Day 1 Stunned

I have just finished watching the 20/20 segment and I am just stunned at how lucky I am to have found out about TMS when I did. Not that I haven't suffered! But I really do think I have experienced a miracle. I am almost finished reading Healing Back Pain, and like others I had a 97% cessation of pain overnight. There is just a little bit of roving numbness in my toes.

My therapist recommended the wiki site to me when I mentioned last week that I was beginning to really see a connection in the back pain/symptoms I had and those of two important people in my life. I said I thought I was carrying their pain for them.

I've never had an MRI but I was about to. I have seen many practitioners over the years, most recently a chiropractor. I have been thinking about how much harder it may have been to accept the diagnosis once I had "seen" a picture of my back.

I was very frightened to hear that repressed rage and anxiety are part of this syndrome. I'm the most emotionally aware person I know (or thought so anyway). What could I have missed?

My serious pain came on Mother's Day this year...I ended up in the emergency room. I have NEVER been in so much pain in my entire life, and I've had two babies! I am starting to ask myself the question, "what could I be angry about?" and "what causes me anxiety?" and try to be open to what seems unacceptable to express. I've already got a long, long list. I also am beginning to understand that certain conscientious and perfectionistic people like me generate more of these emotions.

I've come to see that there is a perfect storm of issues swirling in my life, and since I have demanded so much of myself for so long, it had to have been serious pain to get my attention. I was already looking at finding a connection, but learning about TMS just gave me the tools I need to address it completely.

 

Welcome, Susan - and congratulations! 97% is pretty exciting! I had about 80% relief of some of my physical symptoms after reading The Divided Mind. Working on the Structured Educational Program, getting involved in the forum, and looking into other resources recommended by the wonderful folks in this community helped me make good progress with some of the tougher symptoms, and I'm still learning, still doing, still trying new things, all of which help in this lifelong journey of TMS.

LOL, this was me when I started! I remember doubting that I could find "rage" and I put that in my first post on the SEP! I eventually figured it out - it was both interesting and liberating. You're clearly already making progress.

I seem to have been in a lot of conversations lately that start with an assumption that being aware of childhood issues "should" have been enough to avoid these symptoms. What many of us are now learning is not what those issues were, but how they shaped our lifelong responses to the relationships and challenges that we face as adults. There have been some great posts here on this topic. You might be interested in this post by TMS author (not a practitioner) Steve Ozanich: http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/seeking-the-grail.529/

Keep us posted, and again, welcome to the community. As you experience success in your recovery, I hope you'll join in reaching out to others - it's a very rewarding thing to do. We're here for you!

Jan

 

thank you thank you thank you Jan. Your encouragement is very comforting to me. And I have started reading the article you cited. It is very wise. It turns out that Dr. Sopher is in practice in the town I live in, Exeter NH. Imagine that.