Self-judgment

M

mkdragonfly

New Member
The last activity in Day 9 was to look at self-criticism. I made a list of things I was critical of myself - from too much salt on my food, to being forgetful, being a poor conversationalist, etc... And I wondered why am I doing this? Is it that if I don't judge myself, I somehow won't want to improve or get better at those things? But then I have to ask how that is working for me - not so well. Now I am looking at what might happen if I still did all those things and were those ways but am happy to no matter what? Wouldn't that be a relief? Or I could make some changes, but be happy in the process of those changes. Both ways, it's a win-win for me.
 
Hi, mkdragonfly. I think you are right in stopping judging yourself... we all can come up with reasons for feeling unhappy or guilty. Just put them aside now. You've told your subconscious about them, that's all you have to do with that subject. Focus now on journaling, to discover any other emotions causing your pain. I like your idea of being happy in the process of working on TMS. You definitely are in a win-win situation.
 
Today I'm worried that because I haven't been to an official TMS practitioner, that I am holding back on full acceptance of the diagnosis - like what if it is that slightly bulging disk that my MRI showed? I feel like my MRI showed a back with some problems in the L4-5 area, but for my age, it is probably normal. I am afraid of talking about TMS with my regular doctor (who I generally really like), but the last thing she talked to me about was shots and pills, and a pain management clinic, none of which are appealing to me. I'm afraid she'll dismiss the TMS idea...
 
mkdragonfly said:
Today I'm worried that because I haven't been to an official TMS practitioner, that I am holding back on full acceptance of the diagnosis - like what if it is that slightly bulging disk that my MRI showed? I feel like my MRI showed a back with some problems in the L4-5 area, but for my age, it is probably normal. I am afraid of talking about TMS with my regular doctor (who I generally really like), but the last thing she talked to me about was shots and pills, and a pain management clinic, none of which are appealing to me. I'm afraid she'll dismiss the TMS idea...
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Have you thought of doing a Skype session with a TMS practitioner? That could help! Although not an "official" TMS practitioner myself (yet!), I can tell you for sure that a mildly bulging disc is nothing and will not cause pain symptoms. My own lumbar MRI had 2 herniated discs and I had a full TMS pain cure, similarly as many people on this site. Disc issues=definite TMS :) It's unfortunately probably a lost cause with a typical MD and TMS...I definitely am not bringing it up to other healthcare professionals unless they take a specific interest in mindbody medicine!
 
I'm on Day 13. Yesterday was my best day so far - It sunk it even deeper the need to fully accept that this is psychological and not physical. I realized that my first thoughts upon wakening have continually been about pain - "how much pain did I have and where was it." Yesterday I would not let myself go there and just said over and over "it's psychological, not physical." Somewhere I read "until we accept the psychological component of chronic pain, the pain won't go away - it lingers in our minds - and I realize that I have been doing that - that inkling that maybe there was something in my body that was causing this. Not helpful and never to be found!!! Yesterday I was waiting to get my haircut and picked up an Oprah magazine with an article by Elizabeth Gilbert about her hurting knees (chronic pain) - it completely supported what I'm doing and what all of us here are doing! I feel incredibly lucky to have found Dr. Sarno's books and the TMS wiki and incredibly thrilled that I am open and willing to see my life differently because of this.
 
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