KevinB
Well known member
Hey all,
Today has been a positive day. This past Friday I had something of a breakdown - it all just sorta finally hit me at once and I had some serious sobbing episodes off and on all day. Saturday I felt hungover and emotionally drained, Sunday I was a bit better, and today I felt good. I have to walk a decent amount to get to and from my job, probably like 2.5 miles total, R/T, and today was the first day I wasn't really scared. It still hurt, and I still had stop every so often to sort of "adjust", and still walk with a limp, but it just wasn't as big a deal today. So it's nice to to see some progress, not so much in a reduction of pain, but more in my attitude toward it - I guess I'm just being a bit more indifferent to it. Friday's breakdown was a bit scary, I felt like there was something "wrong" with me because I hadn't cried like that since I was a young boy.... but I finally just gave into it, I told myself I wasn't going to hold it back, that the painful and sad emotions that were coming out couldn't harm me and that it's OK for me to feel it, to cry, to shake, to just really let it out.... I noticed my male pride creeping in, but I was alone (kitties were there, trying to comfort me), so I just kept telling myself that it was OK to let it out. In retrospect, it was amazing - intense, but wonderful. I've felt very 'emotional' since, like the smallest things choke me up, so I think there is still work to do, but I'm willing and grateful to be taking some time to work on myself, to cultivate (trying to at least) self love, acceptance, and an inner soother/protector. Man, I swear I was born without those things, and somehow I just didn't develop them along the way... but luckily it seems that it's never too late to start working on those things.
That's it for now. Blessings.
Kevin
Today has been a positive day. This past Friday I had something of a breakdown - it all just sorta finally hit me at once and I had some serious sobbing episodes off and on all day. Saturday I felt hungover and emotionally drained, Sunday I was a bit better, and today I felt good. I have to walk a decent amount to get to and from my job, probably like 2.5 miles total, R/T, and today was the first day I wasn't really scared. It still hurt, and I still had stop every so often to sort of "adjust", and still walk with a limp, but it just wasn't as big a deal today. So it's nice to to see some progress, not so much in a reduction of pain, but more in my attitude toward it - I guess I'm just being a bit more indifferent to it. Friday's breakdown was a bit scary, I felt like there was something "wrong" with me because I hadn't cried like that since I was a young boy.... but I finally just gave into it, I told myself I wasn't going to hold it back, that the painful and sad emotions that were coming out couldn't harm me and that it's OK for me to feel it, to cry, to shake, to just really let it out.... I noticed my male pride creeping in, but I was alone (kitties were there, trying to comfort me), so I just kept telling myself that it was OK to let it out. In retrospect, it was amazing - intense, but wonderful. I've felt very 'emotional' since, like the smallest things choke me up, so I think there is still work to do, but I'm willing and grateful to be taking some time to work on myself, to cultivate (trying to at least) self love, acceptance, and an inner soother/protector. Man, I swear I was born without those things, and somehow I just didn't develop them along the way... but luckily it seems that it's never too late to start working on those things.
That's it for now. Blessings.
Kevin
