Stressors, affection drought. how to remain sane?

Mani

Mani

Well known member
Fight with dad, mum is cold and distant as always. Feeling lonely and pissed. Heart palpitations started yesterday after being away for months.

I cant talk to anybody else. I cant meet anybody else. This is it. I’m gonna have to make do with these people for the time being. How do i deal with stressors like this? Being mad, having no one else to turn to.

I’m pissed. I miss my friends and i need a girlfriend. But cant talk so yeah…..

I tried to keep it short. Looking for thoughts. Thanks

Ps: I wanted to add. Yesterday i was telling myself i can do without affection and attention. But its a lie. Ive been telling myself these things since i was so young. It just leads to more repressed emotions. Ok i do need affection, I’m human, now what?
 
Unfortunately you are in a bit of a tough spot, and I’ll be honest there probably isn’t some insta overnight fix. Your parents are probably going to stay the same for the duration of their lives. Most people after a certain point don’t change much, although they can. We kinda just have to accept who and what they are and work our lives around that especially if we live with them (which both of us do)

yes it’s totally normal to want affection, companionship intimacy, yes you can and should feel and express these frustrations. But if it’s turning to constant craving in a situation that you can’t instantly change then you are just going to get very frustrated and depressed. Feel and process this shit and then turn to something that brings joy, a book, a game, a hobby, fun exercises, challenges (how long can you hold your breath, or learning how to handstand etc etc)

maybe while you’re working through all this and the talking issue you can pick up sign language and meet people that way? Just a thought. Plus it’s another way to occupy your time. It’s an idea I had when I was really dealing with speaking issues.

you are 100% justified in feeling the way you do but if its becoming perpetual then changes need to be made. It’s okay to have down moments, sometimes they may even last a while, but there are always chances to pick yourself back up. Every second is a new chance to push back against a thought or to be compassionate.
 
Diana-M said:
Somehow there’s got to be a way out for you.
Click to expand...
@Mani, if you’ve mainly been doing “top down” stuff like journaling, maybe it’s worth trying some “bottom up” techniques too. @Diana says havening has been helping her a lot — it’s slow, comforting, calming, soothing self-touch. Great for the brain and nervous system. It’s not the same as being with people you care about, but it might still help a bit, maybe even a lot.

I also liked @Rascuttle’s idea about learning sign language. Sometimes thinking outside the box can open a path you didn’t choose, but one that could still change things for the better.
 
Last edited:
When the place that's supposed to make you feel safe becomes filled with such negativity it can be such a challenge to still have hope. Especially if you feel you're trapped, which makes it even more difficult to let a conflict fade out because you're always near each other. Maybe not communicating is the right thing to do for some time, at least that way you know there aren't going to be new conflicts, but at the same time it's important that it's only temporary because they're still your parents and there's nothing more isolating than feeling like they no longer care about you.
 
Welcome to the forum, @Zender ;)

Thanks to everyone for their contributions. Sign language and going out is really not a bad idea but im still way too sensitive for that. At home with captions learning sign language could work I guess… Still trying to find a positive space by myself, knowing I’m safe obviously. I repeat that Buglio adage a lot. ‘Just live life’, it sounds so much easier than it actually is, but i used to cling to loud sounds and in part it was me giving them strength. I can get better, as other people have before me.

Ironically, my quality of life would drastically increase if i were deaf. Theres nothing I can do right now that i wouldnt be able to do deaf except for some stupid whispering.

I suppose its a nice goal to set. Luckily i still have friends. They’ll be able to meet up when I’m ready. To make new friends is gonna take a while. Obviously improvements can happen suddenly, but its a slow slow place. I’m thankful im doing so much better than i was 6 months ago, but it is taking a loooot longer than i wouldve wanted. I’m submitting to it though, not much else i can do.

Sometimes i hope that stuff just suddenly clicks and goes away, but its unlikely to say the least.

I have such a huge time surplus. Imagine what i wouldve been able to do in that time if i could actually go somewhere, absolutely crazy.

I know I’m safe. Life is safe — as much as it is tough. I’ll probably still be here tomorrow. Just ‘getting on with life’. I actually did meet up with some friends yesterday. It made me happy, even though a lot of it is still uncomfortable.

@Diana-M how are you?
 
