Positivity issues

[jula]

Hello! I have question - is there anyone having trouble with positivity? I know I am a negative person, I don’t like it and would like to change that. No matter what happens in my life instead of being happy I disregard all the positivity and always look on the dark side. For example when I was a student I was very good, one of the best ones in the English course. I got A after A and I would never be happy or congratulate myself on it, I would think it was sort of a given. But when I got a B, then I would be angry/ashamed with myself.

It’s just one example but there were many similar ones in my life. It’s as if almost nothing brings me pleasure. I always imagine how great something should be and when real life happens and it’s not as good as I imagined - I am disappointed. My mindset is a big roadblock. Another example - we are going cycling, I imagine how great it will make me feel, how relaxed I will be, when in reality I either cannot stop obsessing about something which makes me not present during the ride and therefore not relaxed or I focus on the fact that there is too much sand on the road and I become tired earlier than I thought, etc. Or I go to a party with high expectations but either I don’t like the food or I am bored and bam - bad mood and disappointment. Everything in my life is like this!

Nothing is ever good enough. Any tips how to work on it? I feel it’s a huge component of my TMS.

 

[BloodMoon]

I can definitely identify with you say about yourself. I fairly recently bought two books by the same author, Courtney Ackerman, i.e. "My Pocket Gratitude: Anytime Exercises for Awareness, Appreciation, and Joy" https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pocket-Gra...words=courtney+ackerman&qid=1590481628&sr=8-3 and "My Pocket Positivity: Anytime Exercises That Boost Optimism, Confidence, and Possibility" https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pocket-Pos...words=courtney+ackerman&qid=1590481628&sr=8-1. I'm dipping into them on a daily basis and picking out the exercises that appeal to me. As I've only just started doing this I can't attest to achieving any permanent improvement, but I can already detect some small changes in my attitudes. Anyway, just thought I'd mention them - perhaps take a peek inside them on amazon and see what you think . Best wishes, BloodMoon

 

[jula]

Cool, thanks for the advice and sources. Good to know I am not the only one like this

 

[JohnP79]

Keep in mind that negativity could be indicative of the fact that you are subconsciously angry. I was putting a ton of pressure on myself trying to always "be positive" but as I recognize and acknowledge the things that piss me off, the positivity seems to shine through without me thinking about it.

 

[PainNoMore]

Keep in mind that negativity could be indicative of the fact that you are subconsciously angry. I was putting a ton of pressure on myself trying to always "be positive" but as I recognize and acknowledge the things that piss me off, the positivity seems to shine through without me thinking about it.

good point. i think it's very helpful and important to get into a habit of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. but sometimes you need to feel those negative feelings....while letting yourself know that it's ok to feel those feelings...that you're not in danger.

 

[jula]

Thanks, interesting point. I know I shouldn’t force myself to be happy all the time but I would love to be at least a bit more positive because I often don’t appreciate or even see good things in my life.

 

[Sita]

Hi,

I think that this technique will help you.
https://www.rickhanson.net/take-in-the-good/

All the best.

 

[JohnP79]

Thanks, interesting point. I know I shouldn’t force myself to be happy all the time but I would love to be at least a bit more positive because I often don’t appreciate or even see good things in my life.

Certainly nothing wrong with that, just don't stress it too much. You'll heal and then suddenly appreciate more things in your life.

 

[Indiana]

Hi
I can very well identify with your issues. For a long time i thought that positive people were probably more likeable but we have qualities too and f.eks. i find myself often more realistic than my (positive) husband. It is not easy to change your personality and if we are not the happy go lucky kind of person so What? As My mother was a negative anxious person who rarely gave any praise it is maybe not so strange that i became i bit of a pessimist.
What has helped me is being thankfull for the small everyday things (could be good Health, a job, a good famile, compare yourself with people who have less) and not expecting too much i.e. if an event not turned out as imagined just let it go and not dwell on it. Also give yourself some credit for your achievements sometimes. They are not nothing. It may also have something to do with wanting to be a perfectionist (TMS Personality).
If things are not perfect we cannot see any good in them but we must consciously try to appreciate ourselves as we are as well as our (imperfect) surroundings. Sometimes easier said than done.
All the best!