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The attention on me

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Lynn S, Mar 5, 2018.

  1. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    It's natural to come to the forum to see what's up with others and welcome new members. What's up with that. I caught myself focusing on others instead of asking for the help I need. Sure I care and want to be supportive. However, I have this long history of minimizing my issues knowing I'm a champion that has the strength and fortitude to get through anything.

    I'm upset just writing about this. I recognize it as repressed feelings once again. There's a lump in my throat just thinking about where I go from here. So to the big swallow I'll start with I'm so tired of being tired of the pain that comes with every movement.

    My torn meniscus is coming along at it's six week recovery but there's so much more, It's difficult to walk, bend, sit, stand and most of the time my arm and half of my body is numb. I'm grateful to be off of pills and therapy with great improvement since December. Most people don't know I have problems. I have folks coming to me for healing which I think has contributed to my recovery as well.

    I haven't stayed on track with my one hour a day commitment dedicated to my TMS progress. I've enjoyed the work but have let other excuses get in the way. As usual I think I have the solutions to impliment, hahaha.

    What say you? I need help.

    Thanks in advance.
    JanAtheCPA and plum like this.
  2. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sweetheart, I hear you. Sometimes the load is too heavy to bear alone and we absolutely have to put it down for a time. This is especially true for those of us who tend to endlessly give help and support but rarely ask for it in return.

    I am guilty of the self same problems so I salute your courage and kindness towards yourself to make this plea. In recognising this we take a step forward in our healing because we must learn how to give but also how to receive. It's an act of balance and self-compassion to see and to honour this learning curve.

    For now it is enough to let your troubles be and for you to feel the warmth and support of people here who see the love and light you bring in your messages. May this kindness be reflected back to you manifold at this time of need.

    Do your best to rest, to soothe yourself, to find comfort in any way you can but above all be immensely compassionate with yourself. These dark days pass and in the passing we come to know a little bit more about our shadow side and the self we repress. It is all grist to the mill and part of recovery.

    Meantime please know you are held safe in the thoughts and blessings of someone in the world. Someone who understands and cares that you are hurting when the hurting is too much to bear.

    Much love and hugs,

    Plum x
  3. birder

    birder Well known member

    Okay, I admit it. I cried when I read this.
  4. MWsunin12

    MWsunin12 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Lynn, Thank you for writing your feelings today. I felt pulled to the forum and I didn't know why. Yours is the first post I clicked on.

    So much of TMS is about lack of self-love and putting yourself first. The well is dry. I get it.
    Even not giving yourself the time to focus on the things that could benefit you most is SO relatable.

    I wish I had some grand advice for you, but I only have one thought. Say, "I love myself" in your mind as often as you can until it seeps into the subconscious.

    It's not easy at first, but it's pretty easy to remember and it takes hold in small ways at first and then in larger.

    Thanks again, Lynn.
    JanAtheCPA, Ellen and plum like this.
  5. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

  6. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    I feel like I stepped into a tunnel off pure infinite love as I read these replies. My heart full of comfort and tears in my eyes as I still try to stay disconnected from my feelings so I can see what I'm reading. Thank you all so much. I'm in my car between runs and will give this more deliberate time today.

    My second thought was did I really sound that bad? Maybe I should read my post again. I got my answer immediately. Yes you're worn out and need help don't worry about how you sound. Thank you all. I celebrate asking for help and remain open to receive all that is here form me.
  7. Tiny

    Tiny New Member

    Hey Lynn,

    I totally understand putting others first -- it's a natural inclination for many women. And it's a natural inclination for ppl that suffer from TMS. But you can't pour from an empty cup. Keep up with the recovery program! The best thing you can do is tack it on to a task that you do EVERY DAY. Do you eat breakfast every morning? Do the day's TMS exercises then. Do you brush your teeth every evening? Sit down and do your recovery program then. Make it as normal a part of your day as something you do without even thinking of it. Then before you know it, it will be a part of your everyday life. I understand needing a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. We're here for you. Reach out.
  8. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    Thanks for your help. Yes routine works for me. I always do what's on the schedule no matter how I feel.
  9. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    I'm checking in after reading all of your replies again and must say thank you once more. I've decided against getting tested for other possibilities for this constant pain. I'll spare the details. Simple standing is a problem and I'm afraid if I don't get it together now I could end up in bed for the rest of my life. I'm so drama sometimes.

    I know about the structural issues but was thinking of lupus, lime disease, and a few more things that's not necessary to list since I'm not going to do it. I dedicate 3 hours every morning to myself before work that doesn't include breakfast and getting ready. TMS is included perhaps 3 days out of the 7 days. I'm going to make sure I include my TMS work each day and add two additional times of 45 min throughout the day to take a nap or do one of my morning things later to make room for the TMS in the morning. It's not going to be easy since I'm already overloaded with tasks and not enough time. Probably a lot to do with my troubles.

    I have a wellness center that focuses on the brain. It all comes down to my resistance to change. It's not me, it's my programming. Hahaha. I'm going to have to figure what I'm afraid of and get on with it.

    OK. Thanks again, happy trails, and big hugs.
  10. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Keep taking good care of yourself.


