Sickness gives me TMS, and rage - rant...

[Hedger]

Been a while since I posted. I´m in general doing really well - like 90% better still. Happy in core state.

But again now it has been weeks and weeks of sickness in my 3 year old and baby, and wife and myself. We get well for a few days and then the next fucking virus or stomach flue or whatever is brought home from pre-school. Its insane. I have talked to a variety of teachers and other parents, and its not just us. Its crazy much this winter/spring and long lived viruses that have you ill for 1-2weeks and then the next and the next.

And what happens is that my 3 year old just coughs and cries during night, leaving me with little and fragmented sleep for weeks. And then I´m not fully well myself on top of that due to various cold viruses. It´s like a fucking interrogation torture!! Give me something to confess and ill fucking do it just to be left alone and get a week of sleep and rest. And then you have to work (at least remote), can't be absent all the time... What the fuck kind of life is this?!!!! I´m at the breaking point... I currently hate my life! (even though I know it will pass once we are healthy again).

And it brings back my back, hip and neck pain now because it has been for so long. I´m probably extremely angry at my wife and both kids for being sick and having so much demands on me as a result, and the world in general for creating all these sicknesses. And work for having to go there while this is happening.

When becoming a parent I knew it is a serious challenge in addition to the love, but not in all my life did I imagine this much fucking sickness constantly Nov-May. Its (again) INSANE. And how it sucks the life energy out of you... FUUUUCK

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Nice Rant! Hope things are better soon, and my how good it is you know where your symptoms are coming from...

 

[Baseball65]

Wow... I just wrote a whole Rant back to you and it disappeared? MaYBE God didn't want me saying that evil chite out loud??

But... MEN WERE NOT EVOLVED TO BE caretakers. There. I said it. For hundreds of thousands of years we were bred and evolved to win wars, farm, hunt, build lodging and protect our families. Women (I am a biologist and know what a womPen is) watched kids while we went out and DIED. ..or at least were willing to.

Now...some Victorian Christmas card got stuck in our collective unconscious and not only are we STILL supposed to voluntarily die when asked, but we are also supposed to do our 'share' in child rearing. I can't think of a more rage inducing truth of contradictions. Mike Brady works while his wife stays home (with a maid), and still has the energy to counsel, play football with his kids and be the sage center of the family.(Btw..the real Mike was Gay and had no kids that I know about. Lucky bastard)

Now the good news. 3 is like the worst age... they can't really do anything yet except complain. As soon as they turn 4-5 they stop being an 'infant' and become a 'person', so your sacrifice will be rewarded by having this little person in your life, not just a needy crying, bring-home-colds-and-flus MONSTER! Someone to hang out with aND play with.

It does get better, but to fend off the TMS there is nothing better than remembering that the whole co-parenting thing is a LIE foisted upon us by our feminized society... I did it.. I went along with the lie. Some people have even accused me of being a 'good' father...whatever that means, BUT I knew in my heart of hearts that I'd rather be digging a hole, stacking lumber or carrying bricks..something I was evolved for.

But don't worry. If there is a war, you and I will both be relieved of baby sitting duty.

 

[Balsa11]

In my case, if my dad hadn't chosen to raise me I would have been in a worse situation. Many kids thrive best in a stable two parent household but when one parent is toxic the other parent (mom or dad) is even more important in the child's early development according to attachment theory and epigenetics etc. A secure attachment can protect against stressors.

We can take better care of ourselves since we want to be there for the people we care about. Maybe it's time to get more sleep or get some time off work?

 

[Hedger]

MEN WERE NOT EVOLVED TO BE caretakers

I have had another nightmare period and went back and read this. I have been home a period again for 5 months with two kids <4 years. They have been sick more or less the whole time (winter, cold). Oldest go a few days at pre-school then brings home some new shit for them both. I have also been sick more than 50% of the weeks these 5 months, while my wife (she's been working) only maybe 25 %. I seriously start to think that part of "not evolved to be caretakers" is also the male immune system. I get sick from respiratory viruses much more easily than my wife when our kids are sick. I´m not fucking meant to stay home during the winter (cold country) and catch every fucking virus. I´m going insane. I have had no life since October.

membering that the whole co-parenting thing is a LIE foisted upon us by our feminized society.

I think I´m starting to agree with you. At least for <4 years (toddlers). While I´m considering myself a fantastic parent, it makes me fucking furious to be it when on parental leave and its all the time about children. And they are always fucking sick and monsters. Maybe others handle it by being less of a good parent... But I won't. The 3.5 year old is starting to be much easier and fun to take care of.

