Rose
New Member
Hello everyone!
I work on a computer, and my main hobby is photography (necessitates a lot of computer work). I have a doctor's note on my desk for an MRI of my rotator cuff. I said I would get the MRI in 2 weeks if I couldn't find some alternative. I discovered TMS online yesterday morning, and I feel like I've lived a full week since.
I hope TMS is what I have. I'm going to get Healing Back Pain on Tuesday and I'm sure that will help me understand it more. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's tried numerous therapies and books, sure each time that it would help - so I am hesitant. Cautious. It almost sounds too good to be true.
If it's any indication, my latest symptom has been arm pain (rotator cuff, mostly right) and this morning, after reading about TMS all night, I woke up with insane pain across both arms, shoulder, neck, and a gigantic headache. I think that means I've hit the nail on the head!
I'm 24 and I've had symptoms since at least the age of 10, possibly much earlier. I also experience misophonia and I am hopeful that will subside as well as my symptoms.
The 2 things I am most concerned about are being able to trust myself, and how this will affect my relationship with my husband.
#1: Trusting myself - I was raised by a narcissistic mother (my diagnosis; several family members and our therapists agree, ha) and the type of father that goes along with that. So I grew up unhappy but thinking that verbal & emotional abuse was normal and what I deserved. To keep the story short, I lied a lot as a child to try & escape that.
But I really did start to feel sick/get headaches when I was told to do chores/homework as a child. And I was told, It's all in your head, or You're lying, stop it and get to work. And even my husband, who is the most loving & caring man but is also pragmatic and has a touch of perfectionism - he's questioned me sometimes, saying, Isn't it funny that your arms hurt too much to work on the computer when you need to be doing something? And I am just heartbroken because this whole time I've tried to be an ally for myself! I've said no, I'm not imagining it, the symptom really is real and I am not trying to weasel out of it, because I'm a responsible person with good character who follows through; I am telling the truth that I just hurt too much to do my job.
So I just feel disillusioned and I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust myself. There's a lot more to this but I won't bore you with it. I've gone to therapy, I know my childhood sucked, I've been over it. I've invested so much in both my body and my mind, keeping them optimized and in harmony (supposedly), and this is what happens?
#2: Relationship with my husband - because he "called it" about 4 years ago. At the time, I was looking desperately for work. My back & neck pain were so severe that we'd been paying for me to go to the chiropractor 3x a week and the chiropractor finally said, "Maybe you need to go talk to a therapist instead." I was so ashamed and felt so guilty - and couldn't ask to spend even more money. My husband had said the same thing, "Maybe it's all in your head."
And with the misophonia, he was compassionate and paid for hypnotherapy, but sometimes would let something slip like "When are you going to get over that?" Because it's not logical to him. He thinks I just let things get to me easily, on purpose. Again, he's very fact-based and more perfectionistic than me.
The thing is, I'm sure he also has TMS, with his insomnia and neck pain, and, to be immature about it, I'm dreading telling him about this because I'm afraid he'll think of me as weak and gullible while he is having the same issue and it's not fair! /pout But knowing how marriage is, I know I need to focus on me first, not fixing him.
So those are my 2 big concerns.
Thanks for creating this place, I'm looking forward to reading the book and seeing what happens. Thanks also to Forest and his videos for being such a great path to the wiki and thanks to those who created the structured program, it's very intuitive and well-thought-out. Loving the success stories, so much.
I work on a computer, and my main hobby is photography (necessitates a lot of computer work). I have a doctor's note on my desk for an MRI of my rotator cuff. I said I would get the MRI in 2 weeks if I couldn't find some alternative. I discovered TMS online yesterday morning, and I feel like I've lived a full week since.
I hope TMS is what I have. I'm going to get Healing Back Pain on Tuesday and I'm sure that will help me understand it more. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's tried numerous therapies and books, sure each time that it would help - so I am hesitant. Cautious. It almost sounds too good to be true.
If it's any indication, my latest symptom has been arm pain (rotator cuff, mostly right) and this morning, after reading about TMS all night, I woke up with insane pain across both arms, shoulder, neck, and a gigantic headache. I think that means I've hit the nail on the head!
I'm 24 and I've had symptoms since at least the age of 10, possibly much earlier. I also experience misophonia and I am hopeful that will subside as well as my symptoms.
The 2 things I am most concerned about are being able to trust myself, and how this will affect my relationship with my husband.
#1: Trusting myself - I was raised by a narcissistic mother (my diagnosis; several family members and our therapists agree, ha) and the type of father that goes along with that. So I grew up unhappy but thinking that verbal & emotional abuse was normal and what I deserved. To keep the story short, I lied a lot as a child to try & escape that.
But I really did start to feel sick/get headaches when I was told to do chores/homework as a child. And I was told, It's all in your head, or You're lying, stop it and get to work. And even my husband, who is the most loving & caring man but is also pragmatic and has a touch of perfectionism - he's questioned me sometimes, saying, Isn't it funny that your arms hurt too much to work on the computer when you need to be doing something? And I am just heartbroken because this whole time I've tried to be an ally for myself! I've said no, I'm not imagining it, the symptom really is real and I am not trying to weasel out of it, because I'm a responsible person with good character who follows through; I am telling the truth that I just hurt too much to do my job.
So I just feel disillusioned and I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust myself. There's a lot more to this but I won't bore you with it. I've gone to therapy, I know my childhood sucked, I've been over it. I've invested so much in both my body and my mind, keeping them optimized and in harmony (supposedly), and this is what happens?
#2: Relationship with my husband - because he "called it" about 4 years ago. At the time, I was looking desperately for work. My back & neck pain were so severe that we'd been paying for me to go to the chiropractor 3x a week and the chiropractor finally said, "Maybe you need to go talk to a therapist instead." I was so ashamed and felt so guilty - and couldn't ask to spend even more money. My husband had said the same thing, "Maybe it's all in your head."
And with the misophonia, he was compassionate and paid for hypnotherapy, but sometimes would let something slip like "When are you going to get over that?" Because it's not logical to him. He thinks I just let things get to me easily, on purpose. Again, he's very fact-based and more perfectionistic than me.
The thing is, I'm sure he also has TMS, with his insomnia and neck pain, and, to be immature about it, I'm dreading telling him about this because I'm afraid he'll think of me as weak and gullible while he is having the same issue and it's not fair! /pout But knowing how marriage is, I know I need to focus on me first, not fixing him.
So those are my 2 big concerns.
Thanks for creating this place, I'm looking forward to reading the book and seeing what happens. Thanks also to Forest and his videos for being such a great path to the wiki and thanks to those who created the structured program, it's very intuitive and well-thought-out. Loving the success stories, so much.
