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Pelvic floor?!

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Anthrax, Feb 20, 2018.

  1. Anthrax

    Anthrax New Member

    Hi. It started about 2 months ago, sharp sensation under my left leg, then moved to my left testicle. Went to see urologyst who gave me cypro 10 days (epydidimitis), but no improvement. After 10 days i went to see another urologist who did UV of my testicles and said i had no infections or whatsoever, i should go to orthopedist. I went to physio and he said my psoas is contracted, I started to stretch my psoas and was feeling better (mostly when I move around) so I went to PT, and he said my psoas is not so tight at all. He pulled my legs, back and neck, i felt pain in rectum. Tomorrow when i woke up, my rectum was burning and no meds helped. Day after, all symptoms were gone and I thought it's ok now. But 2 days later it all returned, burning sensation in rectum and perineum. It's been 4 weeks, sometimes I have tingling sensation in my buttcheeks and rectum, but when I press my sphincters I start to have heat sensation in my perineum but rectum doesn't hurt anymore. If i drop pelvic floor, rectum hurts, and perineum doesn't (or little, very hard to tell.). When i press my pubic bone it hurts alot, but usually i don't feel the pain.

    I had MRI & Xray (pelvis), proctologist who did digitorectal (I mentioned him pudendal nerve) and i didn't feel any pain during exam (he was pressing hard, and said my muscles are ok). 2 Neurologists said that's not REAL neuralgic symptoms, but noone told me what it is. I'm feeling hopeless cause I don't know what's going on with me. I have no bladder/BM problems. Doctor told me ligaments/joints/muscles around my pubic bone are inflamed and I should rest, but I don't want to be alone in the apartment and google pudendal nerve entrapments so I go to work.

    5 years ago I had strange sensations and pain in my left shoulder and dizziness. After numerous exams, I went to psychiatrist for 5 sessions (took antidepressant medicine for a 1.5 years) and it went away in couple of days. 2 years ago, on vacation, I felt vertigo and heavy breathing, went to ER, they gave me diazepam and I felt better. After that, everyday I was scared this will happen again, and then in 4 or 5 days returned, but for a couple of hours. I feel much anxiety and like I'm going to pass out when there are plenty of people, I just want to go home (where I'm safe obviously). I found a new job 4 months ago and I'm still on the college (for 11 years, 1 exam left). Have a girlfriend and a dog living all together in rented apartment. My life should be nice, but I have these symptoms and they are driving me crazy and now I am very depressive. I googled a lot about pudendal neuralgia, I think i have that, and I feel 3 times worse. I have no pain when sitting, only tingling sensation in perianal area or burnings. Sometimes my feet burn too or buttocks.

    My parents were bad, they never loved me (the way i wanted to), now my mother left my father and I feel sorry for him and hate her, I know i have some kind of "mommy" issues as well. Can all this be just in my head, because I don't know what should I do next, doctors obviously can not help me in my country.

    Thanks, and sorry for (maybe) bad english
    bio6626 likes this.
  2. Ewok2

    Ewok2 Peer Supporter

    Hi :)

    You’ve been throughly examined and they really can’t find anything wrong. Your pain changes and comes and go. You have a history of anxiety. Sounds exactly like TMS.

    Read Dr. Sarno’s The Mindbody Prescription.

    Go into the success stories sub forum and read Ezer’s story and there are several other pelvic pain recovery stories. Good luck
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Ewok2 likes this.
  4. NicoleB34

