Day 36 Ponder - Things I can't Control

[ssxl4000]

I can't control how others interact with my 4.5 year old daughter...and it drives me NUTS! She has special needs, which only amplifies my need to go above and beyond for her. To do lots and lots to help her overcome her disabilities so she can live a happy and fulfilled life. I feel like my wife and I have a good system in regards to how we take care of her. Problem is, so many people, particularly some family members, seem to sabotage our work. I hate it. I have a sister-in-law that constantly talks about how she is fat and needs to diet (she is really skinny and fit). I have a mother-in-law that always wants to give sugary treats and presents (my daughter has disorder that causes dental issues and an increased risk of obesity among other things). I have a brother who's sexist. We try so hard to surround her in an environment that encourages positive self-esteem, low pressure, non-materialism, healthy habits, etc. Why does everybody have to challenge it! It's so annoying! Even after we tell them to stop, they still do it.

I know I'm a perfectionist and hate people messing with my "system." I know I can't control a lot of my daughter's life, which makes me put more emphasis on the things that at this age I can control (aka, her food choices). I am afraid I guess that if she ends up having bad eating habits etc. when she is older, I will feel like a miserable failure.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I know I'm a perfectionist and hate people messing with my "system." I know I can't control a lot of my daughter's life, which makes me put more emphasis on the things that at this age I can control (aka, her food choices). I am afraid I guess that if she ends up having bad eating habits etc. when she is older, I will feel like a miserable failure.

I love how you're owning all this as yours. It is this level of taking responsibility, self-awareness, and connecting this to how this creates inner tension that is at the heart of "thinking psychologically." Congratulations on your insights, and I hope that you can see all this lovingly, as the normal pressures we experience in our lives. And to the degree you can, I hope you can let go of self-judgement. When this is not possible, you can still connect this to symptoms, which is itself effective treatment.