Quick intro and questions

Hi everyone I am actually on Day 3 but I had improved prior to discovering TMS Wiki. I was traveling to Mexico and my friend passed me Sarno's book "Healing Back Pain". Needless to say I had my first incident with my back at around 21 doing manual labor. I went to the Chiropractor received treatment and I really don't remember having any other problems until my late 20's. I have always been physical especially in Martial Arts (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu). I did this through my late 20's and stopped after my first child. It wasn't until I went to pick up my daughter one day who was almost 1 from a pack n play that I felt my lower back kinda give out. Needless to say I had to actually drive from Michigan to PA with a back in spasm. I could barely walk. That was when I was about 30. Ever since then I have been on again off again with back pain and incidents of what I was referring to as slipping a disc. Yes I got an MRI and it was verified that I had bulging discs. Now 8 years later I read his book on the plane ride home from Mexico and started to apply some of the principles he spoke about and I'm getting positive results. I have had constant nagging pain and fear for several years now and I still dread hurting myself. I know I need to get over this hump of Fear. I have been exercising and I'm getting small victories but I felt the pain returning the past 2 weeks more often. Please advise. I also thought that doing this structured program would help me so here I am. Oh yeah I'm about to go to Disney with my family and all I want to be is healthy and happy so I can enjoy them to my fullest

 

Welcome aboard the TMS love train JMR, sounds like you found the right place.

G'luck, keep reading and soaking in the TMS KNOWLEDGE PENICILLIN.

Cheers,
tt

 

Thanks Tennis Tom

 

Welcome JMR. You mentioned the onset of back pain when your daughter was not yet one. There are numerous threads on the forum about parenthood and TMS. It seems like the little buggers make excellent TMS triggers. I have three kids, who I love to death, but I had a major TMS problem within a year of each one's birth. Parenthood can be a big stressor even in the best of times.

 

Thanks it is hard to believe that someone you love so much could be a trigger to the symptoms. I have two girls 7 and 4 and I find that when I yell at them my back begins to get irritated. Does anything like that happen to anyone?

 

Nicole Sachs, author of the TMS book, "The Meaning of Truth", writes much about her TMS love/hate relationship with her children (she has five) in her book. There will be a Tuesday night Fuse meeting on the topic coming up in the future.

 

Parenthood is beautiful and stressful at every stage. I have two sons, 18 and 21. The oldest will be a senior in college this year, the youngest a freshman. I am a single parent. After next week I will be alone. I have been anticipating this all summer and symptoms kept moving around and getting worse. My ex, their father, keeps telling me not to show them how sad I am, that it will make them feel guilty for leaving. This is the same message I always got from my parents, you are expected to be "okay" all the time, your emotions are not acceptable.
I am trying to balance sharing with my sons that I am proud of their growth and accomplishments and that I will miss them because I love them and care about them so much.
My sacrum and my knee are very painful today and the past several days.
I am keeping up with the SEP and trying to just go about my business despite the discomfort. I know it's related to the "empty nest". Knowing that doesn't seem to be enough. The pain REMINDS ME every day of being alone soon. By this time next week both boys will be away. Just trying to be with it and get through it.

 

angelic, you might find these thoughts helpful, from Meredith Gordon:

“Before I had kids, my dream vacation involved the hubs and me swimming and exploring some tropical location or taking in every nook and cranny of a new city. But now that I’m the wife of one and mother of two, my dream vacation involves me going to a hotel down the street from my house, putting on a white robe and not moving for three or four days while I alternate between watching television and reruns of chick flicks, and in that dream, I’m alone. And by alone, I mean no kids, no husband — nobody but me.

“The thought of doing anything on vacation that involves moving more than the finger that controls the remote doesn’t seem like a vacation anymore. That’s because life as a mom is busy. And by busy, I mean exhausting. Sure, you love your family, but the one thing life as a mom lacks is real downtime.

“And if you’re like me, the opportunity to take three or four days off and go somewhere totally solo is probably not going to happen anytime soon. Being a mom is the one job that doesn’t come with a vacation package. (I’ve been trying all year to sneak away from the family for a few days, and my vacation days have not been approved.)

“So instead of waiting for the perfect moment to take a few days off, I’m trying to inject a little mom-cation into my life until I can get a real and proper one.

Meredith Gordon may not have the stress or depression that Robin Williams had, but she knows how stressful it can be to be a mother. She offers a few “tricks” she says every mom can use “to inject a little vacation into her life.”

