Today, has been really bad for pain. I started a new job, but it’s a remote position, so I do work from home, which is a double-edged sword. I started on Monday, and had some pain. I had more yesterday, but was able to get it to calm down; but today, has been so bad. I guess Alan says this is an extinction burst {gets worse before getting better} but this has been very painful.
I have not had back spasms this bad for years. I had to cancel my therapy session today because of it. Last week, we uncovered some emotional stuff with a repressed memory. It wsn’t horrible, but we were going to explore more today. Alas, my brain is very much resisting this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel dejected, when I should feel resolute, frustrated, when I should feel hope, anger, when I should feel calm. I don’t want to lose this job too. {we are just replacing our whole HVAC system and need the funds}
I have only been on Lyrica for pain, and mainly just take Ibuprofen, but I am thiclose to just saying screw it and taking something. I have been doing TMS work for years and my brain just WIll. Not. Let. Go. I know there are other people in the same situation, and it’s very frustrating when the brain won’t cooperate or change. I thought a TMS therapist would help, but I don’t feel like Im’ getting anywhere and wasting my money. Maybe, it’s just time to accept that my brain doesn’t want to give up the ruse, and move on. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, and maybe I am one of those, as disheartening as that sounds.
You all have been incredibly helpful in the past and I wish you luck with your journey out of pain.