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Stuck, no change

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by crimslock, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. crimslock

    crimslock Peer Supporter


    Well not much doing for me at the moment, TMS symptoms have not decreased. I started the treatment 5 months ago. I have gone stale. My success has been that i am now able to do all physical activity with no restrictions. That is walking, running, bike ridding, golf(that's a miracle), very heavy lifting and bending. But my TMS symptoms of burning and pain through all different parts of the body have not decreased and honestly are the same as 5 months ago. These symptoms occur when i sit or lye down. So my programming will not undo... Its weird that i have no fear of any physical activities and can do any physical activities pain free now but i still have sever TMS symptoms when i sit or lye. When i first started the treatment and would do physical activities such as bending or a walk, yes i would get pain but in time it went away. So why hasn't the same happened for sitting or lying??? So i am a bit stuck at the moment and honestly the last say 6 days i have taking a break from TMS treatment. A bit deflated i guess...

    I also had a bad journalling experience last Saturday. Whilst journalling i decided to speak out loud to that person i was journalling about(ISTDP framework from Dr Schubiner book). I opened up and spoke things i would only dream of saying to them. I really started screaming so so loud and physically abusing my pillow and bed. I lost it. I honestly thought this was what you were meant to do. That's experience the anger and release it. But after it i felt so terrible. My head was pounding and i was overcome with anger. I could feel anger running through my veins. My arms were burning with rage. I was on edge and felt i could explode at any-time. I really had to be careful around people and i did once scream at my wife when she bugged me a little (felt so bad about that), the anger just poured out. So this strong anger and rage lasted 2 days or so and i had to do daily physical exercise to release it... I am so confused by this, i thought by experiencing the anger and expressing it was meant to help cure you not send you nuts???
  2. Michael Reinvented

    Michael Reinvented Peer Supporter

    Hey Crimslock,

    Can't offer any real insights here man as I am a bit stuck like you . At least pain free movement is happening for you! This must be the road to full recovery.

    Just read this inspirational advice by Dr Z, and thought that it would offer you some hope. Hold on to the progress so far Crimmster....

    " Even though you may not be completely sure where your road to recovery from TMS will lead to next, trust in the process. Know that many have been down this same road before you. You are not alone in this journey."
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  3. honeybear424

    honeybear424 Well known member

    Sorry to hear that you are struggling so much, Crimslock.

    Don't feel bad. I started my TMS work about 7 months ago and am finding that I am worse now than ever. I'm having more pain and anxiety as a result of restarting my Unlearn Your Pain workbook a couple of weeks ago. Last Saturday I hurt from head to toe...even both of my legs hurt and I have never had that before. I also had these other weird pains that have come and gone. At one point, my husband came into the room and said, "Your TMS is attacking you fiercely because it knows you are really onto something, " (and he hasn't even read any books!) The other day while vacuuming, I had a new pain in my low back that made me think I wasn't going to be able to finish. I started speaking out loud very emphatically to my TMS, telling my brain that I was not going to tolerate ONE MORE PAIN in my body, that it needed to stop because I am not going to tolerate it. Well, after doing this for a bit, guess what?! The pain went away and has not returned! :D

    I'm being shown without a shadow of a doubt the connection between my emotions and my pain /anxiety, and I am more determined than ever to beat it!

    Hang in there!
    JanAtheCPA and veronica73 like this.
  4. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    Hi Crimslock,

    I tried some of the hitting pillows, visualizing hitting the bully, etc. but for me it actually felt really hollow like I was trying to conjure up an emotion that wasn't there rather than process or release something. I think things work differently for different people. It sounds like you were afraid when so much anger came up. Maybe try finding a therapist you can work with on how to feel the anger without being afraid of it or overwhelmed by it?

    I really liked Thich Nhat Hanh's book, "Anger." It resonated with me more than anything else I read about anger.
    Forest and JanAtheCPA like this.
  5. Michael Reinvented

    Michael Reinvented Peer Supporter

    G'Day Crimslock.

    Try reading Steve Ozanich's "The Great Pain Deception".
    The aha moment for me in this book is that whilst a lucky few are capable of a "Sarno Book Cure", the majority of us have to wait it out for 6-12 mths or longer. ( Timetables feed the Loop). Years of rusted on pain patterns take a lot of unlearning. It's a heart wrenching recount of how low you can go, never give up on yourself, keep the faith and become totally pain freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
    Forest and JanAtheCPA like this.
  6. crimslock

    crimslock Peer Supporter

    Cheers mate, thats good stuff ay!!!!
    I can relate to stressing on why its taking so long. When i read your post, a few hours later i stopped and thought about how it can take longer than a year to fully recover. That brought a smile to my face and amazing a losing (lightening) of muscles around my hips/waist. Just knowing my recovery so far is normal and it may take longer than 3 months, i felt all this pressure disappear. Its interesting i didn't realise i had all this pressure until it went away!!!
    Forest and JanAtheCPA like this.
  7. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Wow - what a great thread, everyone! Thanks for starting it, Crimslock - I was so thrilled to read the positive responses from people sharing in this journey, even as they are still struggling, and then even more excited reading your last post! Everyone is doing great work.

