Small injury, big reaction

Hello Lovelies!

Can you talk me down here? I’ve done a right number on myself! The scene: walking through the park a month ago, and a dog was chasing a ball and ran into the back of my leg. The owner called out to warn me and I braced, so it just bounced off my calf - it wasn’t a huge dog, below my knee height - and though it was a shock, it wasn’t painful - no bruise, not even red. I brushed off the mud with a few choice words and carried on my walk for an hour.

The very first thing I said to myself was: ‘Now don’t you go and TMS this!’ But I did. So now I’m fancying that the leg feels ‘odd’ - pins and needles, numbness (except not really, I can feel a pinch), a ‘crawling’ feeling, a certain ‘heaviness'… It looks and feels to the touch just like the other - no pain, no heat, no lump - just 1cm bigger in circumference, which I understand can be normal… It performs like the other - I’ve been walking an hour or two every day as normal. I can ignore it or forget it when I’m distracted or in a good mood… at other times, I obsess that I’m getting lymphoedema or a DVT… So it’s classic, isn’t it?

Further factors: I was walking with my husband, who gets anxious at these things, so I suppressed my reaction… it was during a stressful time… and, though I grew up with working dogs in the countryside and am no stranger to a bit of doggy roughhousing, I have a prejudice against jumpy, badly-trained dogs (or rather, their owners) in parks…

I mean… even if it HAD bruised or cut it or whatever, surely it would be healed after a month?! I have no other factors for DVT, I believe - under 60, non smoker, not overweight, active, though I did have a couple of armpit nodes removed for breast cancer five years ago, don’t know if that would make a difference... I haven't attempted to see a doctor for it (I'm in the UK, it's difficult these days...). I say all these things to convince me, but they don't stick...

Has anyone else had this? A minor bump that gets TMSed out of aaall proportion into a Big Bloody Thing? I’ve tried journalling it out, talking kindly to myself, kicking my own arse… Any ideas, even if it’s just affirmation that yeah, we can totally do this to ourselves?

Thanks in advance. I'm hope you're all in smashing mental and physical health and not being a big idiot like me...

Love Cariad

 

@Cariad
I love the name you chose to use!
Of COURSE you can simply bump yourself and get some tms symptoms. People sneeze, turn, eat a grape, look at some letters on a page and all kinds of other things and begin reporting symptoms on this forum.
You can get it checked out, get yourself on a wait list and do as you are doing - the TMS work. "I was walking with my husband, who gets anxious at these things, so I suppressed my reaction… it was during a stressful time" - goodness, I find myself constantly repressing my reactions to things when my husband shows some sort of stress when I am involved. He clenches his hands or rolls his eyes or whatever it is and I automatically don't want to deal with his reaction to me or his "stress" because then of course it all comes down to conditional love...which I KNOW is not true, but my silly brain keeps on going there every single time because I was conditioned to think this way. Consider that this is not the only time you've been "suppressing your reaction" which we all really know as feeling your feelings because you don't need to react to feel them - you can do it quietly and silently - have you felt the internal need to pussyfoot around his anxiety in other areas in life, especially during this stressful time?
Lightly further exploring all of those feelings, and checking on your internal self might be worth while. You've also tried some other TMS tactics like being kind. What about relaxation and time to yourself for self care, especially during a stressful time. What about simply ignoring the sensations? Considering you've measured the leg - you have some sort of mental obsession with it right now. That is TMS. What about making fun of your thoughts - showing your brain that they are not true. Instead of calling it lymphoedema why not say "come on lumpy leg, let's move!".
I've been reading a lot about this "distraction" what is the distraction really? It is distracting you from joy, feeling free, happy, enjoying life...and by doing just that you show it who's boss. Give it a nickname (or MANY, keep poking fun in a funny way). I get the "creepy crawlies" and of course it's "ants in my pants" and we often call my pain a banana (for absolutely no reason other than that it's silly.
Give it a few days to sink in, give yourself time and kindness at mindfully re-directing your thoughts when they begin to head down the rabbit hole!

 

Wow, thanks, dear @Cactusflower and @JanAtheCPA ! I was really lifted by your posts!

