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Should I just drug myself up?

Lexington

Lexington

Peer Supporter
Feel in a genuine quandary tonight. Been trying really hard to find some time for myself this last week to address TMS honestly (Iknew i had it last 2 months but..) and following programme. There are issues from the past to deal with but it's been brought on at this time by recent onslaught of events - work, bereavement, needy elderly relative. Previously before a nasty relapse I was off work and supposed to be recuperating but still doing a load of running around for other people.
Anyway today was the first day I could have physically managed to visit my increasingly frail mother in law but I decided not to as I am due to take her to hospital appointment tomorrow. Then she goes out shopping (against all family's advice and we get her food deliveries) and is mugged for her card at the ATM! She doesn't report theft for over an hour and several thousand gone!! I feel guilty as she was obviously lonely and I didn't go round and she was easy pickings.
My dilemma is this, in the end I took 2 codeine so I could do some stuff while my husband went to try sort the bank out and it was easy!!! I was floating. I realised I could just take the max daily pills and basically go back to being everyone's doer (and man is there a lot to do!!! MIL needs to be moved, I have a job to return to, a 7 year old son, Xmas round corner and a memorial service to organise).
I actually can't afford this time now to cry and journal and post. I had stopped taking all the stupid NSAIDS a week ago and only ever took 1 codeine at a nighttime. But I have to get off my arse and get going now. The only conceivable way to be as mobile as I need to be is by risking a codeine addiction. Maybe I don't actually have a choice at this moment.
 
Lexington said:
Feel in a genuine quandary tonight. Been trying really hard to find some time for myself this last week to address TMS honestly (Iknew i had it last 2 months but..) and following programme. There are issues from the past to deal with but it's been brought on at this time by recent onslaught of events - work, bereavement, needy elderly relative. Previously before a nasty relapse I was off work and supposed to be recuperating but still doing a load of running around for other people.
Anyway today was the first day I could have physically managed to visit my increasingly frail mother in law but I decided not to as I am due to take her to hospital appointment tomorrow. Then she goes out shopping (against all family's advice and we get her food deliveries) and is mugged for her card at the ATM! She doesn't report theft for over an hour and several thousand gone!! I feel guilty as she was obviously lonely and I didn't go round and she was easy pickings.
My dilemma is this, in the end I took 2 codeine so I could do some stuff while my husband went to try sort the bank out and it was easy!!! I was floating. I realised I could just take the max daily pills and basically go back to being everyone's doer (and man is there a lot to do!!! MIL needs to be moved, I have a job to return to, a 7 year old son, Xmas round corner and a memorial service to organise).
I actually can't afford this time now to cry and journal and post. I had stopped taking all the stupid NSAIDS a week ago and only ever took 1 codeine at a nighttime. But I have to get off my arse and get going now. The only conceivable way to be as mobile as I need to be is by risking a codeine addiction. Maybe I don't actually have a choice at this moment.
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Ask your Dr for something maybe not so additive ...sometimes we all need a little help from big pharma to get us to get us to the next day. Even Sarno says meds are fine there no reason to be in extreme pain. Yet you also dont want to numb your self where u cant deal with whats going on emotionally and thats what happens when we kill pain we kill the messanger?
 
Meds have their purpose, and this seems like it may be the time for you to sue them. Just because you take them on occasion for their intended purpose to relieve pain does NOT make you an addict. The mere fact that you have that thought says that you don't have an addictive personality.

I've been given morphine for a kidney stone in the ER, the worst pain I've ever felt and thank God for it! It did not turn me into an addict, I left the hospital with an RX for percodan, and I didn't say, "Wow, this morphine stuff is great, I think I'll go to the corner pusher and get started on heroin. I didn't get high, it just took the pain away. So don't worry about it.

Regarding the stolen credit card, as the bank probably told you, you're not responsible if you report it in a timely fashion. Nice world we live in where old ladies are jumped and robbed at the ATM. And stop filling guilty about that one too.

Sound's like you are doing all the work or more then your fair share--where's everyone else on the planet?
 