    I LOVE this stuff and I LOVE this community! Hugs all around, guys and gals :^)

    Forest and veronica73 like this.
  8. crimslock

    crimslock Peer Supporter

    Jan, what can i say. I am speechless. This site you guys have created is priceless. I have had several amazing physical improvements from reading peoples replies to my posts. It so wonderful to be able to come here for healing and support. I am forever in debt to this community>>
    Becca likes this.
  9. Michael Reinvented

    Michael Reinvented Peer Supporter

    ... and a hug to you too, Jan for your selfless support.

    Chronic Pain is without doubt, far more physically and mentally debilitating when suffered alone.

    Long Live the TMS Wiki. Long Live us - pain free.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  10. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hence why Calender Watching can prevent people from recovering. One of the best lines I have heard recently came from Alan Gordon where he said: One of the clearest paths to eliminating your symptoms is to take away the pain's power by overcoming your preoccupation with it. When you have pressure to recover by a certain day you still preoccupied with your symptoms. This is part of why gaining Outcome Independence is so freeing.

    It comes down to changing how you measure your level of success from being focused on being symptom free to not caring about the symptoms. When you take away the pressure you are, in some ways, achieving this. When all of the stress and pressure go away you are no longer feeding the pain cycle, and are taking meaningful steps to fully thinking psychological about your symptoms.
  11. Beach-Girl

    Beach-Girl Well known member

    Hi Crimslock:

    I too have been on the path to recovery for a long time. Some days I feel I can take on my world, and other days I want to hide. I too am frustrated that I can't seem to find that magic bullet that will take away my pain. I too have gotten angry - and it kind of freaks me out when it happens. But obviously I'm "stuffing" a lot. I am gradually learning this about myself. Perhaps this is true for you too.

    They say that really there is "no time". It's something we created. So if you think about it in these abstract terms, you (and me) can possibly get away from how long this is taking. I think this thread is inspiring as well. I've not been on in awhile and reading this first has helped me to see that I'm not someone who doesn't get it, I'm someone (like yourself) that is on a certain rung of the ladder.

    And we're all climbing this together.

    Good luck and hang in there

  12. Susan

    Susan Peer Supporter

    Hello Fellow Climbers,

    Finding the wiki and Sarno three months ago was my "aha" moment. Have dealt with various pains and TMS equivalents probably my whole life. Once I retired fully beginning of 2012, the distractions of work, busy travel schedule and other things were gone as well as a paycheck. By February I was anxious, getting MRIs, meds, visiting docs, physical therapy and one injection in my piriformis. I was a mess and did not even know myself. I also was embarrassed about what I had become.

    Sarno, Schubiner, the wiki and all of you have given me my life back. I still have some back, sciatic, gluteal and other upper thigh symptoms but am so much better. I am realizing a book cure is elusive for me at least. Working the program every day and staying as psychological as possible has been really important but not easy. I know from reading everyone's experiences through this rabbit hole that a pain free life will come when it comes. I am not a patient person but this journey we are on requires me to develop that trait.

    One thing that I began doing about a month ago was creating a weekly list of Accomplishments, noting anything that changed for the better, even a tiny bit. I decided writing about my symptoms each day was counterproductive for me. This list is a great way to document progress and can be done even monthly. I may note something as simple as feeling happier or having an easier time accessing my emotions, noting whether there is chatter from my unconscious child or parent and soothing them more effectively.

    My symptoms are on the run. I can laugh as some of the ridiculous ones as they appear cause I know what they are are why they are occurring.

    I take inspiration from you all.

    Many thanks,

  13. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    Yes, Susan, your experience of so-called 'retirement' bringing on TMS pain certainly correlates with my own experience. Seems like when you start getting SS and then Medicare, certain big questions about the ultimate meaning of life that you've been able to ignore by working hard and achieving goals become unavoidable. Confronting those major existential questions - as Dr Z maintains - certainly result in some psychic inner fireworks! You'd think you'd go out and set off roman candles and celebrate, but, no, the old psychological paradigms that you have held onto since childhood continue to try to operate as if nothing has changed. You just have to reinvent yourself, but that sure isn't an easy process, is it?
  14. Susan

    Susan Peer Supporter


    Thanks and you are correct about the need to reinvent oneself. TMS has certainly been an insightful journey which isn't over for me yet. However, I am much more savvy now than before. Wanting to explore the idea that aging is rage material for the unconscious.
  15. BruceMC

    BruceMC Beloved Grand Eagle

    "One life, many rebirths!"

    - George Harrison

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