Pelvic Pain, Hip Pain, Toe Pain, Knee Pain

HealingMe

HealingMe

Beloved Grand Eagle
Hello everyone, I’m new to the forum and new to TMS, however in a sense I feel like I’ve unknowingly been using some of the TMS mindset throughout my life dealing with a reoccurring flare of pain. However, I’m doubting it. Does any of this below sound like TMS? I need your help.

I’ve always been anxious, even when I was a little girl. I worried about getting sick, or my mom dying. A lot of this worry and anxiety followed me as I grew up and became an adult. I’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, OCD throughout my whole life. I’ve always been a very introverted and quiet person. I’d be called the quiet one in class, always doing what I was told to do. Praised by teachers and also told to speak up a little more throughout my whole life. A people pleaser. Perfectionist to daily life. A tidy person that needed things done a certain way so I could “relax”. Never strayed from a strict workout regimen and diet. I felt like this was my way of controlling whatever I needed to control? I guess my mind and my emotions.

I’ve also always been an angry person, just never showed it. After reading Dr. Sarno’s book The MindBody Prescription, I realized the personality type fit me. I’ve had time to reflect. I realized throughout my life I’d repressed my emotions, or how I was truly feeling. I didn’t know at the time this was detrimental.

To be quite honest, I’m still questioning TMS after learning about it. I still have doubts. I recently had an injury 3 months ago. To be quite honest, I’ve been telling my doctors it came after a workout. But now I don’t even know anymore. There was no specific event that triggered the pain. I read about people who had an onset of pain immediately after lifting a weight in their arm. However, my pain came days after. It began in my lower back (I think), then began a deep burning sensation in my pelvic region. My hip flexor was tender and I couldn’t open up my leg. I was terrified to. Stretching hurt and flared the pain. I was frozen with fear that I had to take time off to rest and heal. My perfectionist was angry. I would lose control of my body, how I looked, how I felt. I was terrified. I brushed it off and continued to attempt to workout, but it made things worse and made the pain worse. It began burning. I had sciatica symptoms down my leg. Numbness, burning, aching. My knee would hurt with no injury. Then my toe began hurting. I was questioning my sanity and what I did to my body. My pelvic region would hurt. I had burning sensation when urinating. Climax would hurt. At this point I was spiraling. My right arm would get tingles. This was back in early December and the pain was worse in January.

I went to see an orthopedic specialist for hip pain. Because I couldn’t pinpoint where the pain originated. All I knew was that my hip was burning, along with my pelvis. I had an expensive MRI ordered. All clear for tendon, ligament, bony pathology. One thing that came up was an incidental finding of a fibroid. I saw my gynecologist and he assured me it was too tiny to even be a fibroid yet. Everything looked healthy with numerous scans. The orthopedist told me I had tendinitis even though the scan was clear. I went home however I wasn’t convinced. I had to dig deeper. See more doctors.

I was convinced the MRI missed something because my hip joint felt unstable. It was popping. I started researching about labral tears. The pain moved the next day to my back or my pelvis or my toe. I didn’t get it.

I scheduled an appointment with a general doctor. I described my symptoms. Even talking about the symptoms to him out loud just sounded insane to me. He ordered an abdominal CT and testing for autoimmune diseases. At this point I was severely depressed. I thought this was the end. I was catastrophizing that I would never recover from whatever this was and this would be my life. The abdominal CT came back and there was a finding for a mild pelvic congestion syndrome bilaterally. Once I found out about this report, I began having pain on my opposite side.

After reading Dr. Sarno’s book and learning about TMS, I don’t even know if this is what is causing my pain. Because the pain seems to be all over the place. At certain points in the afternoon the pain would completely go away. I didn’t understand why or what I did differently.

5 years ago I had the same pain occur in the same area except it didn’t go down my leg. I was young and I chalked it up and told myself that if it didn’t get better within a couple weeks I’d see a doctor. I went on my merry way, not thinking about it, ignoring the pain. It went away. Same thing occurred a couple years prior again. This has happened 3 times in my life.

Immediately after reading The MindBody prescription, I began journaling and talking to my pain. Assuring and thanking it for protecting me and telling it I am safe now. Weirdly enough when I held myself and talked to myself, the pain decreased. I find when I am engaged in an activity, the pain is gone. For example, talking with my husband or reading a book. When I’m at work and anxious, the pain comes back. If I don’t want to do something, like clean my bathroom, the pain lingers. I’ve begun really looking internally. I’ve had repressed anger and fear, oh my god, the constant fear of not getting better or losing control of my life and routine I’ve built! I’ve had past trauma from horrible jobs and childhood. I always hid it and never talked about it hoping it would go away.

This week, after reading the book, I exploded to my husband in tears. “I don’t want to worry anymore about how tidy I am, how things need to be a certain away! I don’t want to worry anymore how I look and if I’m skinny or what I eat! Please make it stop!” I didn’t know what took over me. My poor husband said “leave the worry to me, I will carry it”. That soothed me.

I started checking in once a day whenever the pain is there and soothing myself. A part of me is still doubtful! How do I know this is not linked with whatever is on the report? I don’t even want to see more doctors. More tests will open more issues. My mind is too fragile to handle anything else.
 
