Really struggling.. Please help

Lunarlass66

Lunarlass66

Well known member
Ok,
I am now to the point where I completely detest doctors, hospitals and all traditional medicine overall. In the last 2 days, I've been going crazy with fear of my low back, my MRI findings which I was told are "normal wear and tear", but still scare the living daylights out of me.. And my new symptom... Mid back pain.. In my ribs, switches back and forth from left side to right and hurts with movement such as raising my arms above my head. I was in the ER two days ago hysterical and begging the doctor to at least run some test to see what the hell's going on with me, and he cruelly stated as I sobbed with fear ( there alone no one with me..) "well, I can guarantee you sooner or later you will have an illness or disease"... What KIND of compassion is that when you go to a hospital scared you're dying, in a major panic and that's ALL he had to say??
Horrified that the only help out there for panic, medical anxiety and chronic pain is THAT!!
I never felt so alone and hopeless in all my life.. Now the nurseline on my insurance says my mid back and rib pain sounds like Chondromalacia.. And it has me terrified. I won't even Goggle that s*** because I know I'll freak out even more..
Sorry for the ramble.. Please advise, I'm a wreck today!! thank you.
 
@Lunarlass66

I had something similar happen to me when I was living in rural Texas. Had a massive panic attack, thinking it was a heart attack. Not knowing the area, I ran to the next city over where I knew was a Hospital (this is like ultra rural Texas where mobile phones sucked so I went with what I knew). They wanted to start me on beta blockers at the ER, and the following day I had to do a CT scan and consult with the doctor. Doctor says, "there's nothing wrong." Didn't help me a damn bit. I ended up taking 3 weeks off from work because the whole incident was horrific. I fly up to NY to visit my parents, have another massive panic attack, but this time the ER doc says, "there's nothing wrong. Dude, you have anxiety." Finally a name to the face.

I won't tell you to relax because it's impossible in this situation. I will say though, stay off Google. You're going to get curious, don't do it.....just don't. Not even if you think it's harmless. Right now, you need a distraction not a solution. Give it a few more hours, have a few beers or shots to calm yourself, talk to friends or family, then come back.
 
When I did a midnight run to the ER, thinking I was having a heart attack, there was a KINDLY ER doctor, who was sympathetic and told me that panic attacks and bleeds due to over-use of NSAIDS were the two most common causes for visits at his ER.

Once you've experienced a couple of these and realize you are not dying, (the thought of imminent death can make you a bit panicky--or should), you see them for what they are and hopefully stop having them and move on to a new TMS equivalent--or move onto living your life. My regular doc, now retired, gave me an RX for Xanax about twenty years ago. He said to take one if I felt that way again--I've only had to take half of one in all that time.

See or consult with a TMS physician.
 
Lunarlass66 said:
Ok,
I am now to the point where I completely detest doctors, hospitals and all traditional medicine overall. In the last 2 days, I've been going crazy with fear of my low back, my MRI findings which I was told are "normal wear and tear", but still scare the living daylights out of me.. And my new symptom... Mid back pain.. In my ribs, switches back and forth from left side to right and hurts with movement such as raising my arms above my head. I was in the ER two days ago hysterical and begging the doctor to at least run some test to see what the hell's going on with me, and he cruelly stated as I sobbed with fear ( there alone no one with me..) "well, I can guarantee you sooner or later you will have an illness or disease"... What KIND of compassion is that when you go to a hospital scared you're dying, in a major panic and that's ALL he had to say??
Horrified that the only help out there for panic, medical anxiety and chronic pain is THAT!!
I never felt so alone and hopeless in all my life.. Now the nurseline on my insurance says my mid back and rib pain sounds like Chondromalacia.. And it has me terrified. I won't even Goggle that s*** because I know I'll freak out even more..
Sorry for the ramble.. Please advise, I'm a wreck today!! thank you.
Click to expand...

Nancy my love,

There are times when we need to write a day off and yield to soothing. Sarno used to suggest a glass of wine and a TMS book, and that is a fabulous idea. On bad days I either go back to bed or make a nest on the settee (my favourite blanket and pillow essential), my boy makes me a hot water bottle and if it's evening time I do as Sarno says and have a decent glass of red. We put the box on and we'll watch some comedy or a much-loved film and I do my best to forget about it. Then to bed with the knowledge that tomorrow is another day.

Have you explored Claire Weekes yet? She is the Queen to Sarnos King. Lots of stuff to read and watch by her on the forum. Explore her.

