Postpartum sending me in a loophole

[Ludmilla]

I haven't posted here for a while, as I have been busy being pregnant and delivering a healthy, beautiful baby girl in April . Labor went quite well, although I ended up with a 2nd grade perineal tear (the most common kind) that had to be restitched a week after because of an infection (ouch).

I was feeling quite good except from tenderness on my tear and some weird, dull pain around my clitoris and in my lower belly.

Here in France we automatically get referred to pelvic floor PT 6 weeks after birth. I was really distressed to learn that I have a 1st grade bladder prolapse and diastasis recti. My PT made me do Kegels and I started getting pain all over my groin.

Fast forward last week, she checks manually and realizes I've been essentially contracting all the wrong muscles and giving myself... pudendal neuralgia, yay !

I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't exercise, even just walking long distance, because of the prolapse. I have urinary urgency as soon as I'm on my feet. My groin is constantly sore and painful. I haven't peed myself yet but am on the brink of it every time I sneeze, laugh...

I never thought I would say this but I miss my old TMS symptoms (vulvodynia,knee pain). I know I have a tense pelvic floor (confirmed by my PT) due to anxiety. But I'm forbidden to do the things that used to alleviate it, namely hiking and climbing, which I miss so, so much. I'm terrified to never be able to exercise again like before, to always fear getting incontinence or prolapse.

I can't even Sarno my way out of this and just go on with my life because there is definitely à True physical component here and I have to do all thèse PT.stretches and exercises that keep sending me into à loophole. I'm back to psychotherapy because my anxiety is so high. And I keep comparing myself to these other women Who are getting back to running and climbing with no issue. I want to cry just typing this.

Is there any woman here Who dealt with such issues postpartum ? I'm particularly demoralized by the pudendal neuralgia, I know it's considère TMS but it really looks like I've hurt myself with these damned Kegels.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Gosh @Ludmilla - Congratulations on your new daughter, that's terrific news!

I'm happy for that news, but I'm so sorry about your setback. I have no maternal experience to offer you, but from a TMS perspective, the best thing I think I can say is to please, just view this as what it is, which is that it's a setback. We all have them, and they can and do pass when you have your kit of TMS tools, as I know you do.

Here's a question to ponder: can you give yourself a break? After all, your body has just been through some serious trauma, which is widely recognized as one of the most rigorous, if not dangerous, physical ordeals that most women will ever experience in their lives. This includes a months-long build up of weird-ass physiological and chemical changes followed by actual physical trauma - etc etc etc.

Am I right?

So look, give yourself more time! Give yourself a break! Lower your expectations and try to examine and eliminate the pressures that you are putting on yourself. And, as always, don't compare yourself to others! Remind your fearful negative brain that everyone is different and that you will recover in your own time.

It occurs to me, in the context of the TMS brain mechanism, that the fear aspect must go into overdrive when you bring a child into the world. That negative bias that our brains naturally contain must be even more negative when we are suddenly responsible for this helpless representative of the next generation. In a sense, it still goes back to that whole survival thing, and the need for biological organisms to keep going. From that point of view, your fear and negativity are perfectly normal, but, as I'm wondering, perhaps heightened after birth, and of course not helped by your personal bias towards TMS symptoms. Just something to consider.

In any case, I wish you much joy, and much less emotional distress, as you enjoy your daughter. All the best and love to you both.

~Jan

 

[Ludmilla]

Thank you Jan ! This helps a lot. I feel à lot calmer since my first message, but the pudendal neuralgia is still driving me crazy. I'll be 3 months postpartum this Thursday, I've decided to wait and see where I'll be at 6 months pp.