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Day 13 Recovery Can be bumpy for others in the family

Jilly

Jilly

Well known member
I've found myself speaking up when the situation merits and some family members are struggling with my new found voice. I am not rude or mean, I speak the truth and facts without personal jabs or judgement statements. I once heard you can't argue with logic or a crazy person !

I reassure myself that they will get used to it, but if they don't ... that's o.k. I am giving up the need for them to be o.k., so that therefore, I will be o.k. I am not going to micro-manage to ensure things go smooth. It's a lot of work and the price is too high to be paid anymore.

Sometimes I don't speak my mind and I just focus and let the feelings move through me so they don't get stuck in my body. I don't have to say something every single time ... I can process inside my head, I can process in journaling, or I can process by speaking my mind and having a conversation.

I don't like to argue. Some family members are so sensitive / insecure that they shift from conversation straight to arguing because they have gotten used to dominating and controlling the situation with their effective angry responses. In the past it shut people down. This energy dynamic has shifted and it isn't packing the punch it used to ... I wonder what new coping mechanisms will be deployed on me next ? LOL ! Just like the symptom imperative, they will look for a new way to express their pain.
 
Wow, Jilly, good for you. I'll bet it feels good! I agree that if something's not worth bringing up (arguing, etc.) I'll write about it later. I can usually come to terms by doing that.

I especially like this: I speak the truth and facts without personal jabs or judgement statements

And your family will get used to it!

Best wishes Jilly! :D
 
Lori said:
Wow, Jilly, good for you. I'll bet it feels good! I agree that if something's not worth bringing up (arguing, etc.) I'll write about it later. I can usually come to terms by doing that.

I especially like this: I speak the truth and facts without personal jabs or judgement statements

And your family will get used to it!

Best wishes Jilly! :D
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Thanks, boy oh boy, I sure can feel the TMS twinges...
 
Jilly it sounds like you have really foumd your centre. That made me laugh-- your family has symptom imperative. Lucky you are so insightful; they may well pop up with illness or other drama. The "change back!" syndrome can be pretty tough, but it sounds like you will stick to your truth. Good for you.
 
tarala said:
Jilly it sounds like you have really foumd your centre. That made me laugh-- your family has symptom imperative. Lucky you are so insightful; they may well pop up with illness or other drama. The "change back!" syndrome can be pretty tough, but it sounds like you will stick to your truth. Good for you.
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Certain ones sure are testing me ! Thanks for the support guys, and a good laugh always takes the tension off :p
 
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