    NicoleB34 Well known member

    the area of pain sounds like pudendal neuralgia, (i have it too) but before you freak out, PN is indeed TMS. There are people here who have successfully beat it. I'm still struggling, but that's because i'm still trying to figure it all out. When you said you feel better "when you move around" that's exactly how i feel. One thing i notice, is when my mind and body are distracted, like if i'm moving around doing housework or yard work, even shopping, my pain is very low, even gone. For instance, last Friday, i was having a bad pain day. Medication was hardly helping. Then i went to a friend's house and we were working on our bicycles (yes, i ride bikes with PN!) and there was lot of time on my feet, and heavy concentration with what i was doing. Hours later, i realized i was in no pain. Not only that, but i was past the point where i should have re-upped my meds. When i got home and rested, and got "bored" again, the pain rushed back like a waterfall. Alan Gorden mentions associations a lot. For whatever reason, my brain has made associations with boredom and pain. Whenever i lay around, playing on my phone, i tend to feel bored and sorry for myself, like i'm a loser with no life. That's when the pain shoots thru the roof. However when i'm up milling around and DOING something, i seem to have no pain. That pretty much rules out nerve damage. So i'm trying to figure out, how i can have no pain and still allow myself to rest. Clearly i cant be doing constant on my feet activity the rest of my life. I still have a desk job, and i need to rest at some point.
    bio6626, plum and JanAtheCPA like this.
  5. Anthrax

    Anthrax New Member

    When I read “pudendal” I almost fainted.. I’m freaked out by that word and symptoms and I keep thinking about my pain all the time. When I’m at work, sitting and working, it’s all fine, and then I just remind myself and feel burning. Tried to ignore it last 2 days and I felt better, today same shit. It’s not PAIN.. it’s burning and tingling, so annoying.
    Ewok2 likes this.
  6. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great post, Nicole.

    You've accepted the evidence - step 1!

    You're aware of the associations - step 2!

    Step 3 is to realize that the negative thoughts are generated by your fearful primitive brain - and to find positive and self-soothing thoughts to counteract the negative ones. It's time to take control! I feel like you're really close.
    plum likes this.
  7. NicoleB34

    NicoleB34 Well known member

    i dont get tingling, but burning is my main symptom. sometimes a few sharp electrical feelings, but the thing about neuralgia is, you can get all sorts of odd sensations. Some people consider pudendal, pelvic floor dysfunction, interstitial cystitis, urethral syndrome, non-bacterial prostatitis, trigonitis, vulvodynia, and others to be lumped into one big syndrome, and that is "chronic pelvic pain syndrome", which of course many will tell you is TMS.
    Syl likes this.
  8. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    sorry if I intrude .. but I'm very interested at the step 3, in particular ..It's time to take control.. ( in truth I'm interested in everything you can tell me)

    JanAtheCPA a question..
    lately I have noticed that a couple of symptoms are lowering (very important for me!), in fact I do not remember exactly the last time I felt them..
    I do not know why it's happening and it will last over time, but I thought this thing happened because now I try to listen to my needs and I do it with some small changes in my life..but very small changes, I demonstrate to myself a bit of care and love .. I do not put pressure on myself, I claim my right to be not perfect and I try not to judge myself .. I would however make another small step forward and then I ask you ... how can I take control and improve ?
    I feel I have not yet clear the process, even if I 'm getting better ... and I do not say that I am getting better only physically but ... I seem to be more quiet even if many symptoms are still there.
    I feel like a child who is discovering the world. please teach me :) Could you give me some suggestions?

    one last thing ... to talk about associations ... if I get bored I become anxious ..

    thank you so much
    plum likes this.
  9. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Mary - these are all good questions.

    When I talk about taking control, I'm talking about taking BACK control from your primitive fearful brain, which is constantly bombarding you (all of us) with negative and fearful thoughts. This is what is happening when you become bored, and then you become anxious. There is some kind of fear that produces a negative message, that is being triggered by the boredom. You'll need to figure out what the fear is, and hear what the negative message is. Once you do that, you can counter that message with a new, productive and constructive message.

    My best personal example is what happens if I've over-eaten, especially at night. I might start feeling a bit queasy when I go to bed. My brain immediately starts with these messages: Uh-oh, this isn't good - what if this gets worse? What if you start feeling really sick? You better be prepared to be up all night. What if it's something else? What if, what if what if.......... Oh Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

    The productive or positive counter-message is: Hey! This isn't necessary! We're going to just take some deep breaths, and we're going to assume that everything is fine, and I can digest all that food with no problem, because I'm not getting sick, and in fact I can sleep through the night just fine. So Calm Down!!!!!!

