Self destructive

[tammyg]

After listening to the first part of Alan's program I cannot believe how mean I have been to myself. I thought everyone had the kind of internal thoughts that I have. When he said, would you treat your child that way, it hit home. I love my children so much, there is no way on earth I would tolerate the level of criticism I afflict on myself on them. I cannot recall a time when I was a child where my Mom or Dad protected me or comforted me when I was upset. I became such a tough girl. I remember being upset one time when I first married my wonderful husband he wanted to hold me and I said no, he said why won't you let me hold you?
I have never known why I didn't let people comfort me when I have been upset, it always felt wrong.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi tammyg,

I think it is wonderful that you are awakening to this new understanding of yourself. It sounds like you have had a tough life, without the support that you give your children. Knowing this, and seeing how you treat yourself --the way you were treated-- is a wonderful, if not painful-at-first realization. Unlearning this self-treatment can take a little time. Just observing this activity is a huge start. You might like the book "Soul Without Shame" by Byron Brown in which he explores the Inner Critic with lots of real world examples and teaches ways of disengaging from the "Inner Bully."

It helps people sometimes to realize that all this self-rejecting activity we experience was learned to keep us safe, and in relationship to our parents and adults. Be successful at at school, be loved, act nice to be loved. As an adult, we don't need this punitive voice anymore, but it lives on and has to be dealt with skillfully. As adults we learn to dismiss it. Good luck in this.

As far as TMS work goes, just being aware that your Inner Child is being hurt on a regular basis by this Inner Bully may be enough for you to have a deep understanding of the "difficult emotions of the Inner Child that don't want to be felt." This may be a key teaching for you. Now you know some real causes of symptoms, so the symptoms can dissipate.

Andy B.