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Rant, plus need support

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Diana-M, Aug 16, 2025 at 3:06 PM.

  1. JohnDellatto

    JohnDellatto Well known member

    Everyones different. For me there was always doubt in my mind that I could try that "one other thing." I needed to exhaust all options so my belief that I had TMS would be higher.
     
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  2. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    I can see that.
     
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  3. Mala

    Mala Beloved Grand Eagle

    Dear @Diana-M. I understand your anger & sadness.

    Regarding your husband's meltdown, as others have pointed out, it's very difficult for a spouse to stand by watch us suffer & not be able to do anything. Maybe he feels helpless, frustrated & suggesting to go see another doctor or specialist feels like he has some control or input in helping you move forward.

    You said he had a TMS cure himself & has been successful using the ideas of TMS to heal & perhaps that's why he doesn't understand why you are not better yourself given that it's been so long.

    'I know it won’t help me to get the incurable diagnosis. I believe I have TMS without it.'

    Forgive me when I say this but if you truly believe that you have TMS then you must also believe that there is nothing wrong with you physically. That is the first & most important premise of TMS. It’s paramount to believe utterly that your pain is not being caused by any physical abnormality & that you are not damaged. If you can't accept that, then you are in conflict. If you are in conflict then your brain will not believe you & keep you locked in pain.

    I understand that baby steps are important, I also understand that you need to feel safe. I also think that that the forum has become a source of comfort for you where you share so much of yourself & help others with many wonderful insights. You seem to have the knowledge, understand the Mind Body connection, you are soothing yourself, you are doing a lot of digging into your past.

    But......... do you truly trust & believe in your body to recover? To me its seems you are very fearful of your pain, of movement & its that fear that is holding you back from in engaging normal activity.


    All the best
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2025 at 4:04 AM
  4. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    Mala,
    Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind response. You are right that my husband suffers so much watching me go through this—rather experiencing it with me. And yes, he feels helpless that he can’t do anything. Just like a lot of people I see on the forum, he wants to find a quicker way or another way. Luckily he rarely feels this way. But it’s hard when he does.
    Funny, you should say this—my husband also says this. My fear has to do with balance. I don’t have balance. So I’m extra careful in all my movements. My body clamps down tight. All my muscles go tight if I try to do something. So it’s not a matter of just fighting through pain. I have a really high pain threshold. It’s fear of falling at the bottom of it. And my left hand doesn’t work very well. So it’s frustrating to tie my shoes, for example. Over the past year, I’ve learned a lot about accepting my body the way it is, and that makes things easier to do. Because instead of feeling sorry for myself, I just accept my hand and I do whatever I can.

    I wish somebody who totally embraces Sarno— I know you’re one of them and also @Baseball65 — would give me advice for a situation that is not at all a typical Sarno pain situation. He says resume normal activity. I would love to make cookies, in a normal way, for example—but I can’t stand up, balance, hold the bowl with my left hand while I stir with my right. I have to take it to the table and sit down. And then when I do things the next day, it’s possible that my body will cramp up so badly that I can’t even walk.

    I mean it seriously when I say— what does fighting through the pain look like for someone like me, who can’t walk without assistance? It’s so much more than pain—-for lack of a better word, it’s just plain weird. It’s weird and hard. My legs are spasmodic. My foot is tilted. I don’t really have good control of my body.

    I would love suggestions from anybody and would love even some success stories—if anybody has any—of ways they resumed “normal activities” with weird symptoms. These are symptoms that are hard to describe. Most people have never felt them, so they don’t relate to them. I genuinely want advice. What is facing the fear for me? Doing the dishes is really hard, and I do that. And chair yoga. Lately, I’ve started doing squats. I try to cook little things. I could do more of that. I noticed I’m getting stronger at standing longer, little by little.
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2025 at 11:11 AM
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  5. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    I have written this before but I'll pull out this little Important piece.

    I had been conditioned by the pain and the pain industry to do THEIR workouts. It occurred to me while I was still in pain WALKING around the track that I never did that until The pain came....I RAN around that track and I RODE my bike around the track, but I had never walked.
    When that insight came to me I SPRINTED across the grass... I needed back braces and canes and a whole lot of other shit just to walk, so I definitely wasn't 'functional'. I wobbled all over the place. Barely kept my balance....but I was NOT in worse pain like I was told I'd be.
    I didn't keep running once I knew I could...I got out my BIKE and started riding, like I used to do by choice, It was the SHOCK of running that started my whole recovery. I knew the book backwards and forwards having read it continuously for days, but it was the ACTION and a DRASTIC one that sent the message to my unconscious that I wasn't gonna play with it anymore.

    You don't need to ease into making cookies...ya need to go and do something way way 'harder' than that...then making cookies will seem ridiculously easy. All of these Non Sarno people have snuck all of these Non-Sarno 'take it easy' crap into recovery. Sarno was crystal clear...if you are not free from pain and fear of activity, you're not recovered. Be recovered. Stop making cookies...deep down you probably might not even want to..it's for other people...that sort of crap is what Causes TMS.
     
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  6. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    This made me laugh. :)
    Hmmm. Ok. I get the picture! Thank you!
     
  7. Mr Hip Guy

    Mr Hip Guy Well known member

    Something to remember is that even for most of us, practicing and believing TMS is HARD. Most of us forget what we learned, have inner doubt, subconscious doubt, CONSCIOUS doubt - all of these things that make us susceptible for flare ups, relapses, or being "tricked" by new symptoms our TMS brains attempt to catch us off guard. I know we have some real masters on this forum, but I am not there yet and I bet most of you aren't either.

    Now, having said all of that, think about all of the people we interact with - our spouses, family, acquaintences etc. Do you really think any of them get it? They may have nodded their head when you shared your ideas before, they may have been sympathetic or even empathetic - or maybe even lied to your face that they believed what you were saying. But in no way are they even close to the limited TMS knowledge you yourself have.

    So cut them some slack. Take their comments for what they are worth.
     
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  8. Sita

    Sita Beloved Grand Eagle

    Some people are creative and they like making cookies, experimenting etc. OK? Ha ha.

    Yes, listen to this guy Baseball, he's right!
     
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  9. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Here's one of mine:

    I had a TMS relapse a couple of years ago where when I bent over, I would collapse in pain. (My neighbor found me laying in my yard one day and had to help me up.) I told myself this was "my back going out"--it is a phrase that permeates our culture. I walked around with a cane and fear of collapsing. Then I remembered Sarno and Schubiner saying that backs don't go out unless you've been damaged by a serious injury. So I knew that I had a false belief and I kept telling myself the truth--that there is nothing wrong with my back. I then challenged it over and over. I bent over as many times as I could fit in practically in a day. At first there was pain, but I didn't collapse, because collapsing was a belief that the pain was a real signal of something wrong with my back. Eventually there was no pain and all symptoms disappeared.
     
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  10. Diana-M

    Diana-M Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great story, @Ellen! This could relate to me believing I can’t walk. Maybe if I believe I can, my legs will loosen up and I can!
     

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