Also, this feminized society hinders the women from being in their true feminine. My Wife is so focused at being a great worker, advance her career, being a great friend, being in good shape, being a good parent etc that she is often irritated due to stress and often in a masculine manner (since that is what gets ahead at work). There is no fucking time to be all those things at the same time. I want her to be feminine, for both our sakes. And I think people would be more happy accepting how different male and females are and start cherish each other for it, not trying to fucking be the same when we are clearly not.

 

[Baseball65]

There is no fucking time to be all those things at the same time.

Yep. I will refrain from too much uncomfortable truth on the board (you can always message me)

now I am in my fifties. I am divorced and single...really single. No partner or live-in psycho to keep me from what I want to do. Obviously I also have very little to NO Tms.

The gal I do hang out with sometimes (maybe 1 day a week?) Is a MBA with teaching certs and bought the 'be a career woman' hook line and sinker. And she is FURIOUS at the world because she never had kids (she's my age..mid fifties)
She is educated, Beautiful, talented and lonely.
Her MBA is useless for what she does for a living. I have found from paying close attention that she is very common

I work with and hang out with my adult sons all of the time... virtually every day. Odd though, Their Mom who was trying to be Mrs. Everything in their childhood isn't one of their favorite people to hang with... go figure?

I learn new stuff all of the time. But for the time being , my acknowledging that we live in a Misandrystic society has served me well as far as making decisions about what to do with money, time etc. The 'Big Lie' is sort of unraveling as our world goes with it.

 

[Cactusflower]

And me, I get supper pissed off when someone tells me what feminine is, or is supposed to look like (or blames things like feminism). It’s not feminism - that’s an excuse for just being pissed off and stuck in a rigid thought pattern that stuff you can’t control is controlling you. I don’t like being pigeonholed (or pigeonholing yourself) into anything that is not your true self - that is what creates tms.. worrying about what others think and blaming all your angst on external stuff.

 

[Hedger]

I get super pissed off when someone tells me what feminine is,

Feminine is a word that have a definition, does that piss you off?! From Wikipedia: "Having the qualities stereotypically associated with women: nurturing, not aggressive."
There are women with more masculine traits and men with more feminine traits - and that is fine. Feminine is just a word to help a discussion of behavior, it does not mean all women have to be it.

But OK, I can withdraw that generalized part and instead just state what my preference is in my wife's behavior if that makes more sense. Everyone is free to be however they want, but I am not forced to like it romantically. I am free to have my preferences.

When my wife is in her "work mode" also at home (which I referred to as masculine behavior here) she is much more aggressive, direct, managing, hard, tough etc. She seldom laughs when in this mode. She's seldom in the mood for intimacy or sex when its like that. She is often more irritated. There is more conflict with the children. You might argue that this is not "being in her masculine" but instead just being stressed and overwhelmed. But in the mean time I can actually act direct, tough etc more naturally and simultaneously be close to laughter and in the mood for romance. From this I draw the conclusion that it is not actually as natural for my wife to "be in her masculine" as it is for me. She seems more relaxed and happy when circumstance allow for her to be more feminine.

I am much more happy when my wife is soft in tone and manners, more nurturing. I still listens to her and respect her wishes as she mutually does to me. However, I think that in the work environment often people just run all over you if you are a soft, nurturing women, especially in managing positions - hence this more "masculine" behavior emerge. Because nowadays both parents are supposed to work in my country to be able to survive and thrive (unless you are really rich) - something I don't think is good for a family with kids! We do have very generous parental leave but I´m starting to think it is not enough regardless. Again, this is just my speculation.

 

[Hedger]

And she is FURIOUS at the world because she never had kids (she's my age..mid fifties)

I can imagine.

Misandrystic society

Since doing the TMS work a few years back I have become much more "masculine" in my manners. I recognize that my parents made me more feminine than natural for me as a kid (much influence from my mother who is a very leftish feminist, and narcissistic). I did not speak my truth and was angry a lot.
Now I feel stronger, have better relationships at work and friends. Get more respect from females etc.
Before I had much more angry outbursts etc. Weak behavior...
My ex girlfriend ran all over me, and surely did not respect me much. Again, weak behavior on my part was a big contributor.
Now I would classify the interactions with my current wife as a healthy dynamic with mutual respect. What a difference! I just wish she would be relaxed enough to be in her feminine more often.