Write a short post about the level of acceptance you have of the TMS diagnosis, and of any doubts or worries you may have at this point. I've been on this chronic pain journey since January of this year 2018 with appparent pudendal neurlagia, but it all really started in about January 2016 with chronic upper back and neck pain that had me at the physio twice a week until this neuralgia started two years later. When the neuralgia calms down, the neck pain starts up and vice versa. And I am so very very angry at myself and my brain right now. I am raging. Do I accept the diagnosis? Yes, no, I don't know. I did a few months back when I started studying neuroplasticity and chronic pain. I also read Dr Sarno's book which made me very uncomfortable at the time because it just seemed so simple, but I was all ready to give it a go and get rid of the pain. I was going to beat it, not the other way round. I could do it! So, the doubts and worries I have right now is that after religiously applying the neuroplasticity exercises and mindfulness meditations and accepting that all of it has been created by my brain...and seeing myself get better enough to get off the meds for neuropathic pain - and having 42 almost pain-free days - I am RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED and in even more pain and spitting angry. I am just so full of rage right now because it's come back and because now I'm starting to doubt it all and I don't know if I will ever get better. I'm scared that this will never go away and I'm sad that I might not get to see my children grow up. I'm also angry at the unfairness of it all. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't I just get on with my life now that I have met a lovely man and have a wonderful future to look forward to? I've been through so much in the last 12 years (divorce, the uncertainty of bringing up two young children in a country that is not my own, a 5-year relationship with a very challenging person after my divorce and then another one with a lovely man who just couldn't commit after 2 years and who ran off with someone he'd just met). I feel like I've done the work - I feel like I'm always doing the work - to be strong and responsible and to get over whatever has been thrown at me and to come out fighting. Now, I'm tired. So, I doubt. What would a life without TMS mean to you? It would mean happiness. It would mean finally having what I've always wanted and can now have if I can just make this pain go away so that I can get on with my life. And, to be completely honest (and in keeping with the whole idea behind TMS), it would also mean having to deal with certain things I'm afraid of that I don't worry about anymore becasue all my time is taken up with this pain.