• Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
  • Welcome to the new TMS Wiki server! Things aren't finished yet: email is not set up, so notification and password-reset emails don't go out, and new registrations are paused until email is installed. Details and updates are in this thread (click here). Locked out? Email tmswikisignups@gmail.com from the address where you receive TMS Wiki notifications.

Quote about Perfectionism from Eric Sherman

Forest

Beloved Grand Eagle
Eric Sherman said:
Perfectionism has all the characteristics that immature cognition can recognize and grab hold of. Perfectionism is undifferentiated; that is, it is all or nothing. Perfectionism does not take into account anyone else’s perspective. By its very nature, perfectionism is devoid of perspective. Perfectionism actually disintegrates when perspective can be achieved."

--Eric Sherman, Pathways to Pain Relief

"So you are telling me I lack perspective."

That was pretty much my initial reaction to reading this, but after sitting on it for awhile, I saw so much truth in it. When we are at our most perfectionistic, we tend to think in terms of extremes. There are only two options having it done perfectly or having something be a massive failure. Everything we do is either do or die, black or white. There is no middle ground or grey, because we simply lack the perspective to see all of the other possibilities.

The good news, as Dr. Sherman points out, once we gain perspective the power this personality trait has on us fades away.
 
Perfectionism has a lot in common with 'victory or death'. All or nothing, no room for compromise or shades of gray.
 
Gray.....YUCK! It's nice for animals or rocks, but not for life. The perspective lacking I can totally relate to and I find that my perfectionism is loosening it's grasp as I open my eyes a little wider. I am definitely guilty of not having much before - for me it translates into impulsiveness.
 
What do you mean by perspective? And how can it be achieved?

I view perspective as seeing all of the potential options. I know that when I am at my most perfectionistic the only options available are, as MorComm stated, either "victory or death." Essentially, its feeling like if something is not done absolutely perfect in every possible way, then it is a complete and utter failure. It is thinking like Ricky Bobby, "If you ain't first, you're last." Of course our fear if something is perfect, or if we are not first, is that people will think we are worthless and reject both our work and ourselves. This is acting with a lack of perspective as we see no other possible reactions, like you can't finish a race in 2nd, 3rd, or 4th place.

In terms of gaining perspective, that is a good question. I know there are a lot of times I have difficulty with it. Does anyone have any suggestions on this?
 
Many years ago I had a friend in Colorado whose motto was: "If you're not the best, you're the worst".

Only problem is that he's dead now. Keep all your options open as long as possible!
 
Well, I found the YouTube clip from Talladega Nights where Ricky Bobby's dad says the "if you ain't first, you're last" quote the first time:


While there may have been plenty of buffoonery in that movie, I think the writers were pretty perceptive. From the way that Ricky Bobby is drawing the victory flag on his desk at the beginning of the clip, we can see the tremendous impact that parents can have on us and how much damage it can do to us when we are neglected. Parental neglect is a huge factor in a great deal of TMS.

Later on, the 10 years of neglect by his father comes home to roost in a dysfunctional way of dealing with the world when he has to confront his first failure. His first crash as a race car driver is too overwhelming for him to handle, so his unconscious mind creates a TMS equivalent to distract him from the pain of his perceived failure. (I'm only half joking here. This is actually in the movie,to some degree.) It isn't TMS itself, but rather what Dr. Sarno calls a hysterical disorder in The Divided Mind:
By far the most important psychogenic categories are the fourth and fifth groups, hysterical disorders and psychosomatic disorders. Hysterical disorders are mostly of historical interest, although the psychology of both is identical. My experience has been primarily with psychosomatic disorders.

The symptoms of hysterical disorders are often quite bizarre. The patient may experience a wide variety of highly debilitating maladies, including muscle weakness or paralysis, feelings of numbness or tingling, total absence of sensation, blindness, inability to use their vocal cords, and many others, all without any physical abnormalities in the body to account for such symptoms.

It is clear from the nature of hysterical symptoms that their origin is indeed “all in the head,” to take a pejorative phrase commonly used to refer to psychosomatic symptoms. The absence of any physical change to the body indicates that the symptoms are generated by powerful emotions in the brain. Just where in the brain, no one can say for sure. One medical authority, Dr. Antonio R. Damasio, has suggested that these emotion-generating centers are located in the hypothalamus, amygdala, basal forebrain, and brain stem. The patients perceive symptoms as though they were originating in the body when the appropriate brain cells are stimulated. These symptoms often have a very strange and unreal quality about them. One of the nineteenth-century pioneers of psychiatry, Josef Breuer, likened them to hallucinations.
MorComm knows all about these from reading From Paralysis to Fatigue, but I couldn't bear to make it all of the way through that tome. ;)

Anyway, the way it plays out in the movie is that Ricky Bobby gets in a crash and then thinks that he is paralyzed. He actually isn't paralyzed, but he doesn't know this. It's actually, as Dr. Sarno characterizes hysterical disorders, (but not TMS, which is psychophysiological, meaning that it involves both the psyche and the physiology), "all in his head." The way he finds this out always cracks me up: (he's talking about his wife at the beginning)

I can't believe I just did such a serious posts about Talladega Nights....​
 
And, no, Forest, I didn't get all the way through Edward Shorter's From Paralysis to Fatigue. Only about half-way and the conclusion about modern complaints. It was too dense, even for my hyper-vigilant, perfectionist, over-achieving traits. Shorter's syntax is so mid-Victorian, like a history of Mesopotamia penned at Oxford U. in the 1850s!
 
LOL, well I can't blame you. I hope to read it eventually, but I'm sure it will take a while.
 
Perfectionism has a lot in common with 'victory or death'. All or nothing, no room for compromise or shades of gray.


I keep coming across great threads on this forum. I didn't identify so much with the perfectionism until I began reading more. I am quite a lazy person in ways but I think its due to all or nothing thinking.
When I first had back pain I put my athletic career on ice until such time as i was 100% fit and able to give the absolute best of myself. haven't played much sport since then.

I agree that parental neglect is a huge aspect and Jonice Webb has an interesting book on Childhood Emotional Neglect.
personally, I think its about forgiveness. if your parent neglected you it is likely because they themselves where neglected and never learned how to show love/compassion.
 
Parental neglect or abandonment is such a big cause of TMS pain. I agree that the solution is forgiveness.

There is a wonderful episode of the old tv series "Wings" about it, in season 2, episode 20, called "Mother Wore Stripes," 1991.
The two brothers, owners of a one-airplane transport business, were abandoned by their mother when they were boys.
She returns years later for forgiveness and the younger son does, but not the older son, until he finally relents.

It's free to watch on YouTube if you post asking about that episode by its title.

That's a very entertaining series about relationships. They often get a serious message across with a little humor.
 
Back
Top