I would really like to be angry if it means that I would have less pain. I know it sounds selfish & lacking in compassion but there I've said it.
I love yr posts Lily Rose & I admire you. You are so gracious, so forgiving, so compassionate & come across as being so caring.
I think I am to a certain degree a caring compassionate person especially with my family & people I know & old people (which probably comes from living with my grandfather for 10 years) but when people talk about universal love & this connection that we all have for each other etc etc. I honestly don't feel it. My friends often tease me & say I have more feelings for animals than human beings which is also true. I will rescue, feed, get dirty go out of my way, pretty much do anything for animals but I can be intolerant & critical of people.
On the other hand I will never intentionally hurt anyone either. I try to treat people with respect & dignity, pretty much how I expect to be treated.
So I wonder when is it OK to be angry & express it?
Mala
This post evoked a warm, soft laugh. It was so bluntly honest, and I do so much appreciate Truth, whatever that truth may be.
I think there is a blurring of concepts between experiencing anger, and acting
with anger. Feeling anger is normal. Suppressing/repressing anger is unhealthy. Expressing anger in the
heat of the moment, and speaking rashly ..... this is to be avoided.
Being angry does not mean it is necessary to lash out and speak with words that cannot be unspoken. That creates a negative cycle.
Four years ago, my beautiful mother suffered a brain aneurysm. At that time, we were barely on speaking terms. She was drinking heavily, and spewing things that bewildered me. Watching over her in the hospital as she fought for life, I had to examine my own thoughts. Because she had hurt me, I had written her off. Because she
drank, I had written her off. She made a miraculous recovery, literally. After two weeks, she was released, and I spent the next three weeks with her at her home, where her mother was also in residence. I had deep abhorrence towards my maternal grandmother, and my initial response was to flee from any and all conflict. But I could not leave my mother. I was civil. It was the best I could do. One afternoon, we were playing dominoes, and my grandmother made a careless comment about my beloved dad (my mom's 2nd husband, my soul-dad) and his suicide (when I was twelve). My mother responded absently. Calmly, I left the room, but I was shaking badly, and planning my immediate departure. I stood in the kitchen clutching the sink, struggling to breathe. Leave my mom? Leave her before she could function well on her own?
I couldn't. Nor could I let the comment be allowed to remain un-addressed. Projecting calm is something I do well, so I called upon that skill and re-entered the room. I told them both that I needed to speak with them. Pulling up a footstool, I forced myself to make eye contact with both of them, and said quietly, "I loved my dad very deeply, and I never
ever want to hear either of you speak of him with anything less than compassion and respect. His pain outweighed his ability to cope. It had nothing to do whether he loved you enough, or loved me enough. I know he loved me. And I know his pain was too much."
Both of them were shocked, but not in anger. They were astonished. My grandmother then completely blindsided me by saying gently, "Oh, honey, I didn't
know."
Now I live a couple miles from my mom, and three times a week I drive out to the facility where my grandmother lives and she pays me nicely to massage her feet for an hour. I am her advocate and stand up for her in making sure she is getting good care.
I was angry, but striking them with words would not serve any of us. It was my first time ever in standing my ground. I learned that I could survive a confrontation. Survive, and gain tremendously from it.
As for animals ..... Oh Mala .... I do hear you. While I am compassionate towards people in need, I am more so about animals. And I do judge (yes, I said 'judge') people on how they treat animals. Our dog is fed before I get my coffee

Our dog sleeps on the bed. Our treatment of animals is a reflection of ourselves.
I am learning forgiveness. There are areas I still lack in this .... someone who mistreats another, especially those who cannot fight back .. I'm not so forgiving. And anyone who mistreats an animal, child, or elder ... I have flash-fantasies about doing indulging in some creative torture (I do have a creative mind).
When is it okay to be angry? It is okay to be angry whenever you feel it.
When is it okay to express it? I believe it is always okay to express it .... it is
how you express it that matters.
with grace and gratitude,
^_^