Mani said:
Welcome to the forum, @Zender ;)

Thanks to everyone for their contributions. Sign language and going out is really not a bad idea but im still way too sensitive for that. At home with captions learning sign language could work I guess… Still trying to find a positive space by myself, knowing I’m safe obviously. I repeat that Buglio adage a lot. ‘Just live life’, it sounds so much easier than it actually is, but i used to cling to loud sounds and in part it was me giving them strength. I can get better, as other people have before me.

Ironically, my quality of life would drastically increase if i were deaf. Theres nothing I can do right now that i wouldnt be able to do deaf except for some stupid whispering.

I suppose its a nice goal to set. Luckily i still have friends. They’ll be able to meet up when I’m ready. To make new friends is gonna take a while. Obviously improvements can happen suddenly, but its a slow slow place. I’m thankful im doing so much better than i was 6 months ago, but it is taking a loooot longer than i wouldve wanted. I’m submitting to it though, not much else i can do.

Sometimes i hope that stuff just suddenly clicks and goes away, but its unlikely to say the least.

I have such a huge time surplus. Imagine what i wouldve been able to do in that time if i could actually go somewhere, absolutely crazy.

I know I’m safe. Life is safe — as much as it is tough. I’ll probably still be here tomorrow. Just ‘getting on with life’. I actually did meet up with some friends yesterday. It made me happy, even though a lot of it is still uncomfortable.

@Diana-M how are you?
Click to expand...

@Mani did you see this recent success story? I thought of you when I saw hyperacusis in the title - in case it helps:
:)
 
Adam Coloretti (coach) said:
Damn! Maybe he's contactable in the comments? Disappointing though..
Click to expand...
Dan did really try to ask him like ‘what made you get better?’ But he just did not really seem to know what was going on himself. Without being too judgey, I was really wondering why he asked to get on in the first place lol. I still appreciate his appearance though. Its the first time hyperacusis featured on Dan’s channel. Honestly I’ve yearning for success stories less and less. I feel like i know what i need to know and i just need to put it to the test. Sometimes it feels like such a tough task but I’m also really thankful for not having pain 24/7.

Last few days I was down with a stomach whatever with just constant vomiting and my gut and bowels felt terrible. I was going crazy, one night i just did not sleep at all, like literally zero minutes. I was wondering like damn imagine if you have this 24/7 these people must be going insane. I just knew there was no excuse for me. I’m gonna kick some Tms ass
 
Mani said:
Honestly I’ve yearning for success stories less and less. I feel like i know what i need to know and i just need to put it to the test.
Click to expand...
There ya go, @Mani. This is an important sign of progress, and look how long it's taken! The truth about reality is that you really can't progress if you're stuck looking for a miracle in yet another success story.

So sorry about the gut bug, though. Ugh! 🤢
 
Mani said:
But he just did not really seem to know what was going on himself.
Click to expand...
I think this is very common with success stories. I believe that's because what we’re really doing is laying the foundations for recovery, and then at some point (we can't know or control when) the brain begins to intermittently let go — usually slowly rather than suddenly. In his case, a major part of those foundations seems to have been repeatedly reading The Mindbody Prescription and listening to it many times so the ideas could sink in more deeply, alongside continuing to live his life as fully as he could despite the symptoms. Intellectual understanding is important, but it also has to become habitual in practice and gradually feel true at a deeper level, at one's core. Looking back I can see that trying to get on with my life by taking 'baby steps' and repeatedly reading mind-body stuff on the forum and from books was how I persistently laid down the foundations for my very gradual recovery thus far from having been bedridden.
 
Last edited:
BloodMoon said:
I think this is very common with success stories. I believe that's because what we’re really doing is laying the foundations for recovery, and then at some point (we can't know or control when) the brain begins to intermittently let go — usually slowly rather than suddenly. In his case, a major part of those foundations seems to have been repeatedly reading The Mindbody Prescription and listening to it many times so the ideas could sink in more deeply, alongside continuing to live his life as fully as he could despite the symptoms. Intellectual understanding is important, but it also has to become habitual in practice and gradually feel true at a deeper level, at one's core. Looking back I can see that trying to get on with my life by taking 'baby steps' and repeatedly reading mind-body stuff on the forum and from books was how I persistently laid down the foundations for my very gradual recovery thus far from having been bedridden.
Click to expand...
I dont disagree!

