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SYSTEM IMPERATIVE AT WORK?

I try to pray for those who were jerks in my life. I pray for them to find peace so they can stop hurting others.

If you don't forgive, the jerk wins. Forgive and you win.
 
Hey Jan and Mike,

No need to be sad and or sorry....I used to belong on the other TMS site and I just want to express that I don't want my post to come off as offending to people who believe that everyone should or can forgive..
and I realize that everyone is awesome on this board.

It's been very hard for me to forgive my family members...

Yesterday something terrible happened to me via brother who did something very uncaring to my 90 year old Mom.

Long story short, someone had try to comprise my Mom's bank account!

My Brother put his name on the Trust and made himself Power of Attorney even though I live with my Mom and take care of her by myself.

Because I am not POA of my Mom's account I couldn't clear the problem and it would of only take my Brother 5 minutes of his time for him to call the bank to clear the username and password!

He said he would look into it and the next day he said he was to busy to do it.

I was so hurt because he has become so uncaring!

I had to take my poor 90 year old Mom to the bank to clear the matter up and it took 2 1/2 hours...

I was so upset with him that I opened a joint account so that if this happened again, I wouldn't have to bother him.

He is so uncaring and it upsets me so much....

You can see how it is hard for me to forgive...

I am not even sure if I am just hurt by the hole thing...I had to miss a day of work as well and I only work part time..

Kalo
 
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Hi Kalo,

I don't want to upset you with my post, but just want to be firm and honest.

I can see that you have a bad relationship with your brother and perhaps one which may be too far gone to salvage.

You're post resonates with me, because, I, too have had people whom I thought didn't care and everytime I saw them my natural reaction was to be upset.

I think now you have come to this hard, self realisation, that he is and always be the same, you need to accept him for how he is. I know it's not easy, but as you shift your focuss from upset, anger, sadness into a more compassionate space ie, accepting what is and letting go you will feel a reduction in anger and your bodys energy will restore to a place where healing is possible.
 
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I don't want to upset you with my post, but just want to be firm and honest.

I can see that you have a bad relationship with your brother and perhaps one which may be too far gone to salvage.

You're post resonates with me, because, I, too have had people whom I thought didn't care and everytime I saw them my natural reaction was to be upset.

I think now you have come to this hard, self realisation, that he is and always be the same, you need to accept him for how he is. I know it's not easy, but as you shift your focuss from upset, anger, Sadness into a more compassionate space ie, accepting what is and letting go you will feel a reduction in anger and your bodys energy will restore to a place where healing is possible.
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Hi Mike2o14,

I am not upset at all as you bring out GREAT wisdom!

The thing is he created this big MESS which seriously AFFECTS my life very much and how do you forgive when you are inching your way in traffic (2 hours one way) on a part time job. He did not care that there was no job market out in the city he convinced my Mom to move to.

When I get out of the car after the long drive into the morning my pirformis is killing my right leg and buttock. Yeah the right leg that excels the pedal, LOL I know it's anger over what was done! Even if I try not to be angry, I am certain subconsciously I am!

It's hard to be 48 years old on a part time gig and my Mom being 90 and God forbid something happens to her, well the job market isn't easy.

I have all these emotions going on and loosing my Dad wasn't easy either!!

I truly appreciate this site and next time I won't be so tuff on myself assuming I am going to offend someone by speaking how I feel :)

You know us "Do gooders" always afraid to offend the next person :)

Kalo
 
Kalo,

It takes alot to offend me. :) and please feel free to open up, it's a support forum lol without the likes of people like us, there would be less site traffic lol

Have you started one of the programs, it seems you have quite alot to off load, by means of journalling?

I'm not telling you to forgive him, this may seem a difficult ask for anyone, BUT, for your own sanity, health, well being and piece of mind, I think you need to "accept" everything as is, by perhaps incorporating "mindfulness" into your day.

You can keep going back and fourth in your mind as to why he's made you angry, upset etc, I have a tendency to over analyse too, but it's not healthy or a constructive way to spend time and process ones emotions (focuss on what is; nature, surrounds etc)

Perhaps, look at changing within and not trying to change the external factors that you have no control over and which cause you unnecessary suffering.

As soon as you shift your thinking to a healthy state you'll be able to look at the big picture with more clarity, focuss and without conflict and even the impossible will be possible.
 
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balto said:
I don't know who in this world would be healthy living in that kind of toxic environment? I don't believe any tms/mind body method out there would help. I believe you just have to try your best to get out of that living arrangement or just accept it and focus on the good things in life. Complaint or blowing off steam here or at home is not going to help, in my opinion.
With all that hatred you have for your wife now, talking about all that forgiveness stuff to you is like telling the Jews to forgive Hitler. It is just impossible. Hearing your story without hearing it from your wife, I think it is unfair for anyone to say anything negative about her. And if any of us do, it just going to feed you with more hatred for her. I don't think any of that is going to help.
If you can't forgive, try to forget and move on. You body is stuck with her but your mind don't have to. The best revenge is to show the other how happy and successful we are without him/her.
(sorry if this offended you. I'm just thought this may help)
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Not at all it was very eye opening….I like people who give a honest opinion thx u no offense taken
 
Kalo said:
I am probably going to get dissed....

But, for all of you who say "forgive and let go", its not that easy!

When family, members, friends, spouse do harm to you that is VERY HURTFUL, its not easy to just forgive and let go....

The Forgiviness myth, book was recommended to me by a Priest! YES, a PRIEST, and it is a great book!

I don't know about Boston's situation and you might be right in the fact there is two sides to a story, but, maybe the best thing for Boston is to leave his wife and find happiness.

However, I TOTALLY get it and when a person is stuck in a situation they can't walk away from because of circumstances it is a living nightmare.

It's not easy and it puts STRESS on the body, I am sorry but it does.

My family members did some pretty horrible things after my Dad passed!

Their SELFISH descisions making, was not in the best interest for my Mom and or me.

Unless you are Jesus, Buddah or Krishna, we are humans and it is hard to forgive and let go!

You will heal in time, but, in the meant time be easy on yourself!

Believe me that is why FORGIVNESS is a big my and on top of that when one finds it hard to forgive it CREATES it STRESS and GUILT!!!

Kalo
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EXCELLENT ADVICE
 
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