Be compassionate with yourself. Remember you are challenging TMS so it will fight back. Tell it to go fish, you're having the day off from its bullshit.

Sending you lots of love and a hug from afar.

Plum x
 
What Plum just said :)

I am so sorry you are struggling. I have too. It will be ok.

From an outside perspective, it is SO easy for other people to see that this is TMS doing its thing- scaring the crap out of you. When you're in it though, and it's happening to you, it is so hard to see that yourself. It seems impossible that it could be something other than a serious problem. You are ok.

Also, I think what your nurseline means to say is costochondritis -I ONLY tell you that because it is harmless (as is chondromalacia !) Harmless. Inflammation of cartilage for no apparent reason. The" reason" is that your mind is trying to trick you.

In addition to doing those self care things that Plum mentioned, you might want to read a success story or two that talks about extreme ups and downs (and eventual victory). One that comes to mind @AnitaV s story. So much good information in the many comments that follow too.

Hang in there!
 
@Lunarlass66

If it's any consolation, back in June 2014 I got completely trashed at a bar with some buddies. I fell down a flight of concrete stairs at the bar, got up and proceeded to walk 1 hour in the wrong direction without a jacket in freezing temps(I lived 20mins walking distance from the strip). Proceeded to fall another 5 or 6 times on my left side, evidently clinching on impact. I went to get up the next morning and doubled over in pain on my left side. I had bruised ribs and pulled intercostal muscle from the front to my back, making just breathing quite difficult, not to mention pissed the entire couch I was selling that day.

It took 4 months to recover from that. It was a terrible existence that entire time. Faux pas for thought.
 
RichieRich said:
@Lunarlass66

I had something similar happen to me when I was living in rural Texas. Had a massive panic attack, thinking it was a heart attack. Not knowing the area, I ran to the next city over where I knew was a Hospital (this is like ultra rural Texas where mobile phones sucked so I went with what I knew). They wanted to start me on beta blockers at the ER, and the following day I had to do a CT scan and consult with the doctor. Doctor says, "there's nothing wrong." Didn't help me a damn bit. I ended up taking 3 weeks off from work because the whole incident was horrific. I fly up to NY to visit my parents, have another massive panic attack, but this time the ER doc says, "there's nothing wrong. Dude, you have anxiety." Finally a name to the face.

I won't tell you to relax because it's impossible in this situation. I will say though, stay off Google. You're going to get curious, don't do it.....just don't. Not even if you think it's harmless. Right now, you need a distraction not a solution. Give it a few more hours, have a few beers or shots to calm yourself, talk to friends or family, then come back.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much Richie...
When it gets like this, the sheer and utter panic, the sense of isolation is unbearable, you literally feel like death is chasing you down, add chronic pain and it's absolutely the WORST I have ever felt... EVER in fifty years of living.
Way back in my late 20s, I had a back surgery, lumbar discectomy/laminectomy (also lost my mom all within 4 months..) and that was the last time I had anxiety/panic attacks or acute pain...
That's why this is so frightening and bewildering... It came out of left field... Unless of course last yrs, multiple orthopedic issues (pf, and hamstring) which resulted in complete loss of mobility, and job, near homelessness, and my roommate and best, best friend and "brother" of 20 yrs waking up for work one day, packing a big plastic garbage bag full of clothes, leaving for work, telling me he was going to do laundry afterward and never coming back have anything to do with the onset of this, I have no idea.
I want to BELIEVE in the TMS theory so so much... But I'm just not 100% in... Yet. The docs did a FINE job of planting a powerful seed of fear...
 
plum said:
Nancy my love,

There are times when we need to write a day off and yield to soothing. Sarno used to suggest a glass of wine and a TMS book, and that is a fabulous idea. On bad days I either go back to bed or make a nest on the settee (my favourite blanket and pillow essential), my boy makes me a hot water bottle and if it's evening time I do as Sarno says and have a decent glass of red. We put the box on and we'll watch some comedy or a much-loved film and I do my best to forget about it. Then to bed with the knowledge that tomorrow is another day.

Have you explored Claire Weekes yet? She is the Queen to Sarnos King. Lots of stuff to read and watch by her on the forum. Explore her.

Be compassionate with yourself. Remember you are challenging TMS so it will fight back. Tell it to go fish, you're having the day off from its bullshit.

Sending you lots of love and a hug from afar.