I feel like its something that just clicks sometimes and youll feel it. Before my stomach issues - i have no idea whether it was partly tms - i just felt content and safe even though my symptoms were still there. Shortly thereafter i noticed i could pop pills from the tab – something which was too loud mere weeks ago. That was one of those moments where i was like: ‘yeah i might just be able to do it.’

Now – after stomach issues – im still trying to get back into that rhythm but im noticing that im not quite there yet. Its subtle differences that make it so that you either do or do not improve. Its really not easy. I seemingly didnt really do snything ‘wrong’ but i deal with sound worse and just generally am s bit more sensitive rhan before. No stress though, need to give it some time:)
 
JanAtheCPA said:
So sorry about the gut bug, though. Ugh! 🤢
Click to expand...
I’m not sure whether it was food poisoning or a bug or even just regular ol’ tms. All i know is that i was suffering! lmao. Without going into too much detail i had a light fever but no diarrhea. It came on when my parents were just about to go on a trip. Thats why i thought it was stress related but then i started vomiting and my issues remained long after they had decided upon staying home for me. All i know is that i wasnt behind the steering wheel through any of it;). It was a bit of an ego check, i finally felt like i was doing quite good and then shit happened:)

JanAtheCPA said:
There ya go, @Mani. This is an important sign of progress, and look how long it's taken! The truth about reality is that you really can't progress if you're stuck looking for a miracle in yet another success story
Click to expand...
Before i came to this forum i quickly got better. Then i had a setback and more stress and thereafter, even though i had a lot of faith and positive energy because i knew i could get better and was expecting to, i just did not get better at all. I had lost faith in exposure. I still dont really know why i didnt get better then when i did get better before. I like to think that i just didnt feel safe enough; I was exposing whilst being broken and needing more support. Throught the holidays there was tension in the house and there was some renovation going on right in front of my bedroom.

I had a lot of good reasons for losing faith. Its why i still am not a 100% sure about it all. I got better the first time and not the second time even though i did the same stuff. Why didnt i? I wouldnt know. Its just like learning a new language i guess. I had a tiny bit of improvement (the popping of the pills), and tiny improvements is all i need. It did take some time indeed, but you cant force this stuff. It happens when it happens.
 
Mani said:
Shortly thereafter i noticed i could pop pills from the tab – something which was too loud mere weeks ago. That was one of those moments where i was like: ‘yeah i might just be able to do it.’
Click to expand...
I was watching a recovery story on Raelan Agle's YouTube channel where the interviewee (someone called Jan Rothney) referred to such improvements as 'the green shoots of recovery', and that's how I think about them now. The green shoots may be tiny and then stall for a while, but they show that the foundations you are laying are starting to work as your brain is intermittently responding.
 
Mani said:
had a lot of good reasons for losing faith. Its why i still am not a 100% sure about it all.
Click to expand...

The thing I think about when you say this is there seems to be an inescapable implication that you're telling yourself that perhaps others don't have such good reasons? What if most who recover have such "good" reasons and yet they choose not to buy into them? That's closer to the truth from what I've seen. The fact that you've recovered before (in a way) is a massive advantage as it shows that you can do it - you'd have people who have been in pain for years bite your hand off at that proposition, they would look at what you've written and say - "Damn I know he's back in the pits with it, but I would kill to have that evidence that I can do it, even if I quickly return back to where I am now, it would give me so much hope as because I've never seen progress before, I really struggle to believe it's possible because I've never seen it before".
 
Adam Coloretti (coach) said:
Damn I know he's back in the pits with it, but I would kill to have that evidence that I can do it, even if I quickly return back to where I am now,
Click to expand...
Yeah this is also true. But theres also another side:

To me it has made me feel so out of control. All it proves to me is that even when im almost better, one sound can bring me back down here. Obviously the work im doing is to accept that as a fact and become stoic about it.

I couldnt get better when my mood and faith was highest and i was doing exposure, how demoralizing do you think that is?

Were all writing our own stories here. I wish i could quit this journey and start back where i used to be. We both know thats not an option ;). All i can do is try to influence my life to the best of my ability.

That means taking a shower and washing my hair like i just did. Feeling broken after, needing to rest and pick myself up again. You know all this. Its why success stories dont actually matter. All they could do is give a false sense of confidence. Were on our own here. Aint nobody gonna save us
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top