    Back in the bad old (pre-Sarno) days, I suffered through many long nights and was of course exhausted and unhappy the next day. But this absolutely works, every single time, to keep that from happening anymore. Because, like I tell myself: THIS IS NOT NECESSARY!

    TrustIt, plum and Mary80 like this.
  10. Mary80

    Mary80 Peer Supporter

    thanks! I'm trying to practice everything I've read here on the forum and on the books and these are very precious explanations for me
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  11. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Oh sweetheart, this intense fear is well known to your fellow tms'ers. Before I started to heal I was petrified by anything dental. No wonder TMS chose my mouth as the place to manifest. Fear is the fuel for TMS (to quote @Alan Gordon LCSW).

    You're in the right place in coming here. Stop googling your symptoms and instead start to explore the different books and threads recommended above. Ezer's story is perfect because he really struggled but recovered in the end. A lot of us can relate to that.

    Keep your spirits up.

    Plum x
    TrustIt, JanAtheCPA and Mary80 like this.
  12. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    You'll get there Mary. At this point in your healing your focus ought be on being very patient yet persistent. It can feel very two steps forward, one step back, but this is how recovery is for a while. You're learning how to self-care and self-soothe and the good news is that all your efforts are culmulative. At some point the dam will break and healing will cascade through you. No day is ever sweeter.

    Plum x
    TrustIt, JanAtheCPA and Mary80 like this.
  13. Anthrax

    Anthrax New Member

    I started psychotherapy 3 months ago. In the frist meeting I started to talk about my parents (mainly mother) and cried for 50 minutes. I had to block and ignore her while I resolve my issues with that, so we are not speaking for 3 months now. I had an exam in april (last one) and day before I was going to start learning, I was desperate about my pain, cried all day, called my father and was suicidal. I realized that was escape from learning, so I told to myself I am going to learn no matter how bad it hurts. For 10 days, every morning I woke up looking at picture of myself when I was 5 years old and cried for half an hour, then just started to learn for 12-14 hours a day. While I was learning, I almost had no pain for the most of the day, just when I go out for a walk with a dog or when I go to sleep in bed. After i passed the exam, the moment i went out in the backyard of college, pain was so severe that I couldn't enjoy passing the exam. Sometimes I actually concentrate on my pain and I realize it isn't here, and this happens only when I'm with my friends, or having sex, taking a shower, cooking, washing dishes and similar. First thing in the morning is to measure my pain (it's not here, but then it kicks in in 5 minutes or so). While I was learning, i just woke up - cry - learn, and I can't remember if I had pain or not.

    Lately I discovered about my fears of finishing college (I study for 12 years) / working / having children.. being adult mainly. Last couple of years I felt like shit because I was studying and my girlfriend was working all the time. I tried to work as a physics instructor (I am physics student), but it was only for couple of hours weekly. I was affraid of going anywhere (for a coffee, to a restaurant, to work, to my parents, to vacation) and even to drink a couple of beers cause I was affraid something bad will happen to me.

    After reading Alan's explanation on fears and talking to my therapist about my fear of growing up and not being able to be a responsible adult I kind of realized that fear is eating me alive. I'm scared about PN diagnosis even if my pain is not worse in the evening, doesn't increase when i'm sitting, don't have sexual/urinary/bm problems etc. I'm scared that I will never get away from this pain. I'm scared that my life will be miserable and I will be sick for the rest of my life. I'm scared other people have more money and are happier and more capable then me. Sometimes I think I want all that, I want to be in pain, I don't want to grow up and be responsible, I wanted to study for that long time.. and I realized that with or without pain I need to change myself. Now I think the pain that started after my parents divorced, we moved to another apartment, started to work was a signal and alarm for a change. I hope pain will go away too, but I think I need to learn a lot from it about myself and my issues in life.

    Need to say that last week, day before my father was coming to town, pain was more severe for 2 days, and 3 weeks before, I woke up one day (it was saturday), we went for a coffee, talked about random shit, had sex.. I had very little or no pain all day long. It is very strange thing (this pain) :)

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