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First of all, welcome to the forum! I think you will find this community an incredibly comforting, enlightening place to offer support during your path to recovery. Your title sparked my interest because I am here too for pelvic pain. My pain is a little different (genital discomfort, sciatica, urinary urgency, fasiculations, tingling, burning, sharp shooting pains, etc.), but you'll soon find the exact symptoms are not very important. TMS may vary in it's expression, but the lessons remain the same.

There are many other folks on this forum I'm sure will give you their input that have healed and know far more about TMS than I do at this stage. That said, I've been doing the work for just over 6 months, though the first few months was primarily learning TMS and implementation of the tools has come later. I was in a very dark place a year ago, ridden with anxiety, depressed, SO AFRAID of my future (is this pain forever? what if it gets worse? what if no one finds out what is wrong with me?). I felt so alone. So hopeless. When I found TMS, hope began to return, then there was willingness to try to do the work, then there was belief, and now as I look back on recent months, I see true progress and relief! I've gone days, weeks, without symptoms. I still have flares because healing is not linear (remember that!), but I move through them quicker, my mental state suffers less, and I have longer periods where I feel mentally and physically good.

Your story sounds very much like it is TMS to me for these reasons...
  • You say the pain moves around - this is a big indication. Think about this logically. What type of physical/structural damage could result in that wide variety of symptoms at one time?
  • The pain comes and goes - a physical problem will not ebb and flow, and the same movements would ALWAYS cause pain. This does not have to be so with TMS.
  • You are a non-expressive, perfectionistic, and anxious personality type (I am too!)
  • Your visits to doctors have found nothing to clearly explain the pain and symptoms
  • You have fallen into quite a fixation with the pain, as our personality type would be likely to do, and this only serves to feed it.
I personally think you are in the right place and would recommend you start by learning all you can about TMS. Dr. Sarno's book was a great place to start. In addition to that there are programs on this site (Structured Educational Program and Pain Recovery Program) that provide a great introduction to the work. I also found early on, when struggling with my belief in TMS that developing a proof sheet helped a lot. A proof sheet is a list, on your phone or somewhere easily accessible, of all of the indications that your pain is TMS (pain comes and goes, pain moves around, started after a stressful event, gets worse when I'm worried, doctors confirm no problems, went away for a week, etc.).

Since I was reminded of myself when reading your post, I would also recommend reading Claire Weekes' book 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves' ... her focus is on anxiety and many people have attributed their success in overcoming their anxiety to her method. I'm trying to implement it now and struggling as my anxiety is so deeply engrained, but I'm determined to get there.

I also personally found Steve Ozanich's book 'The Great Pain Deception' to be most helpful.

You are in a place right now where you need to build your belief, and you can trust you will be able to get there by continuing to learn about this work. Best of luck to you! You will find what you need here.
 
Welcome to the forum @HealingMe, and good job picking a positive user name! That's a good start.

ARCUser831 said:
There are many other folks on this forum I'm sure will give you their input that have healed and know far more about TMS than I do at this stage.
Click to expand...
Yeah, no, I'm going to have to disagree with this statement. I'm 72 and been doing this for a number of years because I believe so strongly in this work, and spreading the word on the forum has become my hobby as it were. However, I don't have a single thing to add to @ARCUser831's advice. Or, I guess I can advise that you print out her response and read it again. And again. Perhaps once a day until it sinks in. It's right on.

ARCUser831 said:
you'll soon find the exact symptoms are not very important.
Click to expand...
Worth repeating, and knowing that this is the first thing we must all learn!

You are in the right place. You can do this.
 
ARCUser831 said:
First of all, welcome to the forum! I think you will find this community an incredibly comforting, enlightening place to offer support during your path to recovery. Your title sparked my interest because I am here too for pelvic pain. My pain is a little different (genital discomfort, sciatica, urinary urgency, fasiculations, tingling, burning, sharp shooting pains, etc.), but you'll soon find the exact symptoms are not very important. TMS may vary in it's expression, but the lessons remain the same.

There are many other folks on this forum I'm sure will give you their input that have healed and know far more about TMS than I do at this stage. That said, I've been doing the work for just over 6 months, though the first few months was primarily learning TMS and implementation of the tools has come later. I was in a very dark place a year ago, ridden with anxiety, depressed, SO AFRAID of my future (is this pain forever? what if it gets worse? what if no one finds out what is wrong with me?). I felt so alone. So hopeless. When I found TMS, hope began to return, then there was willingness to try to do the work, then there was belief, and now as I look back on recent months, I see true progress and relief! I've gone days, weeks, without symptoms. I still have flares because healing is not linear (remember that!), but I move through them quicker, my mental state suffers less, and I have longer periods where I feel mentally and physically good.