Hi thanks both. Maybe I shouldn't be scared of taking the pills and getting on for a bit. I am committed to the work overall and may just have to find my time for it later in the day. Ironically I'm debating in myself whether to pay for a therapist at the moment and then the amount stolen is that several times over and it was just there in her account, she spends nothing on herself! She went out to buy denture cream! I know I need to journal this one :( Sadly the bank may not refund due to time lag in reporting it. She may be showing dementia signs.
Yeah this one is going to be on me and my husband, the other siblings live away or overseas and one of them just passed away but that's another story..... My husband is doing loads but has a pretty demanding job with long hours. I am local in the day, part time and until recently just been getting on with it. My anger and resentment is definitely there about this as she is now a pretty difficult lady. But it's really not nice to be think mean things about old ladies!!!! I'm such a 'good girl' at heart.
 
Acknowledge and FEEL those "not nice" thoughts, they are psychologically normal. Stuffing, repressing and suppressing them into the sub-c is what creates the reservoir of rage, and it's leads to it's eventual overflowing, and thus creating TMS/psychosomatic pain symptoms. "Goodism" is the hallmark personality trait of a TMS'er. Do good because you want to, not because you feel compelled or coerced to.
 
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I've decided i'm going to do good for her because I love my husband and he loves me and I see how sad he is to see his Mum changing with age. He also needs to hug his inner child. If I make time for my inner child later on in the day we can all get what we need? I hope so...
 
Lexington said:
... Then she goes out shopping (against all family's advice and we get her food deliveries) and is mugged for her card at the ATM! She doesn't report theft for over an hour and several thousand gone!! I feel guilty as she was obviously lonely and I didn't go round and she was easy pickings.

... I realised I could just take the max daily pills and basically go back to being everyone's doer (and man is there a lot to do!!!

... I had stopped taking all the stupid NSAIDS a week ago and only ever took 1 codeine at a nighttime. But I have to get off my arse and get going now. The only conceivable way to be as mobile as I need to be is by risking a codeine addiction. Maybe I don't actually have a choice at this moment.
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I don't know how it is in the UK but in the USA, if you report a credit card theft within a day or two you are not responsible for any losses. After that it goes up incrementally starting at $50. If it's a debit card I don't know. It may be time time to take the cards away from Mum. Don't blame yourself for it, BLAME the mugger and the collective downturn in the world culture that is allowing these dastardly deeds to increasingly happen--basically blame the politicians--but someone elected them too.

I know all this because, my ex-gf had her wallet stolen out of her unattended purse, left in her shopping cart, while she had her head in the frozen food cooler at Safeway. Before she was out of the store, they had charged $3.000 at Walgreens and Best Buy. What are the bank card people telling you that Mum is responsible for?--maybe you can still charge your therapy to Mum.

If you are going to take the meds, maybe don't start with the max dose of two, instead see what half of one does first and perhaps the NSAIDS would be sufficient. No need to go from one extreme to the other, as Walt Stack said , "Start slow and taper off."
 
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Good advice TT. I take min amount at best it helps me cope but by no means it kills the pain. I deal with what comes up and let it go. When i am in constant flare i sit with it for awhile then move on..going for a hike before work.
God Bless us all
 
Hi thanks, yes I took 1 and it by no means got rid of pain but I was upright and have got thru hospital visit with Mum in law. Feeling pretty chuffed in an "outcome independent" way and i really did care less about the pain, i cared more aboutbeing there. I think 2 only for emergencies.
As regards fraud bank will make a decision in 5 days about refund. They seemed doubtful as she knowingly didn't report for over an hour (UK you have to do asap) and has told her son (my husband) her code number. We will have to see about taking the cards away now and getting a joint powers account! It's very stressful as she just won't admit that this is a problem. She wasn't ever going to pay for my therapy it just struck me as ironic that she can be so blasé about so much money going (she said "oh well it's only money" but I know that she doesn't want to admit how much it has upset her) and I had a sleepless night about whether I can afford therapy! I have decided I absolutely have to do this now or how else am I going to navigate thru all this?
Dilemma 2 do I go back to work next Thursday when my sick note ends? Still in lots of pain as you know but some days to go and could just take the pills. I have had about 9 weeks off now! I don't exactly feel ready but not sure I ever will, I hate it and am leaving the job in july. It's def one of my big TMS issues. Maybe it's another just do it? Show the bully I'm not scared and if I have started therapy by then well it could be OK?
 
