself at all, just a little fall going down some steps, but that night, my toes began to hurt very badly in both feet. My doc can't figure out why this is. He thinks it sounds NOT like rheumatoid arthritis. But I think I have it now. He will run the RA tests in a few weeks. He says "even if you do have it, it's very mild at this point, and you will be my first case of RA where the pain is in one toe and one toe, usually it's in the whole foot. but please be more careful while walking". And he says I have "hammer toes" which "frequently cause pain and clumsiness". He recommended I see a podiatrist. The PT told me my hammer toes were "mild, and could be solved with orthotics and physical therapy". When I told her my hammer toes had never caused me pain before, she said, "Well, they are know, you're getting older, for one...". I just turned 48.
Now, my whole foot hurts. My feet feel like I am 90 years old. They hurt, burn, ache, and my toes feel like punching bags. I feel SO MUCH anger and rage. I am so angry at my sister, my life, myself. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't "stand up" for myself. Literally and figuratively.
Do you think TMS can be in feet and toes? WTF. Help!
(I am fully aware of how much this sounds like TMS...INTELLECTUALLY and COGNITIVELY...I mean...for sure its TMS...but I am finding it very hard to FEEL the anger and fear, and memories of my mom and her lupus and HER foot and ankle pain loom in my mind. She died of cancer, after attempting suicide, and I was there for ALL OF THAT. I was the one who found her with her wrists slashed and saved her life, and then cared for her in the last six weeks of her life. That was the beginning of my TMS escalating, and my dad left the family a few months later, and I was orphaned with just my sister and I've not recovered from this trauma. Dr. David Schechter told me I had "TMS on STEROIDS...one of the worst cases he had ever seen.)
Many years (lifetime) of TMS. I can turn the mildest meow into a lions roar of a catastrophe.
Backtrack: Sprained my toe on April 11, 2019. 2:35PM. Culprit: Bedpost. (I keep detailed notes on all injuries).
What should have just been a stubbed toe, turned into a major drama. 2 visits to doctor, one visit to physical therapist, SIX sets of X-RAYS (normal!), walking boot/shoe, epsom salt baths, etc. I was taping the toes, walking in a "surgical shoe" and limping for FOUR WEEKS. Around this same time, my doc told me that I had a "small red flag" in my bloodwork, which was a positive ANA, a POSSIBLE marker of autoimmune disease. The subtests for Lupus, Scleroderma, Sjogren's syndrome, Polymyositis, and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease (11 subtests) were all NEGATIVE. My doctor said that between the negative subtests, and the relatively low ANA Titer of 1:160 (about 5-10% of normal people with no autoimmune disease have this), I have "nothing to worry about, thank god".
Doc said, "We can retest in a few months, but since you have no autoimmune symptoms, and the subtests all normal (as was ALL my other comprehensive bloodwork)...Don't worry! Be happy!".
Well, I AM WORRIED. And I am NOT HAPPY. My mom had serious Lupus (SLE), and it led to what killed her. I watched her die. My sister has Rheumatoid Arthritis, mild, but it's there and she talks about it CONSTANTLY. My doc said we will "keep an eye out, considering my family history, but don't worry, everything looks ok as of now". He keeps telling me not to worry, and we will "keep an eye out". Well, I've already read three books on autoimmune diseases, joined support groups for diseases I don't have and I am certain I am a ticking time bomb. My hypochondriac brain has the pedal of the Porsche pinned to the floor of my nervous system, like Mario Andretti in the final lap of the Indianapolis 500.
Did I mention I was worried? Specifically, I am CONVINCED that I have Rheumatoud Arthritis. It's no joke, and I know I MIGHT have it, but I also know that this is how the past 2 months went down (spoiler alert...TMS):
The last two months, have been among the most stressful in my life. Financially, things have been nearing the level of homelessness, I am trying to run my own full time business, and also, my sister just had surgery and I was her primary caretaker for a week. She is my biggest TMS trigger by FAR. #1! No contest. And I've been with her for a week, as my TMS rises and rises, like a red tide of RAGE.
I love her, and would do anything for her, but even just having dinner with her triggers my TMS. And I've had to care for her, in and out of her home, for a week straight. And now, my sprained toe (which is fully healed by the way, all X-Rays and imaging tests normal) still hurts, and the pain has SPREAD into the other toes on the OPPOSITE foot. When I went in for my sprain a few weeks back, my doc said, "One reason I know you don't have rheumatoid arthritis is that your sprained toe explains the pain. If you had RA, you'd have pain in the OTHER toes on the OTHER foot as well".
Two days later, I began to develop pain in those other toes, on the other foot, and it began on the very days I went to stay with my sister. And to add insult to injury, I fell down in her driveway while attempting to carry her laundry that I had just done, as she ran after me yelling and driving me nuts. I didn't hurt myself at all, just a little fall going down some steps, but that night, my toes began to hurt very badly in both feet. My doc can't figure out why this is. He thinks it sounds NOT like rheumatoid arthritis. But I think I have it now. He will run the RA tests in a few weeks. He says "even if you do have it, it's very mild at this point, and you will be my first case of RA where the pain is in one toe and one toe, usually it's in the whole foot. but please be more careful while walking". And he says I have "hammer toes" which "frequently cause pain and clumsiness". He recommended I see a podiatrist. The PT told me my hammer toes were "mild, and could be solved with orthotics and physical therapy". When I told her my hammer toes had never caused me pain before, she said, "Well, they are know, you're getting older, for one...". I just turned 48.
Now, my whole foot hurts. My feet feel like I am 90 years old. They hurt, burn, ache, and my toes feel like punching bags. I feel SO MUCH anger and rage. I am so angry at my sister, my life, myself. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't "stand up" for myself. Literally and figuratively.
Do you think TMS can be in feet and toes? WTF. Help!
(I am fully aware of how much this sounds like TMS...INTELLECTUALLY and COGNITIVELY...I mean...for sure its TMS...but I am finding it very hard to FEEL the anger and fear, and memories of my mom and her lupus and HER foot and ankle pain loom in my mind. She died of cancer, after attempting suicide, and I was there for ALL OF THAT. I was the one who found her with her wrists slashed and saved her life, and then cared for her in the last six weeks of her life. That was the beginning of my TMS escalating, and my dad left the family a few months later, and I was orphaned with just my sister and I've not recovered from this trauma. Dr. David Schechter told me I had "TMS on STEROIDS...one of the worst cases he had ever seen.)
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