Your story sounds very much like it is TMS to me for these reasons...
  • You say the pain moves around - this is a big indication. Think about this logically. What type of physical/structural damage could result in that wide variety of symptoms at one time?
  • The pain comes and goes - a physical problem will not ebb and flow, and the same movements would ALWAYS cause pain. This does not have to be so with TMS.
  • You are a non-expressive, perfectionistic, and anxious personality type (I am too!)
  • Your visits to doctors have found nothing to clearly explain the pain and symptoms
  • You have fallen into quite a fixation with the pain, as our personality type would be likely to do, and this only serves to feed it.
I personally think you are in the right place and would recommend you start by learning all you can about TMS. Dr. Sarno's book was a great place to start. In addition to that there are programs on this site (Structured Educational Program and Pain Recovery Program) that provide a great introduction to the work. I also found early on, when struggling with my belief in TMS that developing a proof sheet helped a lot. A proof sheet is a list, on your phone or somewhere easily accessible, of all of the indications that your pain is TMS (pain comes and goes, pain moves around, started after a stressful event, gets worse when I'm worried, doctors confirm no problems, went away for a week, etc.).

Since I was reminded of myself when reading your post, I would also recommend reading Claire Weekes' book 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves' ... her focus is on anxiety and many people have attributed their success in overcoming their anxiety to her method. I'm trying to implement it now and struggling as my anxiety is so deeply engrained, but I'm determined to get there.

I also personally found Steve Ozanich's book 'The Great Pain Deception' to be most helpful.

You are in a place right now where you need to build your belief, and you can trust you will be able to get there by continuing to learn about this work. Best of luck to you! You will find what you need here.
Click to expand...

Thank you, thank you for hearing me and responding to me. At moments it feels like I’m all alone within my body and nobody understands what I’m going through. I feel unsafe in my body and so so scared. I feel comfort knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way and has this lost sense of hope at times. I feel optimistic things will get better.

Last night was particularly rough for me. My pain seemed to come back just as I was getting ready for sleep. It’s this muscular discomfort feeling in my abdomen, like a raw tissue or muscle that pulls whenever I moved. I’ve overstretched this muscle before but it always healed - why wouldn’t it have healed in the last 3 months? Why is this sticking around and comes back at weird times? None of it makes any sense to me. Then my bladder gets full and I have to go. But after I go it feels like I still need to go and it’s irritated. Is this manifestations of TMS and anxiety? I kept waking up during the night panicky like I was choking. I find whenever I don’t sleep well at night my mental state suffers. I get horrible anxious, dark thoughts. It makes me sick to even think about them.

My current fixation is the fact that I’m seeing the doctor about the finding on the report tomorrow. I’ve had anxiety about it all week. I’ve read about pelvic issues from other folks here. Some mentioned pelvic congestion syndrome is a catch all for pelvic pain, and a “slipped disk” of the pelvic area. I’m scared the doctor will move me along to another doctor to investigate further and I really deeply just don’t want to do this. I’ve had similar sensations years ago and it went away. People here have mentioned they had nerve decompression and it didn’t improve their symptoms or the pain moved elsewhere. Why is it different this time? Is it structural? I don’t know the meaning of structural pain. The pain is moving around. This morning I talked to my pain again and acknowledged it in my abdomen. It then moved to my foot toe and caused a burning stiff pain! I couldn’t believe it. What does this mean? Again all these CT scans, MRIs are opening up more issues. Do you have any thoughts about all this?

Throughout your TMS experience, have you checked in on your pain and whether it is going away? I’m constantly checking and when it’s still there I get disappointed. It’s like a constant loop of OCD. How do I learn to let go?

Thank you again for your suggestions and replying to me because it gets so tough. I will look into your suggested book from Claire Weekes and The Great Pain Deception. It sounds like I could use it. I’m just beginning to read The Divided Mind. I also started Alan’s program. This morning I listened to a recording of Alan speaking with a man and highlighted how tough the man has been on himself all his life, like a drill sergeant. And that really resonated with me because that’s exactly me. I could see myself in this man.
 
ARCUser831 said:
First of all, welcome to the forum! I think you will find this community an incredibly comforting, enlightening place to offer support during your path to recovery. Your title sparked my interest because I am here too for pelvic pain. My pain is a little different (genital discomfort, sciatica, urinary urgency, fasiculations, tingling, burning, sharp shooting pains, etc.), but you'll soon find the exact symptoms are not very important. TMS may vary in it's expression, but the lessons remain the same.

There are many other folks on this forum I'm sure will give you their input that have healed and know far more about TMS than I do at this stage. That said, I've been doing the work for just over 6 months, though the first few months was primarily learning TMS and implementation of the tools has come later. I was in a very dark place a year ago, ridden with anxiety, depressed, SO AFRAID of my future (is this pain forever? what if it gets worse? what if no one finds out what is wrong with me?). I felt so alone. So hopeless. When I found TMS, hope began to return, then there was willingness to try to do the work, then there was belief, and now as I look back on recent months, I see true progress and relief! I've gone days, weeks, without symptoms. I still have flares because healing is not linear (remember that!), but I move through them quicker, my mental state suffers less, and I have longer periods where I feel mentally and physically good.

