So frustrated, knee pain

My knee is killing me today. I am walking around like someone who is 100 years old. I beat down the nausea, sacral pain, neck pain and now this. I injured this knee about 1 1/2 years ago -meniscus tear and acl tear but I went to physical therapy for many months and then it was fine. I have been walking, going to yoga, all fine until today. This is a tough week for me. My youngest will leave for college. My oldest will graduate this year, has a job, will most likely never live with me again. The empty nest. I made a huge mistake in a very important relationship.
This knee pain is so TMS. So sneaky. It finds your most vulnerable spot. How do I get out of this? I put some special homemade Chinese liniment and a heat pad. Dr. Sarno says it's lack of blood supply to the area. I hope this helps. Just venting. Thank you for listening.

 

Hi, angelic. No wonder you're having a rough week. The empty nest thoughts and the relationship "mistake" are giving you pain.
Think positive... how great it will be for your youngest to go off to college. It will be a wonderful adventure for him/her.
Your oldest will be graduating from college and already has a job, in these tight-job days. So many "kids" move away after
they graduate and find a good job somewhere else. Be glad for him/her, too. They won't stop loving you, or you them.

Let them fly from the nest. It's the thing kids do.

 

Thank you Walt. Thing is, my oldest will be moving away for this job, once he leaves for school this year, that's it. It's even harder than sending the younger boy off. I know that for four more years I will be his home base. This is selfish of me. I am so proud of their accomplishments. Trying to transform the thoughts to those of joy. I am a single parent . This sucks for me. And the knee is hurting so much and is so unstable. Because I am unstable. I feel sad. I feel guilty. I just finished my journaling for today. And called a therapist highly recommended by a like minded friend. She suffers from HTN that is attributed to the likes of TMS.
My children are leaving. I lost my soulmate. I will be alone. I am grateful for the support I receive here. I hope to give as much or more in return.
Namaste. God bless. Angel,,,,

 

So sorry for your pain! I think I understand a little bit. My two children are getting older 7th and 10th grade and I'm a stay at home mom. They start back to school in 2 weeks, and I'm already dreading it! I will miss them so much...I can only imagine how I will feel when they are in college. I keep telling myself that I am raising them to be adults (and not need me) so this is actually a good thing! We could probably both benefit from finding something we enjoy doing...it's hard after being so invested in your kids for so long! Wishing you the best!

 

Thanks. I have been much better physically and emotionally past two days.
Enjoy everyday with your precious children. The time goes by so quickly.
Blessings, Angel

 

I'm the eldest, but my little sister is more stubborn than I. So stubborn in fact, that she just up an left one night when she disagreed with somethings my parents had said. (She was about 19 years old).

She's 26 now and has come back to the family. My parents and her relationship has been healed. Time heals things. Just give your eldest space and love, and he will come back.

In the meantime, have you done anything for you? Just you? I know your kids are important to you, but are you important to you? Take a class or visit friends, do something you like. Cultivate your interests and you'll be less lonely. If you're less lonely, you'll find it easier to be happy for them.

 

Oh Angel, I'm right in the thick of it with you. We moved my eldest 1,800 miles away for a job. My baby girl got married. My youngest is nearly 17 and we're looking at college options for him. All within a few short months.

You are not alone! I hope you can find some things to nourish your soul and with a few good belly laughs thrown in here and there. (I watched a funny movie last night because I've been fighting off a nasty TMS headache.)

The TMS storm with your knee will pass. One moment you're going to realize, "Hey! It's not hurting!"

Sending you a hug...

 

To North Star and waterbear,
Thanks you guys.
Just thanks. Treated myself to a fabulous dinner while my son went off with his father. I never did that before. I went to a nice restaurant BY MYSELF.
At first I thought, ok, room service, then, NO, go out for a great meal. Amazing how enjoyable that is when you do it alone.
Tomorrow we move him in and leave him here. Oy.
I appreciate the hugs and understanding.

 

Good for you, Angel! Your fabulous dinner out was just the first of many new happy and wonder-ful new events in your life.
I know for me, when I start getting blue over empty nest, I get excited thinking about all the new options that will be opening up. (Like uninterrupted time to THINK! lol) And joking aside, I suspect my TMS will really be silenced when all my kids have moved out.
Parenting is an intense phase of life and while we never stop being a parent, the shift of responsibility is certainly freeing.

