Shame for not healing quickly enough

[Bonnard]

.... I went out for dinner last night spontaneously and was paralysed with indecision about where to eat - like it really matters! I am also going on holiday soon and need to buy some things for my campervan and have spent four days trying to decide because I didn’t know what colour to get - the stress this has caused me is incredible. It’s amazing how deep it all runs and how hard it can be to break free of it ....

.... I used to be somewhat like this - for instance, I remember an episode where I needed to buy a new alarm clock and I simply couldn't choose between two very similar alarm clocks (and then, after I'd somehow decided to plump for one of them, I got home and had a melt down trying to set up the alarm and criticised myself for not choosing the other model...

These two experiences -- from @Soph1802 and @BloodMoon -- remind me of a passage from Melody Beattie's classic book Codependent No More. This book isn't about TMS, but there is a powerful chapter (only 8 pages total, but packed with gems) titled 'Have a Love Affair with Yourself' that contains descriptions of self-defeating behaviors that fit quite well with the TMS personality. Following that are affirmations that have helped me so much.

Here is Melody Beattie:
"One of my favorite forms of self-torture involves a dilemma between two things to do. I make a decision to do one of them first. The minute I act on this decision, I say: 'I should be doing the other thing.' So I switch gears, begin doing the other thing, and I start in on myself again: 'I really shouldn't be doing this. I should be doing what I was doing before.'"

My add-on to this self-torture is that I start on one of the things to do, and then beat myself up because I made some commitment I couldn't undo -- I spent money on tickets, or didn't buy tickets in time, or committed to someone that I would make an event, or declined an invite, or took time off work, etc. etc...
The point is--my head's telling me that whatever I do is wrong.

 

[BloodMoon]

These two experiences -- from @Soph1802 and @BloodMoon -- remind me of a passage from Melody Beattie's classic book Codependent No More. This book isn't about TMS, but there is a powerful chapter (only 8 pages total, but packed with gems) titled 'Have a Love Affair with Yourself' that contains descriptions of self-defeating behaviors that fit quite well with the TMS personality. Following that are affirmations that have helped me so much.

I'll take a look at that book - thanks for the recommendation.

The point is--my head's telling me that whatever I do is wrong.

I suggest to try telling it to shut up. That's what I do now, and it works a treat. Dr Sarno recommended talking to our brains. You can't stop thoughts popping into your head, but you can say to your brain "I don't have to think about this now" or sometimes I simply say "zero tolerance!" and it'll shut up, even if I have to repeat doing this a few times. The brain's just being a worry a wort but to the nth degree, trying to make sure that you're doing the best for yourself to ensure that you are not in any danger and will be keeping safe.

If you're making decisions that you regret because you're a people pleaser and didn't want to do those things in the first place (I surely was a people pleaser to a certain degree) then that's obviously something we need to change, but other than that, being a TMS-er you will almost certainly make your decisions with care and so you can endeavour to remember that and do a Harry S. Truman when he said: "All my life, whenever it comes time to make a decision, I make it and forget about it."