Your story sounds very much like it is TMS to me for these reasons...
  • You say the pain moves around - this is a big indication. Think about this logically. What type of physical/structural damage could result in that wide variety of symptoms at one time?
  • The pain comes and goes - a physical problem will not ebb and flow, and the same movements would ALWAYS cause pain. This does not have to be so with TMS.
  • You are a non-expressive, perfectionistic, and anxious personality type (I am too!)
  • Your visits to doctors have found nothing to clearly explain the pain and symptoms
  • You have fallen into quite a fixation with the pain, as our personality type would be likely to do, and this only serves to feed it.
I personally think you are in the right place and would recommend you start by learning all you can about TMS. Dr. Sarno's book was a great place to start. In addition to that there are programs on this site (Structured Educational Program and Pain Recovery Program) that provide a great introduction to the work. I also found early on, when struggling with my belief in TMS that developing a proof sheet helped a lot. A proof sheet is a list, on your phone or somewhere easily accessible, of all of the indications that your pain is TMS (pain comes and goes, pain moves around, started after a stressful event, gets worse when I'm worried, doctors confirm no problems, went away for a week, etc.).

Since I was reminded of myself when reading your post, I would also recommend reading Claire Weekes' book 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves' ... her focus is on anxiety and many people have attributed their success in overcoming their anxiety to her method. I'm trying to implement it now and struggling as my anxiety is so deeply engrained, but I'm determined to get there.

I also personally found Steve Ozanich's book 'The Great Pain Deception' to be most helpful.

You are in a place right now where you need to build your belief, and you can trust you will be able to get there by continuing to learn about this work. Best of luck to you! You will find what you need here.
Click to expand...
JanAtheCPA said:
Welcome to the forum @HealingMe, and good job picking a positive user name! That's a good start.


Yeah, no, I'm going to have to disagree with this statement. I'm 72 and been doing this for a number of years because I believe so strongly in this work, and spreading the word on the forum has become my hobby as it were. However, I don't have a single thing to add to @ARCUser831's advice. Or, I guess I can advise that you print out her response and read it again. And again. Perhaps once a day until it sinks in. It's right on.


Worth repeating, and knowing that this is the first thing we must all learn!

You are in the right place. You can do this.
Click to expand...


Jan, thank you thank you. Before I joined here, I noticed you were a positive light on so many threads. Thank you for taking the time to respond on mine.
 
I am very happy to talk with you. I am grateful for the insight, advice, and encouragement I received when first posting here and hope you can find your way.

HealingMe said:
I feel unsafe in my body and so so scared.
Click to expand...

I felt this way for so long, and at times, briefly, that fear still comes over me, but I have the tools to calm down and recover a safer state of mind these days. As bad as the pain was for me at times, I began to see that the true suffering came from my anxiety about the pain. My worries about the future and my choices. The pain itself, absent any anxiety, was actually not unbearable. I knew the answer was to work through my fear-based response.

You will learn in Dr. Sarno's teachings that one of the most important things you can do it stop thinking physical, and start thinking "psychological" ... to me at it's base, this means to try as much and as often as you need to in a day to re-focus away from your physical symptoms. I know how hard this is. You've built a habit of checking in with your body constantly. Even when the pain ebbs, you fill that void with fear of it's return. You analyze it, try to understand it, google about it (and if you're like me probably convinced yourself of 10 different diagnoses over the course of months). All you need to understand is the pain only resembles physical damage, but it is not actually hurting you.

Notice how you focus on your pain. And keep in mind that the very purpose for the existence of TMS is to distract you from enduring what your unconscious believes is most dangerous - your repressed emotions. It is hard at first to believe that such convincing physical pain can be the result of emotional tension, but it helps to recognize that emotions are energy in our bodies. Unprocessed, that energy cannot be released. People widely accept that headaches, ulcers, frequent urination, and certain other conditions are rooted in stress. For me, knowing how acute anxiety feels was all the proof I needed. I have been so anxious that my legs literally felt like jelly, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I couldn't eat. What powerful physical sensations produced by my own worries!

In regards to going to your doctor, if you decide you want to commit to healing through TMS, even if your doctor recommends more tests or a specialist, you can hold off. You can try this. I've gone to the doctor multiple times on my journey, telling myself that it is for peace of mind. If a doctor were to diagnose me with pudendal neuralgia, pelvic inflammation syndrome, overactive bladder, none of those things would scare me because I know they have all been healed through TMS.

HealingMe said:
Throughout your TMS experience, have you checked in on your pain and whether it is going away? I’m constantly checking and when it’s still there I get disappointed. It’s like a constant loop of OCD. How do I learn to let go?
Click to expand...

In the hopes that it will provide you comfort, below is a quick outline of where I started vs. where I am today...

When the pain first came on, I had intense urinary urgency, severe localized genital pain/discomfort, pelvic and limb muscle twitches/fasciculations, sciatica symptoms (tingling and pain down my legs), sharp pelvic pains all popping up all over, sometimes pain during intercourse, burning and stinging in the genital area.

Today, I have frequent urination on and off. But it's never so bad as to disrupt my day or nights. Some days, I just go more. It is what it is and honestly not a big deal.
I also have mild genital discomfort on and off. It'll come on for a day or two and disappear for a week.

That's it...two kind of annoying but not unbearable symptoms. No sciatica, no fasciculations, no sharp pains, or other sensations.

But the most important thing to get across is that the beauty of TMS healing is not only that symptoms will reduce or go away entirely, but that before they even do you actually care LESS about them anyway. You stop feeling afraid of them. I never would've thought that would be true for me, but it is. I still have my bad days. But they don't last, and they're becoming fewer and further in between.

