Really upset - no idea why

[Sarah79]

Hi,

I was wondering if I could borrow a bit of support and positive ju-ju from the forum; today is proving horrid.

Like with all things I start, I started off thinking, 'yay! An answer.' And I'm now on day 6 of the SEP and I'm having pain and I'm thinking, 'just go and do your calf stretches, believe what the podiatrist told you,' and feel an idiot for cancelling my trigger point massage, and wrote today, as per the journal exercise, about my dead father and how it made me feel to come home after he'd died to find his slippers in the hall. Lots of tears.

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow, ostensibly about something else but I want to push for an MRI on my foot as, despite two clear x-rays and an ultrasound which showed nothing, I want to see if there's anything else going on. I struggle in part because of belief and in part because of pain and in part because one of the things that was diagnosed was a thing called functional hallux limitus which is, frankly, structural, and I don't know that throwing out all treatments for the foot is a good idea when one of my conditions appears to be something that they can prod and poke and see legitimately as not-TMS. I've seen a few threads about FHL, but now feel really worried that I've done the wrong thing by embarking on this path.

That said, I was pain-free for quite a few hours yesterday, and pain-free this morning until it came back with a vengeance. I just need, or feel that I need, absolute proof of my condition being TMS, rather than making mistakes which will punish and pain my foot further. I do believe in a lot about TMS but am struggling to apply it, wholesale, to my foot pain, and would rather surrender, do five calf stretches and go and rub it all in arnica right now.

Sorry if this sounds really depressed; I know it does - just needed to get this out

Thanks

Sarah

 

[Ellen]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down. It sounds like you are not convinced you have TMS. It is sometimes a process and can take awhile for some people. Is it possible for you to see a TMS doctor and get a definitive diagnosis from an expert? That is often what it takes for some people. So I recommend that you check out the list of TMS doctors on this site and see if there is one near you. Then you'll know for sure and can dive into the recovery process wholeheartedly if it is TMS.

 

[Sarah79]

Hi Ellen,

Thank you for your kind reply.

I'm in the UK, and we don't have any TMS doctors over here. There are a few therapists I could see to help me through the actual healing process itself, but no doctors who would or could rule either way. I think for me that's why an MRI is important. If that comes back clear, then I've got the following in my favour -

1 - clear x-rays
2 - clear ultrasound
3 - clear MRI
4 - history of some of those niggling TMS things (hay-fever, shoulder pain, hip pain, stomach upsets, occasional dizziness)
5 - an anger problem
6 - those six spots on the body (lateral buttocks, spine, top of shoulders) where there's muscle pain

....and with those, I'd probably feel more reassured as to it being TMS. Additionally, the majority of my foot diagnoses are things which crop up in the TMS literature time and time again - tendonitis (two types), plantar fasciitis, metatarsalgia and tarsal tunnel syndrome.

I suppose, as well, that it's easy to have initial enthusiasm for this - or anything - only to see it fade as the journey becomes daily and difficult and not always clear.

My 'game plan' is to request an MRI tomorrow. I'll keep on with the SEP irrespective; currently on Day 6. Dependent on what the MRI shows, I can then make a more certain decision, but certainly I've not suffered any backtracking with regards my symptoms from NOT doing what I was doing before (stretching, etc), so can't imagine that keeping those things in abeyance for a little while longer will really matter.

I do wish I had complete certainty, but can at least take steps to shore that up as much as I can.

Thanks

Sarah

 

[Tennis Tom]

My 'game plan' is to request an MRI tomorrow.

1 - clear x-rays
2 - clear ultrasound
3 - clear MRI

Since you've already had clear imaging, why do you need to take more?

Since you don't have any evidence of structural causes, why not contact the long list of TMS practitioners in the UK, like Georgie Oldfield for help? If you still need an MD's clearance she may know of a physician she works with.

 

[Sarah79]

Since you've already had clear imaging, why do you need to take more?

Since you don't have any evidence of structural causes, why not contact the long list of TMS practitioners in the UK, like Georgie Oldfield for help? If you still need an MD's clearance she may know of a physician she works with.

Hi Tom,

When you quoted me saying I'd had a clear MRI, that was my mistake; I've not had an MRI, and had instead bunged 'clear MRI' onto a list of things which would help me fully believe that I have TMS. What throws me is that I had two clear x-rays, then a clear ultrasound and THEN I was diagnosed with the list of conditions that I apparently have, all of which would've appeared on an ultrasound. Maybe that defeats the point of then wanting an MRI, but I still would like one for peace of mind as to what we're actually trying to treat.

 

[Sarah79]

Okay, so I went back to the doctor yesterday and he can't refer me directly for an MRI but he can put a request in for someone else to decide. In the meantime, he took another look at the foot and said that the hallux limitus is there and is a form of arthritis. Granted, he can't conclude that definitively but there is limited mobility which would actually explain the rest of my foot pain, so for the time being, I'm suspending my investigations into TMS and will take a more traditional medical route.