Stressors, affection drought. how to remain sane?

[Mani]

Fight with dad, mum is cold and distant as always. Feeling lonely and pissed. Heart palpitations started yesterday after being away for months.

I cant talk to anybody else. I cant meet anybody else. This is it. I’m gonna have to make do with these people for the time being. How do i deal with stressors like this? Being mad, having no one else to turn to.

I’m pissed. I miss my friends and i need a girlfriend. But cant talk so yeah…..

I tried to keep it short. Looking for thoughts. Thanks

Ps: I wanted to add. Yesterday i was telling myself i can do without affection and attention. But its a lie. Ive been telling myself these things since i was so young. It just leads to more repressed emotions. Ok i do need affection, I’m human, now what?

 

[Diana-M]

You need affection, @Mani and you deserve it. Somehow there’s got to be a way out for you. It does look really hard. But surely it’s not hopeless.

 

[Rabscuttle]

Unfortunately you are in a bit of a tough spot, and I’ll be honest there probably isn’t some insta overnight fix. Your parents are probably going to stay the same for the duration of their lives. Most people after a certain point don’t change much, although they can. We kinda just have to accept who and what they are and work our lives around that especially if we live with them (which both of us do)

yes it’s totally normal to want affection, companionship intimacy, yes you can and should feel and express these frustrations. But if it’s turning to constant craving in a situation that you can’t instantly change then you are just going to get very frustrated and depressed. Feel and process this shit and then turn to something that brings joy, a book, a game, a hobby, fun exercises, challenges (how long can you hold your breath, or learning how to handstand etc etc)

maybe while you’re working through all this and the talking issue you can pick up sign language and meet people that way? Just a thought. Plus it’s another way to occupy your time. It’s an idea I had when I was really dealing with speaking issues.

you are 100% justified in feeling the way you do but if its becoming perpetual then changes need to be made. It’s okay to have down moments, sometimes they may even last a while, but there are always chances to pick yourself back up. Every second is a new chance to push back against a thought or to be compassionate.

 

[BloodMoon]

Somehow there’s got to be a way out for you.

@Mani, if you’ve mainly been doing “top down” stuff like journaling, maybe it’s worth trying some “bottom up” techniques too. @Diana says havening has been helping her a lot — it’s slow, comforting, calming, soothing self-touch. Great for the brain and nervous system. It’s not the same as being with people you care about, but it might still help a bit, maybe even a lot.

I also liked @Rascuttle’s idea about learning sign language. Sometimes thinking outside the box can open a path you didn’t choose, but one that could still change things for the better.

 

[Zender]

When the place that's supposed to make you feel safe becomes filled with such negativity it can be such a challenge to still have hope. Especially if you feel you're trapped, which makes it even more difficult to let a conflict fade out because you're always near each other. Maybe not communicating is the right thing to do for some time, at least that way you know there aren't going to be new conflicts, but at the same time it's important that it's only temporary because they're still your parents and there's nothing more isolating than feeling like they no longer care about you.

 

[Mani]

Welcome to the forum, @Zender

Thanks to everyone for their contributions. Sign language and going out is really not a bad idea but im still way too sensitive for that. At home with captions learning sign language could work I guess… Still trying to find a positive space by myself, knowing I’m safe obviously. I repeat that Buglio adage a lot. ‘Just live life’, it sounds so much easier than it actually is, but i used to cling to loud sounds and in part it was me giving them strength. I can get better, as other people have before me.

Ironically, my quality of life would drastically increase if i were deaf. Theres nothing I can do right now that i wouldnt be able to do deaf except for some stupid whispering.

I suppose its a nice goal to set. Luckily i still have friends. They’ll be able to meet up when I’m ready. To make new friends is gonna take a while. Obviously improvements can happen suddenly, but its a slow slow place. I’m thankful im doing so much better than i was 6 months ago, but it is taking a loooot longer than i wouldve wanted. I’m submitting to it though, not much else i can do.

Sometimes i hope that stuff just suddenly clicks and goes away, but its unlikely to say the least.

I have such a huge time surplus. Imagine what i wouldve been able to do in that time if i could actually go somewhere, absolutely crazy.

I know I’m safe. Life is safe — as much as it is tough. I’ll probably still be here tomorrow. Just ‘getting on with life’. I actually did meet up with some friends yesterday. It made me happy, even though a lot of it is still uncomfortable.

@Diana-M how are you?

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

Welcome to the forum, @Zender

Thanks to everyone for their contributions. Sign language and going out is really not a bad idea but im still way too sensitive for that. At home with captions learning sign language could work I guess… Still trying to find a positive space by myself, knowing I’m safe obviously. I repeat that Buglio adage a lot. ‘Just live life’, it sounds so much easier than it actually is, but i used to cling to loud sounds and in part it was me giving them strength. I can get better, as other people have before me.

Ironically, my quality of life would drastically increase if i were deaf. Theres nothing I can do right now that i wouldnt be able to do deaf except for some stupid whispering.

I suppose its a nice goal to set. Luckily i still have friends. They’ll be able to meet up when I’m ready. To make new friends is gonna take a while. Obviously improvements can happen suddenly, but its a slow slow place. I’m thankful im doing so much better than i was 6 months ago, but it is taking a loooot longer than i wouldve wanted. I’m submitting to it though, not much else i can do.

Sometimes i hope that stuff just suddenly clicks and goes away, but its unlikely to say the least.

I have such a huge time surplus. Imagine what i wouldve been able to do in that time if i could actually go somewhere, absolutely crazy.

I know I’m safe. Life is safe — as much as it is tough. I’ll probably still be here tomorrow. Just ‘getting on with life’. I actually did meet up with some friends yesterday. It made me happy, even though a lot of it is still uncomfortable.

@Diana-M how are you?

@Mani did you see this recent success story? I thought of you when I saw hyperacusis in the title - in case it helps:

 

[Mani]

@Mani did you see this recent success story? I thought of you when I saw hyperacusis in the title - in case it helps:

I did! I was disappointed that he didnt really talk about the hyperacusis specifically. He also did not really say what made him improve.