 

Not knowing firsthand about how it is to be a parent, I do think it would be a great thing to
have more time for yourself (and for others) when the nest has emptied.
Be excited for your kids, that they are flying into wonderful adventures and learning to be
good and responsible, loving adults.

 

That's all great stuff guys. Trying to be positive, but right now this sucks. I'm at the airport , going home, and I am a mess emotionally and physically. As much as I wanted to enjoy the campus today, it was a lot of walking with 5+ pain in my sacrum and knee and 90 degrees and humid. When my ex and I said good bye to Dan I was of course crying and he was telling me not to make Dan feel guilty and be worrying about his mother.
It was a rough two days. Now going home to send my older son off on saturday .
I have known for months that this week would be difficult. As much as I prepared, here it is, I know I have to get through it, feel it, come out on the other side.

 

Oh, Angel….you ARE getting through it! And kudos to you for getting through it! Your ex sounds like he's working on a case of TMS by telling you "not to make Dan feel guilty".

Gentle hugs to you,
NS

 

Hi Angel,
I agrée with north star. I don't see how expressing your emotions to your child leaving home is going to make him feel guilty. Don't pay any attention to that because the only way to make it through to the other side is to feel your feelings. And you're doing it.

You're in my thoughts are prayers.

 

Knee is so painful again. Trying to get past it. This knee was fine for over a year. This is not physical. This is emotional, psychological. I keep telling my knee it's fine.
And the sacrum, too. It's nothing.
I dread being alone.
I know this.
Why isn't it enough to just know it?

 

Hi Angel,

I don't know myself why the awareness isn't enough. I struggle with that too. And so down the rabbit hole I go for more unexplored land.

Have you explored why you dread being alone? What exactly does that represent to you? I ask this question because what I'm finding that the tms work is that when I say something to myself like "having a mentally ill mom is painful" is a very generic statement that holds so much stuff (memories from the past, current stressors) and all of it gets thrown into the same basket. I'm finding that figuring out very specifically what is bothering me is how I can bring a pain episode to an end (but then it just comes back with something else, but, oh well).

 

It's like this. I have loneliness issues since childhood. My mom was most likely DEPRESSED when I was a child, for reasons I won't go into right now, and so I fear being alone because I felt alone always. And now, for the first time I can recall, I will be truly alone as I am apart from my spouse and children. That is evoking a a primal fear in me I have an appt with a highly recommended therapist next week. Both my children will be away. It's messed up that I rely on their presence for my own comfort. My body aches. This is a most difficult time. Top it off, I lost my soulmate. I screwed it up. I am my own worst enemy. I feel myself in a downward spiral where I have been before. So scared to be depressed again. Also so tired of hearing myself complain. Yikes

 

Angelic, we all make mistakes...even BIG ones. This is a SEASON in your life. You will get through this, you are not alone! You may feel alone, but I believe your children need you (even miles away). I hope you can make the choice and dig deep to find that strength inside of you to BE STRONG. How does the saying go..."this too shall pass." I know it is hard to see...but one day, you will be able to share your story of this time of loneliness...and how you CONQUERED! Then you will help others.

PS. I have two close friends who are suffering this week in a very similar way. They have sent their babies off to college! You are in good company with (I can only imagine) thousands of other moms right now.

 

Oh, Angel, I feel for you...I wish you had had a loving, attentive mom, who made you feel special and loved. You deserved that - we all did!

SSG is absolutely right. You will find your way out of this; you have experience now, you have wisdom and you have resources. It's just a matter of time before you figure out your truth in this particular situation. When my pain is at its worst and I'm suffering badly from my abandoment issues, I tell myself that this means the breakthrough is just around the corner. But I know it's not easy to be in that space. I totally get that.

And when you say you feel afraid of being depressed again or when you criticize yourself for "complaining" could it be your inner critic doing its thing? If that's the case, I've found writing letters to my inner critic really helpful (as suggested in the Alan Gordon program). It helped me see just how much pain it is causing me and everything I lose (peace of mind, confidence, optimism) whenever I listen to it.