    Plum x
  11. iwire

    iwire Peer Supporter

    Hi Lynn,
    My TMS doctor taught me a strategy recently and as I read your posts I wonder if it could help you....or perhaps you have already tried it--but it was new to me. It is a visualization---he coached me to visualize myself at a time in my life when I really needed nurturing---could be any time.(I chose a time when I was a young mother in a very traumatic and fearful situation with an ill child)... and then visualize myself now--- as an older, more experienced adult-- a healer... providing the needed nurturing to my younger self. It became a very vivid visualization for me. Since you are so good at caring for others--- I wonder if this could help you --as the competent carer that you are 'goes back' so to speak--to nurture you at time when you really needed it. For some reason this visualization of two different versions of myself was very powerful for me...and I honestly felt able to nurture myself. This--combined with Plum's link to Yin yoga- on the other thread --which included the affirmation "I can take care of myself" has given me deep comfort and new confidence. Best wishes--may you find strength and comfort and joy each day as you nurture yourself....
    Lainey, Lynn S, Gigalos and 3 others like this.
  12. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I love this visualisation.
    karinabrown likes this.
  13. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    [QUOTE="iwire, post: 96448, member: 6836"

    Oh shoot this scares me. Therefore, it must be what I need. I'll do this now and look at Plums link to Yin yoga next or my tomorrow morning. Thanks so much.
  14. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    My visualization exercise went back just a few years. A turning point when I realized I had to choose myself over my mother. I relocated my mother who has severe enphazima and knew it was time for different decisions. There's a lot on this subject matter. I figure go with what shows up.

    Looking for the Yin Yoga exercise was the catalyst for so much more. It was recently posted on a thread where Plum was sharing her experience. I'm blessed by grace and so greatful for my wonderful life in Thailand. What I realized was Oh Shit! I had to give up my business of 15 years and liquidate everything I own before bond companies take my properties and everything I own. Fortunately all went well in 60 days and I got on a plane to start over and figure what's next.

    I'm sure this contributes to my overactive survival mode. I've always been on high alert with surivival and safety. Bottom line is not to overlook the extreme life change that threatens my existence. This is probably why I have continueous dreams of hiding for safety, not having a place to sleep or a private bathroom. Damn, I'll probably call a therapist before I finish this post. Anyway, I'm looking forward to my Yin exercise tonight and will continue with what's being revealed.

    Greetings to all and thank you.
    iwire and plum like this.
  15. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Lynn, your unfolding of these memories is profoundly healing. Thank you for continuing to be open and for sharing how your healing progresses.

    The key insight is to remember that these experiences are in the past and you did survive them. You are stronger and more resourceful than you realise. As beautiful soul @iwire says above the affirmation "I can take care of myself" is incredibly powerful.

    In Alan Gordon's program he tells us that the combination of somatic tracking and cognitive soothing is the key to healing. The wonderful thing about this yin yoga series is that it is the perfect blend of somatic tracking and cognitive soothing. Having done yin for about 3 years now I am able to take the practice off the mat and into daily life with ease, the moment-by-moment integration of well-being.

    Having enduring those traumas and travails it is now time to soothe the echoes of fear, because that is all they all.

    Plum x
    Lynn S and iwire like this.
  16. Lynn S

    Lynn S Peer Supporter

    I have an open heart receptive to these wonderful messengers that contribute to this unfoldment.

    Yes my affirmations also vibrate in my soul and cells of my body. I'm on line now to link to the Yin yoga. It's 9pm my time and I'd probably be trying to squeeze something else in if not this. I'm going to stick to this daily practice until I start to schedule a real class locally.

    Is been a few days since I've read Alan Gordon's somatic tracking and cognitive soothing. I was reading it everyday but had to move on. Very powerful for me. I also relate to taking your practice off of the mat. My mindfulness keeps me where I need to be without effort. Practicing this for ten years and still only scratching the surface. Time for Yin Yoga. Hope it's within forty five minutes cause that's when I call it quits tonight.
    iwire likes this.
  17. iwire

    iwire Peer Supporter

    Dear Lynn and Plum-(and others)
    I have been walking in awe since reading your posts this morning....the power of connectedness between people is transcendent to me.... As I watch the threads made possible by social media--but 'listen' to the support and love that plays out as we all try to hold space for each other literally across the world I am profoundly moved. I am grateful to so many sincerely caring souls who contribute on this site to the benefit of others walking the MBS/TMS path. It struck me today that perhaps part of my MBS journey is actually about the renewal of confidence in the goodness in the world... that - I am getting every day from so many on this site --to quote @plum it is helping me to "soothe the echoes of fear" which is at the deepest core of my symptoms.
    With deepest gratitude to all of you--
    Ellen, Lainey, birder and 1 other person like this.
  18. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    You've highlighted something very important here. I'm sure everybody on the forum has been through something that has left them jaded. How wonderful it is to pick oneself up, dust down the heavy heart and move on with a greater capacity to trust, hope and dream.

    You and your gracious words of support are a part of this healing web. We take the goodness generated here out into our small corner of the world and so the healing travels far and wide.

    Keep shining beautiful iwire.

    Plum x
    iwire, birder and Ellen like this.

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