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Please help me understand my conditions

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by osca aelius, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. osca aelius

    osca aelius Peer Supporter

    Hello, im wilson, i think i will tell a story about my conditions and it will be very long. I'm sorry if it is hard to read it all, but i'm truly in desperate times in my life and need help.

    I'm 20 years old, at like 12 or 13 yo, i suffer from anxiety. I dont know at that time what im experiencing, but in a few years after that, i truly become devastated, anxious everyday, heart beating, fear of anything, classic anxiety symptoms. My family never support and understand about my conditions. They ever got me checked for my beating heart and the results is im perfectly fine, since then my parents just belittle me and said that i have nothing to stress or worry about. At that time im in living hell, but by googling about my conditions, i meet many people who suffer anxiety like me and read claire weekes method.

    Nevertheless, its still a living hell, but i got better, after years practicing to accept and not fear my conditions, i got better, and at like 18 years old, im back to myself and overcome anxiety. Although im still anxious from time to time, its not like in the past where i dont know why i feel like i do. I even share my anxiety recovery story on the forums, where people ask me how i recover, i feel like an anxiety expert :).

    Fast forward, at 19 yo, i have a relationship with a girl, and it end in only a month, it was such an unhealthy relationship. But still, before entering the relationship, im her best friend. The break up really hurted me. I fell into chronic anxious state. And at that time, i scratch my right ear with ear cleanser way too rough multiple times in order to clean my earwax.

    After a few days, while playing laptop, little ringing in my right ear come, i ignore it for a few seconds. Then suddenly worry about it, thinking the ringing means something, and then the ringing is present in both ears. i got panic, google about it and read many horror stories about tinnitus, people who cant function in life because of it, knowing there is no heal for tinnitus.

    I beg my parents to take me to ear specialist, to see if i seriously damaged my ear. The doctor said nothing serious is happening to my ear, its only a minor damage and told me not to clean my ears because it can self clean itself. After a few days, the damage is healed.

    But after the damage is healed, the tinnitus stays, on both ear.
    I panic and afraid my tinnitus will become worse. I live in fear for a month because of tinnitus. Long story short i practice to accept my tinnitus and no longer fear it.

    But suddenly something strange happened to me, i become hypochondria, little sensations in my body can cause me to fear i develop real illness. I felt like going crazy. And now here i am, discovering tms community. Currently i feel weird and keep overanalyzing about my body sensations. I recently cut my pubic hair because the feel of it irritate and cause anxiety to me. I keep asking myself, why does it bother me so much, in my past anxiety days, i dont even pay attention to my pubic hair. After cutting it, i also experience pain while sitting.

    Right now the biggest irritating symptoms is, my hair buttocks. It feels itchy and i feel burning sensations, sometimes it hurts while sitting and i keep asking myself should i cut my buttocks hair to get rid of it, or is it just TMS? I keep moving and adjusting my buttocks position while sitting because the buttocks hurts from what i suspect is caused by my buttocks hair. I also sometimes get anxious while using jeans and thinking that its way too tight, while in face its not too tight and its just my worry.

    But its all weird, in my past anxiety day, i wouldnt worry about my pubic hair, i wouldnt be anxious about wearing jeans, about my buttocks hair. Why now i feel bothered by every little benign body sensations? I need answer and want to know how to deal with this. Should i cut my buttocks hair that caused me pain or is it TMS? I have read the divided mind by sarno halfway, not finished, and feel like it made no sense repressed emotions can cause me to obsess about my buttocks hair.

    Right now i feel like crying and depressed, i used to be someone who give advice to people with anxiety and now i feel like im losing control and going crazy :(
  2. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Wilson,
    First I want to compliment you about the knowledge you already gained by reading Weekes and Sarno. Don't feel bad about being an advisor that is now in need of help himself. You are only human!! Good teachers know what they are talking about because they experienced stuff themselves and sometimes still do. I give advice on this forum, but that doesn't mean I am not still occasionally suffering from bouts of TMS. TMS is the human condition, anyone claiming they are cured 100% don't fully understand the TMS concept. Beating TMS is about accepting this condition and knowing where to look (thinking psychological) and what to avoid (thinking physical) when you feel pain or discomfort.
    Your tinnitus sounds entirely TMS to me, especially because it is in both ears which really makes no sense at all. Just leave those ears alone, only clean the outside and don't enter the hearing canal. Earwax exist for a good reason so don't remove it. I have heard more than one story where people with ear problems (infections, hearing problems, etc.) got better simply by no longer cleaning the hearing canal.
    The obsession with your body hair maybe just another avenue TMS is taking you to distract you from your emotions. There might also be a deeper reason. You suffer from anxiety at the time that puberty started to hit. Your ancient brain may simply connect body hair to feeling anxious, so automatically it connects not having body hair to feeling happy. Whatever the reason may be, I advise you to stop cutting it and just accept (surf!) any sensations. The hard short hairs that remain may irritate your skin especially on the buttocks and in the groin region.
    Hope my rambling helps you, take care and believe in yourself.
    plum likes this.
  3. osca aelius

    osca aelius Peer Supporter

    Hello Gigalos, thank you for answering me. The thing is, i dont know such thing as tms and discover the tms community after obsessively googling about it right after the break up and developing tinnitus. The tinnitus is such a stressor when i first get it, but now it never bothers me and i truly accept it. Although i know great deal about anxiety, this tms thing is new for me and i dont know how to deal with it. Should i dig deeper into myself and researching for repressed emotions, or should i just accept the physical sensations? And talking about accepting sensations, oh my, while sitting the pubic hair cause hurt and i have to adjust my sitting position to deal with it :(

    Im new to this, i need guidance from people who have recovered ^^
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2017
  4. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Before you start digging or accepting, I feel you might gain a lot of insight about TMS when you start following the program by Alan Gordon on this forum. The link is at the top of the page.
    If you have any questions or thoughts, just post them here or in the threads that are linked to his program.

    Start reading and hang in there, this will pass!!
  5. Orion2012

    Orion2012 Well known member

    Tinnitus, the strange pubic hair pain, and anxiety are all forms of TMS. You beat anxiety, you will beat the other TMS symptoms too.

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