You're both right, of course - it makes the utmost sense to get it checked anyway. I tried this morning and there were no appointments left, but I'll try again tomorrow (that's how the system goes, there's no waiting list, everyone just phones in the morning and fights for the slots like The Hunger Games...). Just committing to doing it already lifts some of the pressure though - not the endless 'should I call, shouldn't I?' So thanks for that, really helpful.

And it's interesting, @Cactusflower , that you picked up on the 'suppressing my emotions' thing, because that that's been on my mind lately... I recognise what you say about 'picking up on the signals' - the rolled eyes, the clenched hands, the 'all day not happy face' in my husband's case! I've long suspected he's on the Asperger's spectrum - fiercely intelligent but emotionally illiterate and very anxious - and though I can have some sympathy for that, I have resented the need to walk on eggshells, to manage his emotions as well as my own, and anxiety can be used as a form of control. It means I go through life unsupported and it makes everything harder than it needs to be.

We've been married for 34 years so I should be used to it by now, but I think going through meno and overcoming breast cancer and general growing up in the last few years has shortened my patience with it! Once the oestrogen's gone, who gives a shiny shhii-illing for teh menz anyway, and life's too short to pussyfoot around! So I'm exploring, quietly, what this means going forward for me...

But then you add another thing that I think is very important - humour! I've always dearly loved a laugh and looked for the fun in life, and I think this is a powerful tool to use in TMS recovery! So I shall laugh at my creepy crawly banana leg and its lame attempts to gain my attention... thanks for reminding me of this!

I accept it may take a few days to turn around because I've been psyching myself with this for a month... but I'm heading in the right direction now! Big hugs to you both for your kindness and wisdom!

 

“I have resented the need to walk on eggshells, to manage his emotions as well as my own, and anxiety can be used as a form of control. It means I go through life unsupported and it makes everything harder than it needs to be.

We've been married for 34 years so I should be used to it by now”

can you give yourself permission not to deal so much with his anxiety? To talk to him and let him know what goes on with you and that you need to set boundaries for yourself. It will be super hard for him, he’s probably become dependent on your management, but perhaps he doesn’t have to be so much. I get you about being married a long time and then finally realizing how things “work”. I had no idea I respond to my husband the same way I was trained to ‘manage’ my mom’s emotions.

 

Hello again! I just dug this out to see when this knee thing all started... and shocked to see it's been so long.

I wish I could say I'm better... but I've really been struggling with it lately... I finally got the doctor to check it in March 2024 - she couldn't find anything but said she'd refer for an ultrasound. This referral got refused because I had to see a physio first. So she sent me there in July this year. The physio checked my range, good, my strength, good... examined it several times, couldn't feel anything abnormal... I diligently did the exercises for three months... if anything, it got worse. Pins and needles, numbness, a 'crawling' sensation and a feeling of fullness and pain around the back of the knee (and radiating out more with the physio).

So the physio made vague noises about 'sometimes it can be stress or anxiety' and signed me off, though I can still go back in the next three months if I want to (I don't want to).

I thought the discussion about 'stress and anxiety' was positive, a confirmation that yes, it's TMS... I was feeling gung-ho that I could nail it this time... But it's worse! I stopped doing the exercises in case that was aggravating it... It's still worse! Whyyy?! Am I going bonkers?! I know it's TMS! I'm a believer! But this damn thing is waking me in the night with pain and consuming my thoughts by day...

Anyway, I'm going to re-read my Sarno and Steve O. I know you will understand. And you may just have an insight. I'm without broadband at the moment, but able to check in once every 24 hours. Anon, my friends...

 

Why? because for most (all) of us just knowing consciously that it is TMS, especially after you had been chasing the physical, is not enough.
You were upset, frightened, stressed - and that activated the nervous system.
Doing the work Sarno outlines for us begins to calm the nervous system. Begins.
But “thinking” your way out never works. Actively engaging in the work does.
Read some of the recent threads on this forum, check out the Structured Educational Program and actively engage in your healing journey. So many valuable insights to gain that are useful for life.

Increases in anxiety and symptoms are common, but it’s all temporary.
You’ll get there with patience and kindness.

 

When you read Sarno, you might want to read in HBP where he stresses that WHAT happened when the symptom occurred has little to zero to do with the the symptom. The Mental and emotional state you were in when it happened is everything and the perceived 'accident' was just the mindbody's chance to latch on to a good distraction.