In need of some time off, too? Here are a few tricks every mom can use to inject a little vacation into her life:

Turn off the phone, close your eyes and relax.

1. Give Yourself a Morning off Every WeekAs soon as you become a mom, you say goodbye to weekends, so pick a day during the week that’s your day to recharge. Take every Friday morning off, for instance, and go to that yoga class you never have time for, or use those gift cards you’ve had since 1999 to hit the spa (just make sure they’re not expired, of course). A few hours off every week can do wonders, and you won’t even need to book an airline ticket.


2. Take a Full Day off Once a MonthIf you’re like me, the ticking clock of “what do I have to do next” is one of the hardest things about being a mom. So, once a month, set the kids up with an after-school playdate or ask the kid’s school if they can stay for extended care, and then take the entire day to catch up on fun.


And no, errands don’t count as fun.

3. Don't do Household Chores Every DayAs a mom, it’s hard to avoid the laundry pile or the mountain of dishes in the sink. That’s because, when ignored, household chores multiply. But taking a day off from the grocery store and the laundry can do wonders for making you feel like you’ve got time to finish that book or meander through a magazine. Sure, it’s not as fun as reading a magazine poolside in Cabo, but it’s still fun.


4. Get PrettyIt’s hard to justify the time to get your hair done or get that manicure redone, but it’s really just an hour or two of your day. And since that mani/pedi may be the only time you sit down all week, go for it. You may even ask the esthetician to go slower just so you don’t have to get up.


5. Get Back in Bed!Once of the best things about vacations is the feeling of having nothing to do and nowhere to be. Sure, you’ve got to get up to take the kids to the bus stop or get them to school on time, but it doesn’t mean you can’t come back home and climb back in bed.


Turn off the phone, close your eyes and relax. Sometimes it feels like a vacation to be alone in your own house. And let’s face it: That never happens!

6. Take a Mom-cationAfter you’ve relaxed at home and tried to take a bit of time off from all those errands and chores, do schedule a real solo vacation for yourself. There’s nothing like a few days of calm and quiet to make any mom realize that the chaos and craziness of life at home is exactly what she loves.

 

Walt,
I love your optimism! I am getting tired of hearing myself complain. It's time to stop.
Through journaling yesterday I came to realize why this empty nest and breakup has been so painful. I asked myself, when do you first remember feeling this feeling? I realized it goes back to having emotionally distant parents, that I often felt lonely as a child.
Then I saw something online this morning, that language has given us the word loneliness to describe the pain of being alone. And language has given us the word solitude to describe the glory of being alone.
So it's all perspective and choosing from the thought - I am going to be alone - which leads to the emotion and/or physical symptom - and by changing one word in that thought completely changes the outcome.
My knee is 95% better this morning, praise God.
You have been so helpful.
Gratefully, Angel

 

Hi JMR,
I know it can be hard to reconcile, but for many of us, being a mom is in fact is a huge tms trigger. Before joining this forum, I thought I was alone on this, but as Tarala mentions there are many, many threads on the impact of parenting. I've read the Nicole sach book and it has been instrumental in my journey. It is helping me accept the whole gamut of feelings I experience without fear or judgement. It's a work in progress at this point for me, but I'm slowly making headway. I highly recommend the book.

For me, parenting is hard as a result of not having my own needs met as a child. My little guy - he's 12 now - is the sweetest kid, but boy can he be needy sometimes, or at least that's how it seems to me at certain times. A big part of the journey for me is learning to be nice to myself and to meet my own needs through journaling, relaxation exercises and connecting with people who are also on this kind of journey. Forgiving my mother for the past has also been an incredibly empowering experience for me. Hanging on to all that anger for so many years has been exhausting and has made my life so negative and more difficult than necessary. I see that now, but it has taken me years to figure it out. I'm even starting to suspect that it is a major cause for my tms.

Walt, I really like what you've posted about motherhood. Part of my process is learning to cut myself some slack and that article helps. It's fun and light-hearted, but contains valuable advice.

Angelic, you're giving me something to think about. Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed by all my mom responsibilities, I start looking forward to my boy growing up. But your post has made me realize that down the road will just be different, with its own challenges and pains. I'm also very happy your pain has dissipated. And I like your point about the difference between solitude and loneliness. Will keep it in mind.

Warm thoughts to you all
Blake

 

Blake,
I will be thinking of you as you visit your mother this weekend. Just breathe. Deep, deep belly breathes, let the negativity go with each out breathe. These things are never easy. Just breathe.
Angel