Struggling today...not usually one to ask for support...

Cactusflower

Cactusflower

Beloved Grand Eagle
Hello Fellow TMS'ers.
Today has been a tough one. Last week I felt I had some good success. Since then I have been struggling.
My symptoms are multi and varied. Many are postural, rotations (I and others see them. I feel them), LOT of hip flexor tension, low back and right low back often feels like it's going to have a big spasm. Other right side symptoms. Head is torqued a bit, lot of jaw tension, ankle pain (had been diagnosed with tibial tendon disorder in the past). Like many my pelvis is rotated, and my posture is not the same as it was a few years ago.
Fear is huge. Fear of a spasm (I had a terrible incident 1o years ago which I can not get out of my head, many smaller re occurrences since then.
Today is rough. Yesterday was tough. Maybe tomorrow will be awesome.
We have these days.
And today I just feel the need for a little support. Someone who understands, who's been there. I struggle with many things. I'm working on it.
Today has just been sad, somewhat frustrating, somewhat fearful. Sometimes the journey seems very long and the road not so straight. Today is one of those days.
I hope your day has been much more smooth.
 
Keep doing the daily reminders. Keep reading the literature. Keep thinking about what your unconscious might be reacting to and why..... This is a small war. The TMS vs. your ability to be steady and trust the tools. Use that hip, leg, ankle!

I have been fighting and beating this for about a month. It keeps trying to sneak back and I keep challenging it. Every time it tries to stop me I say "F-you" and I go out and run, cycle, play baseball, do sit-ups...pretty much the opposite of what it is telling me is 'the problem'

The real problem is I am (unconsciously) probably afraid of moving forward in my life so the pain is telling me to 'quit'. So that is the one thing I can NOT do.

hang in there..it gets better, but it must be fought.
 
Baseball65 said:
Keep doing the daily reminders. Keep reading the literature. Keep thinking about what your unconscious might be reacting to and why..... This is a small war. The TMS vs. your ability to be steady and trust the tools. Use that hip, leg, ankle!

I have been fighting and beating this for about a month. It keeps trying to sneak back and I keep challenging it. Every time it tries to stop me I say "F-you" and I go out and run, cycle, play baseball, do sit-ups...pretty much the opposite of what it is telling me is 'the problem'

The real problem is I am (unconsciously) probably afraid of moving forward in my life so the pain is telling me to 'quit'. So that is the one thing I can NOT do.

hang in there..it gets better, but it must be fought.
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Can you refresh me on what Literature to re-read besides John Sarnos book?
 
@yvettemariabetancourt Books: Alan Gordon has a new book, “The Way Out”. I find it pretty straight to the point.

@Baseball65 , thank you and I’m sorry you are going through this too.

Today is already rough. I’m still in bed fearing my shower, fearing getting up and dealing with this day. Dealing with myself and my tms baggage. Been trying to face a lot of emotional stuff I try and avoid. Today I wanna run and hide from it all again. I acknowledge that I bring a lot of stress and tension upon myself.
 
I have the utmost compassion for you Cactusflower. I too had a litany of chronic symptoms and some of them quite bizarre. If you think my recovery story would be helpful, it's in the success story part. Self talk was a huge game changer for me. I didn't lie to myself, that wouldn't have been helpful. But I also stopped telling myself that I was broken, or weak, or fearful. I chose my words very carefully. Especially when the pain had me feeling sad.
((Big hug))
 
@Ann Miller
I relate to you in many ways! I lived in Atlanta for over 20 years, it was where I had my first episode of back pain. And I relate to your long list of symptoms. Not the same, but seemingly to others unrelated when we know deep down they have to be in some way related.. even before we connect the dots.
Only recently did I realize that I have had tms since I was a small child, since starting kindergarten. I think its why I fear vulnerability. And the digging deep. My childlike vulnerability got the best of me, I grew up with a lot of criticism that turned into self criticism. I feel sad a lot, which turns to guilt because I live a very sweet life. Last week my successes related to turning some self talk around. This week even sitting in a chair to journal can be a challenge.
I’m still going to physical therapy. Part of my conflict is to go or to stop going. My PT is encouraging, it gets me out of the house and trying more varied movements. She is listening to the idea of tms and sees that her most challenging clients all have anxiety and fear. I’m not ready to stop yet but last week she suggested I may need to take a break and see of the tms work alone makes headway. I’d been toying with the same idea. However she has helped me learn techniques to help relax my nervous system and that has been so helpful.
 
Thank you for your kind words. I know for myself that I have to analyze what I'm hoping to get from physical modalities. Am I laying on the foam roller to stretch my back and therefore I'm in fear and still think that it needs to be stretched in order to stay pain free? Or am I laying on the foam roller because it just feels good and I like feeling good. Two entirely different energies.
 
@Ann Miller Thanks for your thoughts on the foam roller. I have often wondered if part of the reason "I cannot heavy lift" is because I didn't want to lift things anymore or the same foam roller observation. My guess is the relaxation the foam roller offers is basically good for the head and the back. I feel like if I dont exercise, stretch or roll I fall apart. The "falling apart" part is the problem with this scenario. Cannot be true but feels like it. Anyway, thanks for sharing. I am have started the TMS Recovery Program (again) after 10 years its time to readdress things.
 
Roll because it feels good. Stay active and keep doing the things you love. Good circulation and resilience are important.
 
yvettemariabetancourt said:
besides John Sarnos book?
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That's worked for me for 22 years. I read "Healing Back Pain" and "mindbody prescription".

I know there are lots of other people who have written on the topic BUT , to quote Sarno "Therapeutic eclecticism equals diagnostic incompetence". The Ischemia model explains everything. I have never needed a more elaborate or dynamic or word heavy explanation. Most good idea's are simple and also to paraphrase the good Dr. "Focusing on the physical IS the problem"

To me the symptoms are only useful to give me a hint about which part of my unconscious needs addressing. I have found that whatever the symptom implies I am weak about or can't do is almost always a metaphor for the interior 'issue'...e.g lower back is about supporting myself and responsible economics. Hands means I am trying to control something. Headaches and colds are confusion and lots of little complaints.....

his list in "MindBody Prescription" of perceived emotions versus unconscious ones is very helpful as a checklist.
Cactusflower said:
@Baseball65 , thank you and I’m sorry you are going through this too.
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It was just time. Things I had put off with excuses finally needed to get done and my 'inner whiner' doesn't wanna come along....well , he is coming along, he's just bitching about it (LOL). I fired him.
 
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