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Second child incoming...

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by crookedintheuk, Jun 28, 2023.

  1. crookedintheuk

    crookedintheuk New Member

    I'm wondering if others have had a similar experience to myself. I have had recurring back pain for years, always coming back at stressful moments, or moments of dramatic change. Shortly after my first child was born, I was plagued with horrendous back pain for the whole summer.

    My second child is due in October. My back has flared up with a vengeance, but I haven't done anything to explain this in a medical way. My theory is that this is being cause by layers of anxiety and worry. Some of the things that play on my mind are:
    • the potential negative impact of having a second child on my relationship with my daughter (1st child)
    • as well as the potential negative impact on my relationship with my wife
    • a combination of the above
    • a sense of increasing loss of agency
    • a likely increase in the lack of sleep and exhaustion
    • worrying that the above is going to make me seriously ill, which it likely won't!
    • an increasing fear of mortality (myself) and not wanting to miss a moment.
    • an increasing fear of mortality (of others)
    • reemergent grief related to my father who died aged 44, when I was 7 (I am fast approaching that age)
    • a sudden understanding of what growing up without a father actually meant/means
    • worrying about my abilities to juggle the increasing responsibilities that come with having two children
    • increasing awareness that my more carefree adventurous years are behind me
    The list could go on.

    I've booked to have some talking therapy with a counsellor, as I found that seemed to help after the birth of my daughter.

    Has anybody on here had similar experiences?
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. Cactusflower

    Cactusflower Beloved Grand Eagle

    When I read this, it absolutely reminded me of Nichole Sachs story. In her book she recalls one of her first journal entries, as the conflict between loving her kids consciously and hating the responsibility subconsciously. A large part of her identity was being a good Mom, so it was totally an aha moment for her. It brought up so many layered emotions for her, and it was a turning point in recognizing that not all her thoughts are true, especially in her subconscious.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I would absolutely say "All of the above", @crookedintheuk. Your list is extremely insightful and substantive. Every one of those topics is worthy of examination at some point in your journey.

    Print out your list and bring it with you to your appointment!

    Are you familiar with the Structured Educational Program on the main tmswiki.org site? The writing exercises all start out by making lists of emotional topics to explore. You've made a great start!

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