Sarno said he couldn't distinguish via symptoms whether the person was lifting a refrigerator or bending over to brush their teeth.

and I would Imagine it has a lot to do with your relationship with your husband AND your breast cancer scare and your age and Maybe a lot of other stuff your not even aware of yet. One thing I got mad about just reading your post was the crappy healthcare system the UK has. All my dumb friends here talk about it like it's the bees knees...but everybody who posts here from UK seems to have to wait forever to see a Doctor.....it's almost like they hope you'll just give up????
The medical system was a Huge part of my anger reservoir when I finally read Sarno.

Anger which , according to Sarno, make your symptoms worse, not better. And I remember getting worse every time I saw a dr.

hope you get this...it's simple but not easy.

peace

 

Hi, @Cariad,

One thing I noticed a lot of on the forum lately: people are surprised they can’t get their TMS to go away fast like they have in the past. (Myself included.) It’s because it gets harder. You have to dig deeper and do a lot more work. You also have to soothe your nervous system. Especially if you’ve been hypersensitive for a long while.

If the dog didn’t crash into you, your TMS
brain would have picked something else to launch your TMS with. It was time. Your rage bucket was full.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this! It’s scary! But, you can get better! Here’s a fantastic Dan Buglio interview that addresses the changes necessary for healing. It’s really good! This guy is a member of this forum. He has some different symptoms— plus leg issues. But his strategies are excellent. He healed!!! Hope it helps!

 

Nope, I ate a seedless red grape (just one) with my lunch at work that caused my stomach discomfort , and the guy on the forum was talkin' about a whole bunch of green grapes for breakfast (with tea--I did not have tea). So completely different. And, I felt the AAA swelling immediately--obvious it's an abdominal aortic aneurysm.

As for looking at letters on a page and sneezing, I actually held back the sneeze and I was looking at a crossword puzzle on a Kindle (not just letters and on a digital device). So, again, completely different. I'm sure that's a detached retina.

If I can find someone else who confirmed a TMS diagnosis after being stressed out with migraines because they couldn't read the WebMD page on aortic aneurysms because their retina is detached -- then I'll have a shot. But, it's nowhere in the Sarno books and Buglio, Sachs, Schechter -- none of them are talking about this. Must be rare.

 

Hello my lovely super-darlings! Sorry for the silence - we had a big storm here that blew out the comms!

But your helpful, wise, insightful and compassionate posts have helped me SOOOO much! @Cactusflower , your observation that I was upset and frightened made me tear up a little because it was an acknowledgment of how I felt - and trying to suppress and deny those feelings was clearly what made it worse! I felt very 'seen' and it released something... thank you. ❤️

And @Baseball65 , you are absolutely right about the broken healthcare system being a source of intense anger, for me and most people in the UK! Just getting the basic check that could dispel fear is delayed, giving the doubt time to creep in... The 'fridge/toothbrush' analogy was good too!

@Diana-M again, the rage bucket analogy - it surely was running over... hypersensitivity making everything feel like an existential threat... so clear, but it sometimes needs someone outside to point it out. I'd been trying to be a little trouper about all my issues, and it was just keeping them inside to fester... Now I have broadband I will check out that video, thank you.

@Bonnard you made me laugh - and that's half the battle for us, I think! To remember that there's a light side, that's there's an element of choice over our attitudes, and what input we let in!

As it was, I actually saw the dog again last week after 18 months of never seeing it - got a small, visceral reaction to it - then, as it went trotting past, I told it 'Well you can naff off, you big hairy dollop'... The doggo didn't understand, the owner didn't hear, but I got a chuckle out of it.

It has helped. Honestly, you have all really helped. I'm feeling sooo much better! Massive reduction in symptoms in such a short time, confirms it's TMS! And not impatient for it to fade completely either, it's going, I'm cool with that - it's 18 months of depriving my nerves of oxygen, they'll take a little time, Vic B and getting cheerily on with life. Acknowledging what a rotten time I went through for a few years, and having that acknowledged here by understanding people, is allowing me to process and move on...

Thank you, thank you, I love you all madly, you lovely buggers!

 

❤️ so glad to hear it! You’re on your way.