I body scanned constantly to assess my pain levels, it consumed my mind, my life. I stopped doing things I enjoy. I thought it might help to pass along some of the things I did that really, really helped me in the beginning...
  • Stop with any physical treatments (pills, creams, PT, stretching). Continuing those things communicates to your brain that the pain is physical. When I stopped trying to accommodate the pain, my life opened up because I was focusing on it less, and it DIDN'T get worse, it got better.
  • Discontinue avoidance behaviors. Lean into the things you are afraid to do. For example, even when I have to pee, I avoided going to the bathroom because I was afraid of feeling the fear and anxiety that would be triggered if I had bladder discomfort after going. I started just going when I needed to even if it felt "too soon". This teaches your brain that you are not afraid of the pain, it's purpose begins to diminish.
  • Learn, learn learn. I talked about this in my first post, but it is how you will begin to believe.
  • Find a method that works for you that can help you get closer to practicing acceptance. This could be the Claire Weekes method, meditation, journaling. People respond differently to different things. Essentially, it is critical to do the emotional work and work towards a state of acceptance.
  • Go easy on yourself, have self-compassion, and be patient...what you're doing is hard. I've found that it helps to talk to my "inner child" in the third person. When I'm being hard on myself, when I feel afraid, or like I'm failing. I speak to myself "It's okay honey, this is hard but you're on your way. It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You're safe and we'll get there."
Sorry for the long post. I just know how lonely and afraid I felt and I don't want others to feel how that felt if I can offer any comfort.
 
ARCUser831 said:
I am very happy to talk with you. I am grateful for the insight, advice, and encouragement I received when first posting here and hope you can find your way.



I felt this way for so long, and at times, briefly, that fear still comes over me, but I have the tools to calm down and recover a safer state of mind these days. As bad as the pain was for me at times, I began to see that the true suffering came from my anxiety about the pain. My worries about the future and my choices. The pain itself, absent any anxiety, was actually not unbearable. I knew the answer was to work through my fear-based response.

You will learn in Dr. Sarno's teachings that one of the most important things you can do it stop thinking physical, and start thinking "psychological" ... to me at it's base, this means to try as much and as often as you need to in a day to re-focus away from your physical symptoms. I know how hard this is. You've built a habit of checking in with your body constantly. Even when the pain ebbs, you fill that void with fear of it's return. You analyze it, try to understand it, google about it (and if you're like me probably convinced yourself of 10 different diagnoses over the course of months). All you need to understand is the pain only resembles physical damage, but it is not actually hurting you.

Notice how you focus on your pain. And keep in mind that the very purpose for the existence of TMS is to distract you from enduring what your unconscious believes is most dangerous - your repressed emotions. It is hard at first to believe that such convincing physical pain can be the result of emotional tension, but it helps to recognize that emotions are energy in our bodies. Unprocessed, that energy cannot be released. People widely accept that headaches, ulcers, frequent urination, and certain other conditions are rooted in stress. For me, knowing how acute anxiety feels was all the proof I needed. I have been so anxious that my legs literally felt like jelly, my heart was beating out of my chest, and I couldn't eat. What powerful physical sensations produced by my own worries!

In regards to going to your doctor, if you decide you want to commit to healing through TMS, even if your doctor recommends more tests or a specialist, you can hold off. You can try this. I've gone to the doctor multiple times on my journey, telling myself that it is for peace of mind. If a doctor were to diagnose me with pudendal neuralgia, pelvic inflammation syndrome, overactive bladder, none of those things would scare me because I know they have all been healed through TMS.



In the hopes that it will provide you comfort, below is a quick outline of where I started vs. where I am today...

When the pain first came on, I had intense urinary urgency, severe localized genital pain/discomfort, pelvic and limb muscle twitches/fasciculations, sciatica symptoms (tingling and pain down my legs), sharp pelvic pains all popping up all over, sometimes pain during intercourse, burning and stinging in the genital area.

Today, I have frequent urination on and off. But it's never so bad as to disrupt my day or nights. Some days, I just go more. It is what it is and honestly not a big deal.
I also have mild genital discomfort on and off. It'll come on for a day or two and disappear for a week.

That's it...two kind of annoying but not unbearable symptoms. No sciatica, no fasciculations, no sharp pains, or other sensations.

But the most important thing to get across is that the beauty of TMS healing is not only that symptoms will reduce or go away entirely, but that before they even do you actually care LESS about them anyway. You stop feeling afraid of them. I never would've thought that would be true for me, but it is. I still have my bad days. But they don't last, and they're becoming fewer and further in between.

