Day 1 Ready to Try Again

I've been dealing with chronic pelvic pain for the past 5 years. I've endured 3 surgeries that did nothing to help with the pain, and then a friend I met through another forum encouraged me to take a Pelvic Pain MindBody course online. It was interesting and very different than anything I'd ever done before. I had a lot of resistance to using the tools that I learned about, but I continue to try to learn as much as I can about TMS and learning to feel my emotions. This past Spring, I saw Dr. Schubiner and he confirmed for me that I do have TMS. I then took a 4 week group course with him and another therapist as we went through his book "Unlearn Your Pain". I liked meeting with the group once a week, and felt like I was learning some new insights but once the class was over, I didn't continue with the exercises. I struggle with depression BIG TIME and I feel like that is a big part of my issue. I'm strongly considering working with a therapist one on one to see if that helps. I just need to find the right one. I'm just so damn tired of dealing with the pain every day.

 

Hi SoTired,
Yes, pain is exhausting! You've come to the right place if you're looking for wonderfully supportive people who understand what it is like to deal with pain. The good news is there are many, many, many success stories. Maybe reading some of those on this Web site might provide some hope. Dr. Schubiner is wonderful and it's really good news that you were able to get confirmation of TMS directly from him - many people struggle with the diagnosis, and you have a leg up on that aspect of this program. I've also done the Unlearn Your Pain workbook (not the in-person course). It is full of so much helpful information that it can seem overwhelming. Maybe try going back and just trying one technique at a time so it can really sink in - there's no rush, and please know that many people spend months or years trying to integrate the techniques. Or, instead you could work through the SEP on this Web site. There are also TMS therapists listed on this site - in case you didn't already see the listing. That might help in finding the right one. Dr. Schubiner might also be a good source of recommendations for you because he knows you and the TMS community. Best wishes!

 

Yes I have a therapist in mind. She works with Dr. Schubiner. BTW thanks for your kind response. I feel like the depression is what is complicating the process. I keep hearing the phrase "get curious" about this or that, and I have a hard time with that. I got curious about the SEP and have been reading and doing some of the journaling so we will see. In the past, I would get curious but when I don't see any progress, I just want to give up. I feel like since finding out about TMS the depression has worsened because I'm now aware of the thoughts and feelings and that it's my responsibility now to work the program and use the tools I've learned so I can heal. Like it's all up to me and apparently I'm not cut out for this because I can't seem to do it!

 

Hello @SoTiredOfThePain. Sorry to hear that u r still in so much discomfort.

You say you have done a mind body pelvic course & also seen & worked with Dr. Schubiner . It must have been quite liberating to have someone confirm that you have TMS yet u say u had a lot of resistance to using some of the tools u learned.

Why do u think u have this resistance & do u think its getting in the way of yr healing? It may be worth thinking about this.

Also u say u did not continue with the exercises after completing the course with Dr Schubiner. Why is that especially when u say u were gaining new insights into yr recovery?

I'm asking because I think its important to address what issues are getting in the way of yr recovery.

Pain is very depressing & the pain-depression cycle is a vicious one with one feeding the other.

A while ago I posted this link on which is an interview Abigail Stedley had with dr. Schubiner which I found very informative & useful. It talks about why pelvic pain is TMS. Maybe it can help.

http://vulvodyniacoach.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/schubiner-interview1.mp3

Good luck

Mala

 

Mala, thank you so much for posting that recording with Dr. Schubiner. I really like him.
When he mentioned one of his favorites quotes......it stopped me in my tracks. I jumped up and wrote it down as it is so SPOT ON when it comes to TMS/Mindbody issues.

"WHAT THE VOICE CANT SPEAK....
THE BODY WEEPS."

 

Are you journaling? I understand it is so hard to get started with journaling because the pain prevents you from doing anything, but you have to take that first step. Like with everything else, the first step is the hardest.

 

Mala, thanks for posting about the Abigail Steadley interview with Dr. Schubiner on pelvic pain.
It was really interesting and I hope others with that symptom look at it.

