Paying Lip Service to TMS?

[KathyC]

I fear this is all I am doing. I strongly believe in TMS , but likely for all others-- and not me who is "uniquely defective", perhaps? There couldn't be a more arduous student than me regarding psychosomatic disease. 80% of the authors mentioned by Sarno have been in my library for 30 years. Dr. Bernie Seigel helped me through 3 cancer bouts--I'm 16 years cancer free. I spent the majority of my adult life in psychotherapy, 12 step programs. If what is suppressed is worse than what I can easily recall, I'm not sure I want to go there. I'm bored with my "story" and sick of analyzing it. "Fibromyalgia" plagues me (my doc says), along with x-rays and scans supporting other in-vogue maladies. I poo-poo it all and still I hurt despite constant reading of Sarno's books and journaling---now in Dr.Schechter's workbook, just arrived. What kind of con job am I pulling on myself?

 

[gailnyc]

Kathy, have you tried meditation or other types of mindfulness techniques? Some people seem to find that more effective than journaling.

 

[Ftaghn!]

I can see what you mean, and I relate strongly to this. I also do the paying lip service to TMS thing, but not because it has healed me, as it hasn't. I do because I can see that it has done a great deal for a lot of people, at a minimal cost. I have -never- in the past been for alternative or integrative medicine, and I still am not, but TMS for some reason seems to actually work, in many cases.

I'm not in a good place to give advice, but maybe it would be good to not try to do everything the TMS way for a while. Perhaps take a step back, and slow down on pressuring yourself too much to "do things right".

 

[KathyC]

Kathy, have you tried meditation or other types of mindfulness techniques? Some people seem to find that more effective than journaling.

Thank you kindly for your reply. Yes, I have even spent great money to learn Transcendental Meditation, and moved to a spiritual community for 6 months that practices TM. I had lunch with John Kabat-Zinn, author and teacher of mindfulness, on one occasion. Again, I think I am getting a pay off for keeping the pain. More than just my brain protecting me from suppressed rage-----more along the lines of Pavlov's dog---it's a practiced habit. Aside from a therapeutic setting, where is it convenient or safe to try to tap into suppressed rage?

 

[KathyC]

I can see what you mean, and I relate strongly to this. I also do the paying lip service to TMS thing, but not because it has healed me, as it hasn't. I do because I can see that it has done a great deal for a lot of people, at a minimal cost. I have -never- in the past been for alternative or integrative medicine, and I still am not, but TMS for some reason seems to actually work, in many cases.

I'm not in a good place to give advice, but maybe it would be good to not try to do everything the TMS way for a while. Perhaps take a step back, and slow down on pressuring yourself too much to "do things right".

Thank you too for your reply. I firmly believe the 1000's of testimonies I find here and in Sarno's experience. I think I am alive today because I believed in the power of the mindbody view. I wish I had no experience with it and had come to it fresh like so many who were relieved of pain simply by reading his book. The message I get over and over is to continually keep reading and journaling to overcome disbelief. I think I need to figure out my pay off for keeping the pain. Thanks again for taking time to comment and best wishes to you. Kathy

 

[Leslie]

The message I get over and over is to continually keep reading and journaling to overcome disbelief. I think I need to figure out my pay off for keeping the pain.

The more I journal the deeper the ocean of emotional pain seems to get. It seems that my brain has been "protecting" me, whether with anxiety, depression, or physical pain since I was about 4 or 5. This is just a thought I had about myself recently but your posts resonate with me so much that I want to share it with you. I don't know if it's so much that keeping the pain (physical or emotional) gives a payoff or more that it truly is all some of us know. Possibly being "pain free" is such a pipe dream to some of us that the "pay off for keeping it" is simply that we continue to exist - that it's so much of our identity that some part of us believes that without it we would have none.

** please disregard the "tms guru" that appears with my avatar. I do not believe myself to be any such thing**

 

[KathyC]

Thanks, Leslie, for your taking the time to comment. As Byron Katie asks, "Who would you be without your story?" I used to have that on a T-shirt. I kinda believe it for myself. Again, thanks, Kathy

 

[veronica73]

I don't think there is any one "right" way to recover from TMS. The same personality that drives the disorder comes up as you try to heal from it. I actually like my TMS personality--it's helped me get ahead at work over the years--but I have to just be aware that the way I approach things is not always the best for the given situation.

For me the two keys to recovery were 1) learning about TMS (reading the books, understanding and eventually believing the diagnosis) and then 2) learning to love and accept the parts of myself that I find terrible and shameful (this is still ongoing!) I haven't uncovered any forgotten memories or anything like that. I don't expect to uncover everything in my unconscious, just the things that bubble up to the surface. And I just want to love whatever is locked in the basement of my mind...I don't need to know what it all is. (I think SteveO calls that "psychoarcheaology")

I am currently pain free, but more importantly, I am finally learning to accept myself as I am. It's a journey, and it takes time.

 

[KathyC]

Veronica! Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I love the term, "psychoarcheology". Perfect. I think I have held fears of this vision of my having to rant and rave and weep and rail against all the injustices of life after digging and digging-----when I know deep in my heart no one escapes unscathed in life from things that may enrage us. It's life. Just to be able to say "OUCH" when tread upon has taken me way too long, and still difficult at times. But you are right, acceptance of myself, as-is, warts and all is the order of the day. Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson and Debbie Ford wrote a book about our shadow self and making friends with our dark side. I think this the same thing. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Kathy, I had an interesting reaction to your post here - which is that I think you are still driving yourself to perfectionism. That's just my gut feeling, mind you, but it seems to me that you're so busy making lists of therapies, and books, and health battles and successes, that you aren't allowing yourself to just BE.

Mind you, being cancer-free after three bouts is of course a HUGE success - but I also know that people who fight that fight are very driven and also have a tendency to be very inwardly-focused. You HAVE to be both of those things to heal yourself of cancer - but do you have to be that way the rest of your life?

Remember, Dr Gabor Mate teaches us that if you won't say "NO", that your body will eventually say NO for you.

I just have this feeling that you are one of those people who is always taking care of others, always being asked to do things, and that you always, always, say Yes. You also ask a lot of yourself, and you never say No to yourself, either - you've always got a goal ahead of you, striving for a new level of achievement or awareness, or ... you name it.

I'm just guessin', here, Kathy! You can let me know if I'm full of rubbish

I love what Veronica said (I often do because she's so wise)

Jan

 

[KathyC]

Jan, I had an "interesting" reaction to your comments about me. Ouch. I'm all neatly summarized and categorized and pigeon-holed after one post.

 

[veronica73]

Feelin' the love today

Kathy, funny you mentioned that Debbie Ford book--my therapist recommended it and I just got it from the library on Saturday.

 

[KathyC]

Veronica, I learned of it by seeing Debbie Ford on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. Really good interview.