I body scanned constantly to assess my pain levels, it consumed my mind, my life. I stopped doing things I enjoy. I thought it might help to pass along some of the things I did that really, really helped me in the beginning...
  • Stop with any physical treatments (pills, creams, PT, stretching). Continuing those things communicates to your brain that the pain is physical. When I stopped trying to accommodate the pain, my life opened up because I was focusing on it less, and it DIDN'T get worse, it got better.
  • Discontinue avoidance behaviors. Lean into the things you are afraid to do. For example, even when I have to pee, I avoided going to the bathroom because I was afraid of feeling the fear and anxiety that would be triggered if I had bladder discomfort after going. I started just going when I needed to even if it felt "too soon". This teaches your brain that you are not afraid of the pain, it's purpose begins to diminish.
  • Learn, learn learn. I talked about this in my first post, but it is how you will begin to believe.
  • Find a method that works for you that can help you get closer to practicing acceptance. This could be the Claire Weekes method, meditation, journaling. People respond differently to different things. Essentially, it is critical to do the emotional work and work towards a state of acceptance.
  • Go easy on yourself, have self-compassion, and be patient...what you're doing is hard. I've found that it helps to talk to my "inner child" in the third person. When I'm being hard on myself, when I feel afraid, or like I'm failing. I speak to myself "It's okay honey, this is hard but you're on your way. It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You're safe and we'll get there."
Sorry for the long post. I just know how lonely and afraid I felt and I don't want others to feel how that felt if I can offer any comfort.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much. You are very knowledgeable and I do feel comforted! Your progress is very inspiring and it makes me feel hopeful. Again, I am just so happy someone responded to my thread. We can feel so alone in our minds and it's nice to find people that can relate to you.

I guess I'm still at crossroads between TMS and structural. One day I feel strongly it is TMS (because I've had this occur before years ago, albeit this time I've had worse symptoms! and I ignored the pain and it went away, however, this time I kept being fixated on it from the beginning, "checking" in constantly and gaging the pain level, which I didn't think helped at all and here we are 3 months later). Like you, I stopped doing things I enjoyed (I love to read, playing video games with my brother and husband, book bind, doing barre). I don't think I've gone more than a couple days since December doom scrolling Google and diagnosing myself with 10 different rare diseases. Especially going on Reddit (I've banned myself from Reddit). This has contributed to my unstable mental health and depression. I don't think I've ever experienced such profound sadness / depression in my life! Back in February I had days where I felt like this is it for me. I would never recover. I began having dark thoughts and I saw a psychiatrist to get medication. I took the medication for 2 days and it made me feel 10x worse, I've discontinued it since then.

Yesterday, my body told me to go take care of some weeding around the house. It was a surprise to me that I had this interest and urge. I took it as a sign? I was hesitant because my trigger seems to be bending over. So I went out, however, when I got back inside, I started having pelvic / abdominal pain and freaked out. I had to lie down for it to subside. It didn't do well for my mental health the rest of the day, and I felt really defeated. I sobbed late in day. My husband asked if I did any Dr. Sarno today. I took a shower and sat down and began journaling how I felt. That night I had some insomnia, but I had this new sense of optimism strike me. In bed, whatever position that caused me pain before, I decided to lay in it and not avoid it. I had no pain. I fell asleep. I woke up. I felt good and haven't had huge pain, it's like almost on the edge of starting (if that makes sense?) like it's reminding me, "hey I'm here, don't you forget, don't piss me off" (what does this mean?)

Today, I went to see my PCP to discuss the abdominal CT. One of my triggers is sitting in the car, with my feet flat out. It always seems to cause me discomfort in my abdomen. Like a weird rubber band tightness and tingling / cramping down my inner thigh. I hate it! It made me feel so ANGRY. I couldn't ignore it. It didn't get bad but I was just so angry it was there and made notice of my feelings. Then I began scanning the rest of my body and sitting with the discomfort, just observing. I was really nervous about seeing the PCP. I was angry and nervous and just felt like he wouldn't care / listen to me. He feels there is something there with the mild pelvic congestion syndrome that came up on the report, and he recommends I see my gynae. He also ordered an MRI of my lumbar. I said okay. I didn't argue with him; I understand he is trying to help me. He did ask me if I had time to research it and my thoughts. I said I have and have doom scrolled diagnosing myself with rare disease like Nutcracker Syndrome. I said I was unsure if the back and pelvic pain along with the changing pain down my leg / joints was a part of that or if it was psychosomatic. He didn't bite on my comment on the psychosomatic part, but maybe I wasn't direct / clear enough. So this is why I feel like I am at a cross roads. I know he is trying to help me. At this point I just feel like going through the motions (kind of like you did) for peace of mind and seeing my gynae / see what he thinks. However, I don't know what transpired last night. I felt a different energy / shift that the initial insomnia didn't even bother me? I also am itching to resume my workouts, I was an active person since my teens! But I'm scared...

The one interesting thing out of all of this to come out is I'm listening to my needs. If I want a Coke, I'll have a Coke because my body is craving it. Previously I was strict about my diet and fitness and would never allow myself this. Or if I don't feel like doing the dishes immediately after eating, I'll let them sit until the end of the day. Idk, it feels freeing? Like I'd be crazy about things being out of place and now my body is like "I've had enough of you commanding me when I don't want to do this right now" .

I really, really want to get to this place like you are, how you described below. I want to function normal again where I don't think about discomfort or pain:

"But the most important thing to get across is that the beauty of TMS healing is not only that symptoms will reduce or go away entirely, but that before they even do you actually care LESS about them anyway. You stop feeling afraid of them. I never would've thought that would be true for me, but it is. I still have my bad days. But they don't last, and they're becoming fewer and further in between."