 

Yes Mala, thanks for posting the interview. I have heard about her and Dr Schubiner also mentioned her when I met with him. There are just so many sources of information that I tend to get overwhelmed by it. But I listened to the interview this morning and it was very good. It reinforced a lot of what I learned in the class. I have made progress since starting to learn about the MindBody connection. I don't give myself enough credit for that. Before the pain started I was doing a bootcamp class at my gym and I continued it for about 6 months even after the pain started (not listening to my body). Then after I stopped exercising, I wanted to blame the intense exercise for my injury/pain. But I've realized over the years that it wasn't the exercise that caused the pain. I went through a very traumatic 3 months with my marriage and then once things settled down again, the pain started. I know I was in flight/fight mode (actually it was freeze for me) for those 3 months and then 2 months later something triggered it and the pain started. But I have in the last year gone back to the gym. I'm walking/jogging and doing some strength training. It helps with my depression to get my body moving.

I am trying to journal with this SEP program. I have found that meditation has helped me a great deal. I use the Headspace app and have found the guided meditation practice very helpful and I do it every morning. I decided that I'm just going to spend at least 45 mins every day on the SEP or some type of mind body learning and not let it get overwhelming for me. I can do it with the meditation so I know I can do it with the SEP.

 

I have suffered with depression all my adult life until I participated in this 42 day program. I have seen various shrinks over the years trying to "fix" myself. I always thought "Stella, you are an intelligent person. Why can't you get this figured out. You are successful in your career. You have a wonderful husband. What's wrong with you! Why can't you figure this out?"
Shrinks always asked me "how many brothers and sister do you have and where do you fit it." All these not one ever asked if there was a death. A death of a baby. My Mother held the dying baby for 4 months after he was diagnosed with cancer. She was never again able to provide physical affection. I never heard " I love you." And no emotional support.

Of course I also over the years had numerous health issues. Years ago I read that depression was anger turned inward. I just didn't know how to get it out. The latest.. 6 years ago being pelvic pain and Interstitial cystitis. Thank goodness my physical therapist suggested I read Dr. Sarno's book.

As I participated in the program, studying the personality traits and journaling I found the depression starting to lift. After the program it came back as I started participating in various activities. I can now tie the depression to the personality traits. I still have to work on it. When the dark cloud starts to float into my head it is a warning bell. My fear of rejection is kicking in. Others are unhappy with "something" I have done. Somebody gave me a "mean look"..... it just goes on and on. I also talk to the depression if it starts to float in "Get out of my head now." I also journal about it and write the same thing.

You can do it.

 

Hi, Stella. Your post is very positive and that is good. TMS knowledge can help us deal with depression and feelings of rejection.

Your depression mantra needs to be put into the positive: "My depression is gone now. I am happy again."
Don't command depression to be gone. Believe it has gone. It works much better.

There are some excellent free videos on Youtube about depression and rejection.
I like those of J.P. Sears. Type in his name to find them in Youtube.

 

Thanks Stella. I too have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I appreciate you sharing your story (I read your profile). I keep hearing how important journaling is so I'm taking that to heart and plan to commit to doing it. I read this quote somewhere and it sums up how I'm feeling right now. "These accusations add all kinds of guilt and frustration, which in turn just reinforce the hold TMS has on your attention. You're no longer just in pain--now you're beating yourself up for being in pain and not being able to make it go away."

 

Hi, So tired. Journaling was the way out for me to lose severe back pain. I didn't realize I had been repressing anger since my childhood when my parents divorced when I was 7. I also learned that my perfectionism was causing me pain. Journaling helped me to put the divorce thing to rest and also to modify my perfectionism. Don't beat yourself up for being in pain. Now you know that TMS will stop the pain. Just be patient, persevere in the SEP and you will heal. Here is a post by one of the many people who have had success with the program.

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP


Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely read Healing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with a TMS doctor because it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

I just discovered the Reading Guide to Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program and am wondering now if I should proceed with that instead of the SEP. Especially since I've already been through 2 other TMS programs. Thoughts?

 

So Tired... Both programs are excellent and can help you to achieve freedom from TMS pain.
Since you've begun the SEP, I would suggest you stick with it. If it doesn't bring you relief, then try Gordon's program.
Here is a post on how the SEP helped one of our community.

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP


Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely read Healing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with a TMS doctor because it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

Thanks Walt. I read the story from your previous post.
I did my first day of journaling this morning and it was very emotional. I worked with an issue that I believe brought on my pain 6 years ago. It was draining to feel all that emotion and fear again. Then I read the suggested text for day 5 about "prioritize yourself" which I have a tough time doing. I definitely need to focus on that more. At times I feel like I love other people (namely my children) more than myself. I would do anything in the world for them, but not for me. I know it's a process so it takes time. I will get there.