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Recognizing the connection to Pain and Life events?repressed emotions

Kylin Foster

Kylin Foster

Peer Supporter
I am starting to connect the begging of my pain to many events in my life. I started having pelvic pain when I was 15. I just had gotten out of a unhealthy relationship with someone who was suicidal. The whole relationship I felt the need to "fix" them. So often i always put on a happy face to try to make them feel better, even days I was not feeling good. Around the same time my brother was diagnosed Bipolar so the house was so hectic. My parents were so wrapped up in attending to his needs I would feel like I didn't have time to express my emotions. They were always in tears in the beginning when he would have an episode. So I would think someone had to be the strong one and I thought that person had to be me. If he was having trouble with his emotions I would feel bad expressing mine because his emotional state was more unsteady than mine so I thought I should just "tough it up." On top of that after the relationship I was in ended I started to realize I might be Bi or just Gay, but I did not know and I wanted to continue to fit in so I repressed those feelings as well. I am now 18 still on my healing journey using the TMS approach. I have a boyfriend and will be graduating soon. Part of me just wants date him util I graduate and than start experimenting. Do all that normal prom high school stuff.
 
It sounds like you have a personality similar to me. You are a people pleaser and put others emotions above your own. I do the same. I call myself a push over quite often, not saying you are! But I understand where you are coming from. Its a tms personality trait. Is your pain on and off or all the time? Have you seen a Dr about it? Have you began tms work yet? What type of pelvic pain are you experiencing?
 
I am a seeing a pain phycologist. And went to a class she taught of chronic pain. I was diagnosed with vulvodynia. I have seen MANY doctors before I discovered it was TMS. When it first started it was on and off and at one point a doctor told me it would go away with time and it did!! (Placebo) but I really believed it would and it did for a month or so . Anyways once I had pain for about 2 years it was basically every day, now I have hours sometimes mornings with no pain at all! I'm ridding my healing journey and hope to learn more about my self and continue healing more and more along the way. But I'm at a loss about
experimenting Now or waiting until I graduate. I have a boyfriend now and kinda just want to wait until I graduate in less than two months. I have started having feelings for a girl I know recently which I would normally do nothing about assuming she's straight but she's recently told me that she would have a girlfriend depending on the situation. (That's more the emotional side of stuff going on) just something I've especially been at a conflict with recently.
 
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