I'm starting on Day 1 again having had a relapse with severe upper back pain (spasms, increasing in severity, which I describe to myself as a sensation of a thick towel being wrung by an unseen agency.)which I can only live with by taking fairly strong painkillers, taking a hot shower, lying on a hot water bottle, walking and muttering to myself while clutching my back muscles while waiting for two hours until the painkillers take effect. These same painkillers keep me awake for five hours so must be judiciously timed. If I stop the tablets the pain comes back after one or two days, probably because I expect it to! I've read Dr Sarno's book two or three times but the fear of pain returning and the desire not to become dependent on painkillers has driven me to start the educational programme over again. I am even beginning to fear the painkillers. I have not stopped exercising and living an active life but at the moment could not do this without the drugs. All of this has been repressed so I'm using the forum to offload; I've never described these feeling to anybody, but do write in a diary, but just say I've got a bad back because if I talk about pain it comes back and people ask 'How's your back?' constantly or regale me with stories of friends' miracle cures. I've visited most of them and I know there's nothing physically wrong with me.