I like all of this you stated, it is good advice:
  • Stop with any physical treatments (pills, creams, PT, stretching). Continuing those things communicates to your brain that the pain is physical. When I stopped trying to accommodate the pain, my life opened up because I was focusing on it less, and it DIDN'T get worse, it got better.
  • Discontinue avoidance behaviors. Lean into the things you are afraid to do. For example, even when I have to pee, I avoided going to the bathroom because I was afraid of feeling the fear and anxiety that would be triggered if I had bladder discomfort after going. I started just going when I needed to even if it felt "too soon". This teaches your brain that you are not afraid of the pain, it's purpose begins to diminish.
  • Learn, learn learn. I talked about this in my first post, but it is how you will begin to believe.
  • Find a method that works for you that can help you get closer to practicing acceptance. This could be the Claire Weekes method, meditation, journaling. People respond differently to different things. Essentially, it is critical to do the emotional work and work towards a state of acceptance.
  • Go easy on yourself, have self-compassion, and be patient...what you're doing is hard. I've found that it helps to talk to my "inner child" in the third person. When I'm being hard on myself, when I feel afraid, or like I'm failing. I speak to myself "It's okay honey, this is hard but you're on your way. It's ok to feel how you're feeling. You're safe and we'll get there."

Again, your progress is inspiring to me. I really want to get to that place where my attention to pain / bodily sensations gets fewer and fewer. Thank you again.
 
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I am so impressed by this conversation, ladies - loving it in fact. And @HealingMe - what a difference a day makes, right? You'll still have ups and downs, because that's life with the mixed blessings of our human brains, so in the down times, just be sure to remind yourself that this too will pass. You will start to have more ups and shorter downs as you stick with this work and make it part of your new life.

Above all, as Nicole Sachs regularly reminds us, always practice kindness and patience for yourself. You've got this.
 
HealingMe said:
I don't think I've gone more than a couple days since December doom scrolling Google and diagnosing myself with 10 different rare diseases. Especially going on Reddit (I've banned myself from Reddit).
Click to expand...

The most important thing you can do right now is ban absolutely any symptom checking / Dr. Googling from your life. When you feel the compulsion to look things up, come here. Read success stories, post for support on a bad day. I didn't realize how much negativity that was causing in my thinking until I stopped. Not to mention, it keeps your focused 100% on the physical pain. Boards that talk about symptoms feel so hopeless and it is a terrible place to spend your time when trying to heal. I have convinced myself of so many diagnoses and not ONE has actually been true to date. I have been so sure, and I was never right, but Dr. Google convinced me. It seems like you know you need to stop, which is good!

HealingMe said:
That night I had some insomnia, but I had this new sense of optimism strike me. In bed, whatever position that caused me pain before, I decided to lay in it and not avoid it. I had no pain. I fell asleep. I woke up. I felt good and haven't had huge pain, it's like almost on the edge of starting (if that makes sense?) like it's reminding me, "hey I'm here, don't you forget, don't piss me off" (what does this mean?)
Click to expand...

I had a terrible bout of insomnia a year and a half ago. I was having intense acute anxiety and could not relax enough to sleep, so I'd lay there for hours, my heart pounding, sweating, getting more anxious that I wasn't sleeping. It took letting go and accepting how I felt and the situation at hand (I'll sleep when I'm ready) to finally overcome it.

That feeling, like your pain is "right on the edge" is exactly how I used to describe my pain in the early days. That feeling is more likely your fear and anxiety than the physical symptoms themselves. I also think this is an indicator that your pain is TMS!

HealingMe said:
At this point I just feel like going through the motions (kind of like you did) for peace of mind and seeing my gynae / see what he thinks. However, I don't know what transpired last night. I felt a different energy / shift that the initial insomnia didn't even bother me?
Click to expand...

I think you need to do what you feel is necessary to get to a place where you can be confident. No one on this forum will ever tell you not to go through the medical channels to rule out something more serious, so I probably would've agreed to the specialist and additional tests if I were in your position. Your decision comes after you have all of the information at hand and trusting that you do indeed have enough information to confirm that your pain is TMS.

Have you heard of Nicole Sachs or listened to her podcast 'The Cure for Chronic Pain'? She's an exceptionally warm and compassionate person that went through awful back pain and had a very scary MRI. She was told by doctors she would never have children. Through TMS, she healed and has multiple kids. She has people on with all sorts of symptoms and talks about the JournalSpeak method in TMS healing. When I was in a dark place, her welcoming and comforting manner of providing the information really uplifted me. You can likely find her easily online or on spotify, etc. if you have something like that.

One last thing - you don't really see the changes happening - the level of your pain, the change in your mindset, your belief - at first. It happens slowly and steadily, but if you keep with the work, it won't take very long before you recognize how far you've come. You get to a point where even though you're still healing, you're ok with where you are today. I have full confidence you will get there.

Do what you need to today to help yourself believe this is TMS, and if that means tests and doctor's visits in these early stages, you shouldn't feel bad about that. Information helps when it comes to TMS!
 
