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relapse really lingering on

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Andy101, Oct 12, 2022.

  1. Andy101

    Andy101 New Member

    hey guys. first post on this. gotta say Im quite discouraged as of late, hurt sad angry frustrated... all the things that come with persistent, stubborn pain.

    so for me I have kicked it before for over a year and if it would rear its head I would quickly get rid of it by identifying the fear and thinking it away/not focusing on it/having confidence that its got nothing/im obv 100% healthy/its just my brain taking in some hefty emotions etc. I was good for a while, thought it was incomprehensible that it could ever come back in a persistent manner. I was confident, good, had moved on.

    Well deep emotional strife during a stressful period in my life hit again and it came back to play. but the thing with this (chest pain by the way) is that it comes during social settings. when Im out with friends or on a date or out trying to talk to girls at a bar, concert, etc. Its almost like all the social dynamics cause it to freak out and really kick into gear, in turn paralyzing me for the night by turning all my attention to this pain in my chest in a loud and social setting, largely making me want to retreat home for the night most of the time. Its hard to "think it away" when Im out and about, trying to enjoy peoples company and party or have fun on a date or whatever it is. so it almost feeds itself because I hang in there and try to fight thru it subconsciously and have fun anyway. but fighting is the wrong approach obviously. the only way it goes away is if I leave the social setting, go home and lay in my bed alone, then it calms down.... wtf. it drives me crazy. literally I feel like Im losing it. the amount of frustration is unbearable. Im unable to connect with the relationships that I cherish like I want to, cuz with this pain flared up in my chest, you can almost tell Im in pain, and the harder I try to ignore it, the harder that the pain makes itself. Its even worse on dates, because Im trying to connect on a chemistry level, which is impossible to do with this screaming pain in my left chest. it will go away for a second if I do "somatic tracking" but then comes right back. I actually think that somatic tracking has made it worse only because Ive tried to do it so much that Ive becoming subconsciously obsessed with it. I know it will all go away in time, I get that. but right now its been like 4-5 months of persistent chest sensation/pain and I am having a real hard time shaking it.

    I'll also wake up painless and it wont come on unless I "remember" it. but of course Im gonna remember it at some point cuz its like been such a point of frustration in my life over the last few months. I swear if I can just erase it from my memory it will go away so much faster, but its so hard to do cuz it flares up every time Im in a social settings, on its own. I admit I fear it when I enter a social setting cuz I know that its so sneaky and has the power to "ruin" or heavily impact my time with folks.

    Gahh I really want to kick this thing again. Then again I think maybe God has this thing to keep me in check and force me to dial things back socially right now, hold off on dating. cuz I beleieve He has a hand in everything happening in my life. but why? and for how long?

    my main Q beyond just venting to yall is - well firstly how do I get this thing to go away. and 2nd - when it comes on during a date or when Im out with friends, what do I do?
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    We often see this: someone who has successfully used TMS knowledge to overcome symptoms in the past, only to have new or worse ones come along sometime later. The fact that symptoms are new or worse is simply the TMS mechanism trying to reassert itself and make you fearful again - that's not a mystery. The real mystery, of course, is what is going on in your unconscious that is causing your brain to want to retreat into fear? Some possibilities:

    a. There are still childhood issues affecting you in adulthood that were never really resolved if you simply educated yourself but never did any of the deeper emotional work. These are always lurking in the unconscious, and seem to emerge sooner or later.

    b. There are new stressors in your life causing unconscious and unresolved conflicts which you need to acknowledge and accept.

    c. The world is overall pretty f'ed up, has been so for more than a couple of years, and is not looking to improve anytime soon - and all of humanity is suffering from a mental health crisis.

    d. all of the above.​

    Everything you are describing sounds like a brain on TMS. The first thing you have to do is give yourself a break, and remind yourself that your knowledge of the mindbody connection is a powerful tool that you already know how to use - and that you will be able to use it again. Also remind yourself that overthinking and ruminating are only beneficial to your fearful brain, and harmful to your mental health.

    Breathing and mindfulness are also powerful tools. As is expressive writing. Look up breathing techniques immediately, and find one that resonates with your panic attacks (which is what your episodes sound like).

    One of the best resources for anxiety is a little book written in 1969 called Help and Hope for Your Nerves. Read it (my library has audio and download versions).

    If you never did our free SEP (Structured Educational Program) the first time around, it's time to do it. Don't let your brain allow you to rush or skim through it, or to avoid writing certain things down. The only way to get something out of the SEP is to make a serious commitment to 100% self-honesty. Anything less is a waste of time.

    Good luck,


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