nowtimecoach
Well known member
I wanted to share about the wildest experience I had with a symptom imperative yesterday. I recently made the decision to drop a major responsibility in my life that was volunteer in nature. Through the TMS recovery work, I could see how my personality trait of being a goodist was feeding this responsibility. I could also sense the pressure I was creating with trying to meet the needs of this obligation. My recovery from pain has been, in my opinion, slow and so I keep trying new workbooks suggested on the forum to keep on top of this new healing awareness.
For some reason, could be the new book, could be its just time….but I feel like I've made some major strides in capturing those moments where I am creating stress or pressure for myself. After I dropped this commitment, the pain in my back went away. Full scale 100% AWAY. It has been months since I've had a pain free day (altho the pain is waaaay lessened from the beginning days!!!) As you all know, there is no greater feeling to be pain free for any moment after being in chronic pain!
So yesterday, I did not do what I committed myself to doing (an opportunity to beat myself up.) I started stressing about a party for 30 people that my partner and I are going to give next weekend (increasing anxiety.) I noticed myself feeling vague and distracted, not in my body (opportunity to beat myself up for not being present.) Then I went to a movie I didn't want to see and DURING the movie, I am catching myself yelling and berating my actions - for not staying home and working and its a crappy movie and what am I doing here anyway….blah, blah, blah. I totally took the train of thought to a trainwreck. And guess what happened? My foot of all things started killing me. To the point I could barely walk out of the theatre. I had done absolutely nothing physical to cause the pain.
By the time I got home, I was in screaming pain for my foot. Couldn't lay it down, hurt to put ice on it… I kept thinking about Herbie's story to being in hospital and trying desperately to keep the focus that it was TMS. I remembered Walt telling us all the time to find something funny to laugh at. Every time I had a thought or worry that it was going to last - that I should go to the hospital, I tried focusing on something else. I bounced my other leg up and down to place my attention on it. I watched a comedy show on TV. I will admit that I took advil because frankly if it was going to be a placebo, I WANTED it!!
I just kept telling myself that my thoughts of anxiety and criticism were underneath this pain. That I could handle it. That everything will probably be better tomorrow. And guess what? It is! I can easily walk on my foot. I am staying home to take care of what I didn't do yesterday and I'm spending some time in meditation loving and accepting myself just the way I am right now.
I wouldn't have been able to hold on the TMS recovery thoughts if I hadn't read all your posts and learned from your experiences. I thank you over and over for your participation! PS - and the pain in my back is still gone!
For some reason, could be the new book, could be its just time….but I feel like I've made some major strides in capturing those moments where I am creating stress or pressure for myself. After I dropped this commitment, the pain in my back went away. Full scale 100% AWAY. It has been months since I've had a pain free day (altho the pain is waaaay lessened from the beginning days!!!) As you all know, there is no greater feeling to be pain free for any moment after being in chronic pain!
So yesterday, I did not do what I committed myself to doing (an opportunity to beat myself up.) I started stressing about a party for 30 people that my partner and I are going to give next weekend (increasing anxiety.) I noticed myself feeling vague and distracted, not in my body (opportunity to beat myself up for not being present.) Then I went to a movie I didn't want to see and DURING the movie, I am catching myself yelling and berating my actions - for not staying home and working and its a crappy movie and what am I doing here anyway….blah, blah, blah. I totally took the train of thought to a trainwreck. And guess what happened? My foot of all things started killing me. To the point I could barely walk out of the theatre. I had done absolutely nothing physical to cause the pain.
By the time I got home, I was in screaming pain for my foot. Couldn't lay it down, hurt to put ice on it… I kept thinking about Herbie's story to being in hospital and trying desperately to keep the focus that it was TMS. I remembered Walt telling us all the time to find something funny to laugh at. Every time I had a thought or worry that it was going to last - that I should go to the hospital, I tried focusing on something else. I bounced my other leg up and down to place my attention on it. I watched a comedy show on TV. I will admit that I took advil because frankly if it was going to be a placebo, I WANTED it!!
I just kept telling myself that my thoughts of anxiety and criticism were underneath this pain. That I could handle it. That everything will probably be better tomorrow. And guess what? It is! I can easily walk on my foot. I am staying home to take care of what I didn't do yesterday and I'm spending some time in meditation loving and accepting myself just the way I am right now.
I wouldn't have been able to hold on the TMS recovery thoughts if I hadn't read all your posts and learned from your experiences. I thank you over and over for your participation! PS - and the pain in my back is still gone!