Thanks for the reply, I would give a try to convinceing the bank of the special circumstances with her being elderly, etc. That's pretty tight in the UK, one hour, wow! In the USA, where criminal behavior is better understood, the law gives the bad guys a few days head start to level the playing field so criminals can catch up with the stuff working folks possess. Google what the stolen credit card policies are in the US, it may give you some amo to negotiate with the bank when you point out how generous we are in US when it comes to sharing the loot--I mean wealth.

G'luck!
 
Hi well took more than usual drugs today but not the Max. Ended the day shaky and irritable! So not a total solution then. Back to the work, can have a slightly less physical day tomorrow. Anyone know what outcome independence feels like? I thought I had it at points today I.e. I was just getting on with things but was frustrated and focussed on pain by end of the evening. I guess it' s hard to do all day long and have to give myself credit for what I did manage.
 
Don't think about it so much just move on with your day…and good for you fro getting some relief with medication to continuing on with the work
 
Hello Lexington, in regards to your worry about pain medication addiction, the only way you will become addicted to codeine is if you take it for recreational purposes. When you take it recreationally, it sends dopamine to the brain, consequently triggering your reward system, thus causing your craving for the medication. However, if you take it for true therapeutic reasons, such as pain relief, you will not develop an addiction. Dopamine is not being sent out to the brain to cause that addiction process. But if you are on opioids for a long duration of time, your body might become physically dependent on the medication, and abrupt discontinuation will cause withdrawal symptoms, so in that case, you just ween yourself off the medications over time. But by no means will you become addicted to the medication. They even did a study on this with cancer patients who were in chronic pain. With the hundreds of patients who were studied taking long term opioids, not one of them became addicted to the medication, because they were in true pain.
 
Hi, Lexington. Great advice from Samwise not to worry about taking codeine for medicinal purposes. You're going through a lot so medication is understandable and Dr. Sarno says okay to take it, so long as you keep believing that TMS emotions cause your pain and anxiety.

I also think your mother-in-law's credit card theft money will be forgiven and not charged to her. It really is a shame that we can't go safely to an ATM, but that seems to be a place thieves haunt. I try to do as much money business on the Internet with my bank and with PayPal. I rarely keep any cash on me and don't use the ATM. Maybe now your MILaw will stop going to the ATM.

You are a very conscientious caretaker, but try to do just what you can without dragging yourself down. I was the primary caretaker for my elderly mother but had to let someone else take over after two years. She was impossible to please. I drove her everywhere and she even introduced me to our pastor before Mass as her "chauffeur." That really galled me!
 
Hi Walt,
Thanks! That's so hard isn't? Your message meant a lot today as my MIL was really offhand with me when I offered to come over while the police came to talk to her about the crime, as they bought cars with the money they believe it's an eastern european export gang. She is rather taking me for granted at the moment and seems to think my being off from work is for her benefit! I am trying to journal about this because I do get angry and resentful. Sadly I let it spoil my first solo outing (of this relapse) to a craft shop and came home in tears and agony. The connection was so obvious. I was muttering to myself about feeling angry at her rudeness as I shuffled out of the mall. It didn't really help. Another poster mentioned EFT tapping. Have you tried it? I just need to find a way to engage my frontal cortex in these moments. I think I have to go to work next week to avoid just being the chauffeur. At least I managed to buy some craft stuff and me, my inner child and my son have had a lovely afternoon doing hama beads and painting clay candle holders!!!! It really is therapeutic and I feel loads better now but I must remember to journal fully. Thanks for your support.
 
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