ARCUser831 said:
The most important thing you can do right now is ban absolutely any symptom checking / Dr. Googling from your life. When you feel the compulsion to look things up, come here. Read success stories, post for support on a bad day. I didn't realize how much negativity that was causing in my thinking until I stopped. Not to mention, it keeps your focused 100% on the physical pain. Boards that talk about symptoms feel so hopeless and it is a terrible place to spend your time when trying to heal. I have convinced myself of so many diagnoses and not ONE has actually been true to date. I have been so sure, and I was never right, but Dr. Google convinced me. It seems like you know you need to stop, which is good!



I had a terrible bout of insomnia a year and a half ago. I was having intense acute anxiety and could not relax enough to sleep, so I'd lay there for hours, my heart pounding, sweating, getting more anxious that I wasn't sleeping. It took letting go and accepting how I felt and the situation at hand (I'll sleep when I'm ready) to finally overcome it.

That feeling, like your pain is "right on the edge" is exactly how I used to describe my pain in the early days. That feeling is more likely your fear and anxiety than the physical symptoms themselves. I also think this is an indicator that your pain is TMS!



I think you need to do what you feel is necessary to get to a place where you can be confident. No one on this forum will ever tell you not to go through the medical channels to rule out something more serious, so I probably would've agreed to the specialist and additional tests if I were in your position. Your decision comes after you have all of the information at hand and trusting that you do indeed have enough information to confirm that your pain is TMS.

Have you heard of Nicole Sachs or listened to her podcast 'The Cure for Chronic Pain'? She's an exceptionally warm and compassionate person that went through awful back pain and had a very scary MRI. She was told by doctors she would never have children. Through TMS, she healed and has multiple kids. She has people on with all sorts of symptoms and talks about the JournalSpeak method in TMS healing. When I was in a dark place, her welcoming and comforting manner of providing the information really uplifted me. You can likely find her easily online or on spotify, etc. if you have something like that.

One last thing - you don't really see the changes happening - the level of your pain, the change in your mindset, your belief - at first. It happens slowly and steadily, but if you keep with the work, it won't take very long before you recognize how far you've come. You get to a point where even though you're still healing, you're ok with where you are today. I have full confidence you will get there.

Do what you need to today to help yourself believe this is TMS, and if that means tests and doctor's visits in these early stages, you shouldn't feel bad about that. Information helps when it comes to TMS!
Click to expand...


This is excellent advice. I appreciate this conversation with you, @ARCUser831. I have great hope that the both of us will make progress and recover. Cheers.

P.S. I am adding Nicole Sachs to my podcast. I want to go back to walking outdoors everyday again and I think this will be a great complement.
 
Hi ladies @JanAtheCPA, @ARCUser831

I think I'm going crazy? I followed up with my gynae regarding the pelvic congestion syndrome. He said it's not a true diagnosis. However, what really was interesting, while waiting in the exam room, the pain from my abdomen/pelvis moved to my ladybits to an intense burning... it got so uncomfortable that I turned to my husband and said... I'm on fire down there, what is happening?! it was extremely uncomfortable to sit. Out loud I told myself "this isn't real, it's pscyhological". I left the office without the pain.

This morning I noticed the pain shifted to my left arm and chest and it was also burning. I had to calm myself down and tell myself this is TMS, think psychologically, not physical. It was really painful, but once I got to the gynae, that's when the pain subsided and shifted. I think I'm starting to get convinced... how is it that TMS can make the pain so specific and feel SO real!?
 
HealingMe said:
how is it that TMS can make the pain so specific and feel SO real!?
Click to expand...
LOL, this might be a rhetorical question on your part, but just in case it isn't, or if there are others who are seriously asking this question, the answer is that ALL pain, and in fact every single physiological process or sensation in our bodies, is produced by our brains, not by the body part where we sense these things.

This is a neuroscientific fact.

The hard thing to understand is why our brains do this for no apparent reason. It is, however, the exact same mechanism which is at play in Phantom Limb Pain, which I'm sure you've heard of, right? If you haven't, look it up!

Anyway, good job! You are well on your way! dancea
 
JanAtheCPA said:
L
The hard thing to understand is why our brains do this for no apparent reason. It is, however, the exact same mechanism which is at play in Phantom Limb Pain, which I'm sure you've heard of, right? If you haven't, look it up!
Click to expand...

To be quite honest when I first stumbled upon TMS, specifically 'The MindBody Prescription' I was skeptical, but said what the heck I'll give it a try. For the first couple of days I felt like everything I've known had much deeper layer to it. And that freaked me out - I had anxiety that this was an actual thing. I had a conversation with my husband, and he is a very rational "mind over body" engineer type of person. He said that it makes perfect sense to him. He mentioned he recently saw an interview with a weight lifter who was lifting and breaking records. Well, apparently he found out incidentally that he's had a terribly fractured back... but no pain... and kept lifting without knowing about it. The mind is WILD.

I will definitely look into phantom limb - it sounds very interesting.
 
There's a famous incident of a construction worker who stepped on an enormous nail poking out of a board and it went right through his boot and poked up on top. He was in agony as he was rushed to the ER with his boots still on. When they carefully removed his boot it was discovered that the nail had gone between his toes. Apparently quite true and well documented. Wait... here's a Psychology Today article all about it, with a full explanation of the neuroscience. And a second amazing story:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pain-explained/201911/tale-two-nails (A Tale of Two Nails)
 
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