Day 1 The beginning of my TMS journey

About 10 years ago, when I was in my early 20's I started experiencing pain while typing. I started trying various ergonomic adjustments. I must have spent thousands of dollars on various types of chairs, mice and keyboards. None of it worked. I used a thumb mouse and the pain switched to my thumb. I tried the pen mouse and the pain switched to my shoulder. I've been using voice recognition for the last six or seven years which is particularly difficult in light of my career as a programmer.

I think it is my mind just playing tricks on me. Whenever I watch horror movies my brain starts interpreting every little noise and shadow as something horrifying. Monsters under the bed syndrome. I think my condition worsened the more I read and researched about RSI. The more symptoms and problems I read about the more my brain managed to find ways to convince me that I was directly affected.

What's my level of acceptance? I have gone from complete this believe to mainly accepting the diagnosis. I'm working on this every day to try and work up to full acceptance. My main worry is that most people talk about RSI/CTS as a progressive disease that gets worse with time. There are so many people that say 'If it hurts, stop' and in the back of my mind I am worried about doing some type of permanent damage if I continue to do the activity that causes pain.

 

I can very much relate to your story, pain described as rsi is making my life and carreer very difficult for me. This situation has been going on for already 10 years, and i am 29 years old. I learned about TMS 2 months ago and I just know it is true, evenmore because i have all kind of other pain problems that come up if i didn't use a computer for a few days. I am also afraid of structural damage, i think it is very important we start fully accepting this is not even possible! Many ex rsi sufferers have recovered completely and so will we! I am now going to write my own day 1 post

 

I have the same symptoms...how are things going, where do I start?

 

Hi Mark, have you started on the structured education program?

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program

 

My advanced Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists suggested I read The Divided Mind. Initially I had a hard time accepting I was a perfectionist. I would ask friends. One friend thought about it and said "anything you decided to do you do 110%" Yip that's me.

Well, bottom line is I have every single personality trait he lists. I didn't always think I had all of them but I would go back and read again then think of an example that proved it to be true. I had another then had another. Yes, I have them all.

So I believe 100% that problems from my childhood contribute significantly to my pain which I have had in various places all over my body all my life. Starting out with Scoliosis surgery when I was 16 years old. Then from that I had unexplained tailbone pain, then shin splint pain, then low back pain, then neck pain, then pelvic floor pain, then bladder pain, tingling feet and hands. It has moved all over the place and was usually contributed to my spinal surgery.

As I read the book and saw myself I felt a slight release in pain, When I talked to others a slight release in pain. The pain would go slightly up then slightly down. so I told more people, reread the book, told more people, read more of the book then found this site. My acid reflux is gone. Shin splint pain is gone. My pelvic floor pain continues to ease. I now walk 4-5 miles each day.

This can happen to you too. Sandy

 

Hi Sandy for sharing. What do you think was the most helpful part of your recovery? Reading the book, talking to people or something else?

 

It is amazing to me how this is possible. How I can read a book and feel slightly better. I tried to journal but I was stuck. So I reread the book marked, checked, and underlined more things I missed the first time. I felt slightly better. I started talking to people I trusted who knew the terrible pain I was having. Again felt slightly better. I looked more on the internet. I found this site. So I started journaling which gave me more insight into my deep grief and pain. As an adult I know it was a horrific situation to loose a 14 mth old baby. I can now see what terrible anger I have toward my parents. As a small child I was not taken care of. Whew..... got to work on that too.

Long answer to a short question. All of it helped. Sandy

 

Hey sandy,

I love to read about your succes so far!
would you recommend The Divided Mind? I thought this was not his best work, and The Mindbody Prescription is the best one. Did you read that one as well?
I am now reading it for the second time and start to understand it better. it's also easier now since i learned new english tms related words in the meantime.

 

Oeps sorry i made a mistake, it is the book Mind over Back pain that is not recommended! The divided mind looks very interesting, since it covers many other tms equivalents! I think I will buy this one as well! When I am reading I feel so confident about the diagnosis that often I feel little pain

 

I have only read The Divided Mind so I can't recommend any others. Rereading for the 2nd time was even more revealing. He just has so much to say. My mind was so open the 2nd time.

 

Hi, just want to encourage you to continue to find your answers here on the wiki and via reading books on TMS. I also suffered from RSI and overcame it. You can too. Don't give up and don't set expectations. Just take it one day at a time.

 

How long did it take you to see a difference

 

Hey Mark,

i can totally relate to your question, but i have also have recently decided to be so confident in the diagnosis that my pain is due to TMS and TMS only so time is not interesting anymore. I think it's key to understand that when you are wondering when your symptoms will alleviate, you are paying to much attention to them, whereas you don't have to be afraid of them anyway. You could also call this Outcome Independence (if you search for this term here in the forum you will find interesting and helpful posts)

Good luck!

Btw writing this post is a sort of self convincing as well

 

My recovery was rather fast. You can read my story, but it can take longer for some people. The key is not to worry about how long it takes. Don't measure success by the calendar or pain scales. It's the journey that you find happiness in.

 

but i am at the start and confused, i seem to be a classic case apart from i dont have any horrible issues in my childhood, I have the mind body prescription book, whilst it makes sense, i just dont know exactly what to do first...i am a very logical person so I need logical steps...
help.

 

The Structured Education Program will give you the steps for digging into yur past. I, too, had no idea what was causing my pain. Now I know. You will too.

 

Sandy thanks for the response, how do I start, I am highly educated and have dr sarnos book. When u said u had no idea, was it emotional?

 

On the front page it shows Structured Education program. Click on it. It will show Day 1 and all the days after that. So you just take one day at a time. You will have various exercises to complete each day.

Yes, my baby brothers death had/has a huge impact on me. my Mother wrapped herself in grief pushing everyone away emotionally for the rest of our lives. I have never been "good enough" to be close to her. I would never have guessed this.

Now I know so I can work on myself. As said to me...there is tremendous value in role playing in private, the scenes of your past of great anguish, and letting the person who hurt you most know every last feeling from your heart. Hold nothing back... just think about it