Day 9 Question - inner dialogue

[Lana C]

Hi everyone

Just finished up day 9. The question to ponder regarding self criticism brought up my own question. What do you say in your own head as the day goes on? I'm constantly chattering at myself, guilting myself, over eating too much as I'm trying to lose some pandemic weight, not working enough, not making enough money. It's a nasty habit and I don't know how to shift into a neutral or positive inner thought process.

Any advice or thoughts? Would love some input

 

[ssxl4000]

I struggle with this too . . . I think many people do. For me, it is not so much guilt as anger and depressive thoughts about various stressors in my life. The problem is that I often find myself thinking about these things even if they are not affecting my life at all at the moment. My best strategy at the moment is to journal on occasion to help vent some of those thoughts, while keeping myself busy with productive activities that keep my mind focused on the present. Sitting in the car my mind may wander, but when working, doing chores at home, or partaking in a hobby, usually I can focus on the activity instead. Keep up the good work!

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I highly recommend the book Soul Without Shame by Bryon Brown which explores in depth the self-critical voice inside and how to work with it.

I teach a method called "defends" which are explained in this book. First you have to identify the "attack." Might be "you're not lovable" or "you're lazy" etc. Once identified, you formulate a response. Essentially you grab your outrage at being treated as defective or less-than by the voice in your head and you dismiss this entity or voice with an expression like "I'm lovable enough for me, so f--k off!" three times loud. What you're doing is to break up the familiar dynamic/conversation with the Inner Critic. You're disrupting, not trying to convince or come out on top. Then, finally, you sense into your body to see what impacts are happening on your thoughts, feelings, sense of self. Often there is a sense of release, freedom, inner strength, or you may be aware of more "attacks."

You all might try this work and see if you like it. Importantly, this kind of work develops boundaries with others, and also with symptoms. It is easier to feel yourself, your center in relationship to the elements in your life. This I find almost without exception with clients. It gives strength for the journey.