Plum x
Click to expand...
Dear Plum, (and I DO mean dear...)
I wonder if you realize the profound affect your empathy and depth of understanding have on those of us who are at the peak of suffering. There just aren't words to describe it. My emotions are touched to the point of tears (in a good way. ) whenever you post a reply. I'm getting to the point where I anticipate your advice and soothing... It helps more than you can imagine. So, again, all my thanks and gratitude to you. With love from across the pond, Nancy P. S... If anyone ever notices, my avatar shows my significant other and I on "the bike", (before helmets in place) and B-TMS.. How I miss my life back then, just 3 yrs back. Tms is a thief in a million ways...
 
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plum said:
Nancy my love,

There are times when we need to write a day off and yield to soothing. Sarno used to suggest a glass of wine and a TMS book, and that is a fabulous idea. On bad days I either go back to bed or make a nest on the settee (my favourite blanket and pillow essential), my boy makes me a hot water bottle and if it's evening time I do as Sarno says and have a decent glass of red. We put the box on and we'll watch some comedy or a much-loved film and I do my best to forget about it. Then to bed with the knowledge that tomorrow is another day.

Have you explored Claire Weekes yet? She is the Queen to Sarnos King. Lots of stuff to read and watch by her on the forum. Explore her.

Be compassionate with yourself. Remember you are challenging TMS so it will fight back. Tell it to go fish, you're having the day off from its bullshit.

Sending you lots of love and a hug from afar.

Plum x
Click to expand...
 
Just purchased "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by, Dr. Claire Weekes...on Ebay for a song.. $3.99 including shipping.
Hoping against hope that some epiphany is on the horizon once I read the book. I've traveled the wrong path time and time again thus far.
Something's gotta give.. :(
 
Lunarlass66 said:
Ok,
I am now to the point where I completely detest doctors, hospitals and all traditional medicine overall. In the last 2 days, I've been going crazy with fear of my low back, my MRI findings which I was told are "normal wear and tear", but still scare the living daylights out of me.. And my new symptom... Mid back pain.. In my ribs, switches back and forth from left side to right and hurts with movement such as raising my arms above my head. I was in the ER two days ago hysterical and begging the doctor to at least run some test to see what the hell's going on with me, and he cruelly stated as I sobbed with fear ( there alone no one with me..) "well, I can guarantee you sooner or later you will have an illness or disease"... What KIND of compassion is that when you go to a hospital scared you're dying, in a major panic and that's ALL he had to say??
Horrified that the only help out there for panic, medical anxiety and chronic pain is THAT!!
I never felt so alone and hopeless in all my life.. Now the nurseline on my insurance says my mid back and rib pain sounds like Chondromalacia.. And it has me terrified. I won't even Goggle that s*** because I know I'll freak out even more..
Sorry for the ramble.. Please advise, I'm a wreck today!! thank you.
Click to expand...

The anxiety can really get us down! I experienced the same thing with my TMS. I definitely agree with the above suggestions. I'm a big proponent of mindfulness meditation for anxiety relief...in addition to the TMS program this has helped me tremendously to calm down, stay in the moment and remind myself that i'm ok. Claire Weekes is a great suggestion too. I completely understand about your awful experience with doctors and hospitals...my clients come in with all kinds of weird stories from their orthopedic and neuro docs. The ER is the absolute worst for compassionate care, I hear you on that!
 
Lunarlass66 said:
Just purchased "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by, Dr. Claire Weekes...on Ebay for a song.. $3.99 including shipping.
Hoping against hope that some epiphany is on the horizon once I read the book. I've traveled the wrong path time and time again thus far.
Something's gotta give.. :(
Click to expand...

It takes a while for us to truly understand TMS and this knowing deepens and evolves with time. There are epiphanies along the way and I also hope this book gifts you with one. As ever please go easy on yourself and be aware of your more general state because at the moment everything is sensitised and therefore amplified. This is the time to practice self-soothing and to find out what works best for you. Try to be curious about ideas and ways of healing rather than grasping for a solution (which every single one of us does), because it is this intensity that you need to calm. I know that may sound impossible right now but even entertaining the idea is an invaluable start.

Here is a link to some Claire Weekes audio kindly posted by @Eric "Herbie" Watson. Herbie is an amazing soul and I encourage you to explore his many threads on the forum. His support and kindness was a beacon of light for me during the darkest days.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/claire-weekes-audio.2569/ (Claire Weekes Audio)

Plum x
 
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