Day 5 Revisited my middle school days

Today I journaled about middle school. It was a rough time for me and was when my anxiety symptoms began. I started getting stomach pains and headaches back then. I wasn't popular I didn't have a girlfriend and I didn't have really close friends at the time. It was an isolation for me. I always wanted to be like and I wasn't back then. I always wanted to be good at something or recognized for something.
Think of some activities you really enjoy doing. If you could do one of these activities without feeling stressed out, without having anxiety, and without worrying about your family, kids, job, etc. how would that feel? Why do you not do this activity more often? What steps could you take to do this activity stress free and without worrying about other things? Do this activity this week
. I like to travel places and do things. Anything really. For a while and still some now I would get nervous anywhere I would go. I just fear going out for some reason. Maybe it has something to do with my comfort zone. The one thing I can think about to reduce my worry is just to go through and conquer by doing it. Same as I. Have with working out and gaming and other hands on activities for my pain riddled hands.

 

Yeah it's a continuos struggle

 

So glad I thought to search for "travel and TMS" and I am heading to Greece this Saturday for eight days and I am waking up with my heart pounding and a sense of dread as I see the refugees on Lesbos, suffering terribly, the farmers protesting in the streets of Athens, and I wonder, "Is this the next big back pain incident because of fear?"
I have been very planful, have scheduled private tours with expert guides. I am an emotional person, which helps keep the TMS at bay, but when I travel with my husband he really doesn't want to listen to my string of dark thoughts, complaining mind, anxiety and wish to run back home to safety. Honestly, neither do I.

I usually have a great time when I travel BUT. But I recall the few TMS events I had before recovering and the ones on the road were particularly awful. Perhaps I will write an inventory of those and share them with someone who can listen compassionately. When I try to explain my anxiety, people try to talk me out of it. It's typical to try, I know.

Well, off to the rest of my day. Practicing staying in the Now, being kind to my inner baby self. Not saying every fear that comes to mind. Not weighing everyone down with my negativity. It's not all of who I am, just a part of me, and I continually find soft places for it to land so that I don't create new and awful symptoms.

Thank you, TMS Tribe.

bg

PS: I am not a new member, been around a while but haven't posted much as the symptoms are so much improved. I guess it's a reminder to have Beginner's Mind right? Where everything is possible. (Suzuki Roshi said that, not me)

 

Hi, Bodhigirl. Your upcoming trip to Greece sounds wonderful. I've seen most of Europe but never got to Greece. Some of my best friends are Greek and visit their homeland every year, with relatives still living there. Don't stress about poverty there... it's here, too.

Living in the Now is the way to go. I like this quote from Joan Rivers:

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why they call it the present.”