Really Struggling with Knee Pain

It's now been a couple of weeks since I posted that last update and I have been through the ringer but I'm glad to say I am in a much better place now.

After that post I tried to resume running again, but it was painful during the run and BOY was it ever painful after, especially the next morning. I was dogged and determined though and continued to just push through it, try to ignore it, downplay it, etc...whatever I could do to force my brain to accept it as TMS. I even developed a mantra "it's not dangerous, it's completely harmless" anytime it would flare up.

Honestly, that didn't work too well. I would still get random pain, and the pattern it did follow was very much in line with what I was throwing at it running wise and getting steps in, etc. I got back onto a round of NSAIDs and it blunted the pain again.

Earlier this week I was in a particularly bad spot, and had resorted to doing all sorts of physical treatments - rolling the calves, stretching the calves, rolling my foot over massage balls - all the usual PT stuff one does for Plantar Fascitis. After a couple of days of that (admittedly with some relief), I realized the absurdity of it and instead went in the TMS direction. Did some somatic tracking, some meditation, read some Ozanich and Sarno books, and probably most importantly I made a page long list of current worries and fears.

That was night before last and I woke the next morning with a near 90% reduction in symptoms. Almost like a miracle.

I went for a run that day and while the foot did not hurt at all prior to that run, it immediately was painful on every step but I ignored it and finished out the 35min run despite the pain. Afterwards though, and significantly, I wasn't hobbled or experiencing any uptick in pain. Same thing for this morning, and THIS time I went for a run and did not immediately experience any shoots of pain on every step, instead just some mild tightness and soreness as the run went on.

This is significant and I think I am on my way to kicking this thing to the curb. Sometimes this stuff seems like magic, it's almost too good to be true (or maybe that's just what my doubting, worrying mind wants me to think!).

Happy to share a positive update here.

 

Despite the "positive update" above, apparently unbeknownst to me at the time, my battle was not yet over. I had severe "flares" that I had to work through over the last few weeks. Despite being "sure" (I put in question marks because there is always some part of us that doubts this process) it was TMS I just could not eradicate it.

I tried all my usual methods:

Journaling
Listening to podcasts
re-reading Sarno/Ozanich/Alan-Gordon

I'll spare the details of all the ups/downs, the waves of exhaustion, etc. It wasn't until I had a breakthrough this week that things got better. Reading some success stories here at the TMS wiki specifically for Plantar Fasciitis triggered something within me (I also had a deep insight into something that was troubling me since childhood) - and I had a complete cessation of symptoms for an afternoon and evening. I made SURE to note that on my "evidence sheet" - and in a few days the symptoms have lessened and lessened. I believe part of the problem is I was doing the "work" but only from the standpoint of getting rid of the pain. It's hard to do but you have to remove that goal from your mind and just do the work for its own benefit. Again this is easy to say but hard to do (at least for me).

I think the lesson here, for me, is to try our best to work through the doubt and also achieve "outcome independence"

 

Yes! This is one of the most important keys to recovery.

 

Update - I don't have time for a long post but wanted to update the thread since it's been over a month.

I'm still dealing with some Plantar Fasciitis pain, but it's reduced and manageable. It's just being stubborn for some reason, but *I'm* stubborn so it makes sense.

But as this PF pain has been on the wane, guess what has been on the upswing? Yep, the knee pain.

It is VERY hard for me to ignore physical/structural possibilities as they pop up in my head. I have simply not been able to eradicate the "go to" of thinking immediately "well I have been cycling alot lately" or "this always flares up when I start doing xx activity."

If I didn't have a massive, book-like evidence sheet for why I am TMS prone it would be terribly discouraging. As it stands, I just know I have work to do and this will likely be a lifelong struggle in some way at least.