Saoirse
Peer Supporter
Yep in all honesty its more my attitute and my mind that seems to be drastically changing. Lat night I was in so much pain I started to have a panic attack at about 2am and my head was splitting all day. I felt cornered and highly emotionally sensitive very anxious. I had a rather upsetting and heated conversation with someone who was being very disrespectful of my religion on purpose baiting me i felt earlier in the day. I am Catholic and very passionate but private about my beliefs and while I see and do not agree with all the dogma of my religion and I understand why some people have problems with it here in Ireland my sister being one ; I don't like out and out muck throwing and anyone telling me" I am on drugs if I believe there is a place we go called heaven where we are all so happy ". I tried to get her to just let it go as religion is a bad subject for conversation with a lot of people but she just shh'ed me so I got very uptight and annoyed and "shared " my views and it was all too much for me afterwards, I was shaking and upset. Ergo at 2am I was up to high doe and the pain went through the roof, I normally would take Xanax when the pain makes me that upset that much , you know your bowels turn to water and your literally on the loo. But I do mindfulness and I slowed down my breathing and spoke kindly to myself , telling myself I was safe , I was ok and that the pain was my emotions venting. It took about 20 minutes but it worked and I was actually sure for the first time it would , I did not take Xanax and trusted in the process of TMS and thats big for me. So I am positive for the first time in years although I am in pain I am stopping myself form just taking the breakthrough painkillers for the first time and trying to reduce it myself by focusing on whats going on emotionally not physically .I guess I feel I am taking control for the first time in many years and it feels good.
