Day 1 Relieved!

Well here I am once again battling TMS. Only this time I feel much wiser and am learning so much more about it.

Without the good grace of Alan Gordon giving me this TMS Recovery Program.. I would still be in a WORLD OF PAIN! And even if it comes back, I know how to deal with it in a way I didn't before.

The first time I had to deal with this was 4 years ago with chronic lower back pain. Had it for 6 months. Was in constant pain.. Plotting my suicide if it didn't get better within 5 years. Who wants to live in chronic pain?!

I read Sarno's book HBP and was 80% better over night, no pain within a week.. I now have so much more understanding and kindness to those in chronic pain because of this experience.

SOOOOO.
Now it's back! In the form of neck pain. And I mean it has been brutal. It started by sleeping on my stomach with my neck kinked to the side. Woke up... Couldn't move my neck to the left, up or down without being in excruciating pain. "Torticollis" It was UNREAL. 10 days later I was better. Then it came BACK on the other side all by "sleeping funny". I have spent the past two months going to chiropractors, getting deep tissue/trigger point massages, etc. etc. All knowing that stress had something to do with it. Well.. That and conditioning myself to be in such a high level of anxiety constantly again. I even had an anxiety attack! Totally in constant fear. I was always preoccupied with the fear of not being able to ride my bike, sleeping wrong, being forever like this. My mother had this disorder.. She passed away. She had severe depression and had chronic back, neck, fibro, etc. You name it. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to beat this again and that I would turn into my sick, depressed mother. Fear, fear, fear, I was sooo exhausted and so conditioned.

I know that TMS is an emotional barometer and re-read Sarno's book. Thinking that it would be sooooo simple to be instantly better. NOPE. Not this time. Desperate to figure out what to do, I decided maybe I needed to go see a therapist to get out these repressed emotions and figure out what they were. And how the hell to get out of constant anxiety. Then, surfing the web, I ran into this message board.

I still needed to do two things to fix this situation.

#1... Completely, utterly, and wholeheartedly accept that this WAS in fact TMS. And believe me, I now have. There is nothing structurally wrong with me.

#2... THE BIG ONE!!! Success isn't measured about how much pain I'm in... But how LITTLE I CARE! Ahhhhh right there! That was what I was missing this time.

See... I'd start to feel better, then the pain would come back even more. I'd be sooo mad and think that it was never going to go away. But once I realized that this is actually progress I said "Bring it ***itch!" I'm not afraid anymore.

So since the fear is gone... Now I'm just trying to condition my mind from these negative conditioning thoughts. So when I go to bed I don't think about what position will be most comfortable to my neck, what pillow to use, or how I'll feel when I wake up.. It doesn't matter! Our necks, backs, bodies are made to do lots of hard labor and all sorts of physical things.

So crazy how much effort it takes to redirect your mind from entertaining these destructive/unhealthy thoughts. Tough work, but I'm doing it.

The other thing is.. Going through my emotional closet and doing a nice cleaning. All of those interviews are fantastic. I love the anger/sadness/alllll of them techniques! They have helped me so much already.

90% pain free day #2 after reading and listening to the program. I'm going to do the exercises and be diligent about training my mind in healthy new ways. I am gaining a better understanding of myself and what areas I need to work on... Like self love and anger. Even if the pain comes back.... It's okay! It's tried to a few times already, but I just let it come. Because yeah.. It doesn't matter how much pain I'm in.. But how I react to it

The subconscious mind is FACINATING! You can program it to do whatever you want it to do! I've been really learning a lot because of this experience. Heck, you can even reprogram your DNA! One thing I've learned is that you can make recordings and listen to them to help with this, your goals, all sorts of things. If you listen to it 3-5 times a day, good things will happen. My brain has been hurting from trying to divert it from negativity and fear... But I feel soooo much better. So crazy how we can fall into such a vicious cycle. But now the protector/nurturer of my mind, isn't going to put up with the bully b.s. anymore. The fear is gone.

***Also, meditating and listening to the frequency 528 hz on youtube has helped a lot. Visualizing my chakras being balanced and laying with headphones on listening to this. Visualizing myself healthy, full of love, and pain free helps so so so much. Doing this two times a day. Research it for yourself... There's a really cool interview about 528 hz and it's healing power. They did an experiment on an oil spill in the gulf of mexico, they placed that vibrational note/frequency in the water.. And the water healed itself. It also has been known to help cure diseases and things like that.. Worth looking into

Bad things happen in life that you can't control. The only thing that you can control is how you react to the situation... You can either let it consume you or turn it into a beautiful thing! The power of the mind is amazing. Feelings are amazing!

Woohoo for Day 1 Journaling! I am so thankful that I found this and that it is helping! Accepting that TMS really is what's going on is the most important thing.. The second is not being afraid of it. The third is that your success should be measured by how little you care! When I first went through this material, my neck was throbbing in muscle and nerve pain, my migraine headache was pounding. But I was ecstatic and HAPPY! Because I didn't care, and I knew that I was winning! Because I decided not to fuel the fear.