Became aware of TMS about 4 days ago. Have no problem w/the idea at all. Friend recommended it as solution to anxiety/panic issue. Didn't think I had much body pain when I started.
Today, I forced myself to do something I avoid when ever possible. I went to a grocery store. I have done this in the past, but usually avoid it until I absolutely have to get something that can't be gotten at the small shop 2 miles from my home. (The grocery store is 7 miles away). I can't call it a complete win because I still did it at 3am. BUT, I did go into isles that I normally wouldn't, said "thank you" to a person there, and forced myself to watch one of the other shoppers. (Not creepy, but acknowledge they were there and not attacking me in any way). AND, now I feel like I've been thrown into a log tumbler. My body hurts all over and through and through. Muscles, intestines, chest, neck, head... but, I'm breathing normalish and there are no knives sticking through my ribs except one spot.
So, I did the Day 2 reading. Brian's story reminded me about how I'd also gone through a period of 'carpal tunnel syndrome.' I was lucky enough to have no health insurance so was never subjected to the stuff that he went through. Mine was both wrists and bad enough that they hurt constantly and I sometimes would jerk violently for no reason when it sent shocks into either of my hands because the shocks felt like I'd touched a live electric wire. Try explaining to a stranger standing next to you why you just suddenly back handed them no reason... not fun. But, that was years ago. But, this TMS may have been an issue much longer than I initially thought.
So, the 3 things that make me angry were all initially related to US politics or the US culture. I think I feel genuine visceral anger over the topics that came to mind. I get hot and feel utterly compelled to debate the issue to try to get the other person to understand my point of view.
For three things that make me sad, I came up with a blank. I tried thinking about when I've cried recently, and I cry very, very easily... but it's always either gratitude... someone gave me 3 pounds of venison meat and I started crying... or 'empathy' crying... like a friend told me that her dad was in the hospital with something serious and I started crying about that. Or, I cry about the way some things are in the US culture.
I apologize for posting if it's not what's intended. But, I know I'm missing the mark here and I'm not comfortable talking to people I know about this stuff. The one person that I'm close enough to talk to is going through a lot of her own issues right now and I don't want to add to her burdens. Any hints, or tips, or tricks about how to figure out what you're internally angry about or what you're internally sad about would be appreciated.
Today, I forced myself to do something I avoid when ever possible. I went to a grocery store. I have done this in the past, but usually avoid it until I absolutely have to get something that can't be gotten at the small shop 2 miles from my home. (The grocery store is 7 miles away). I can't call it a complete win because I still did it at 3am. BUT, I did go into isles that I normally wouldn't, said "thank you" to a person there, and forced myself to watch one of the other shoppers. (Not creepy, but acknowledge they were there and not attacking me in any way). AND, now I feel like I've been thrown into a log tumbler. My body hurts all over and through and through. Muscles, intestines, chest, neck, head... but, I'm breathing normalish and there are no knives sticking through my ribs except one spot.
So, I did the Day 2 reading. Brian's story reminded me about how I'd also gone through a period of 'carpal tunnel syndrome.' I was lucky enough to have no health insurance so was never subjected to the stuff that he went through. Mine was both wrists and bad enough that they hurt constantly and I sometimes would jerk violently for no reason when it sent shocks into either of my hands because the shocks felt like I'd touched a live electric wire. Try explaining to a stranger standing next to you why you just suddenly back handed them no reason... not fun. But, that was years ago. But, this TMS may have been an issue much longer than I initially thought.
So, the 3 things that make me angry were all initially related to US politics or the US culture. I think I feel genuine visceral anger over the topics that came to mind. I get hot and feel utterly compelled to debate the issue to try to get the other person to understand my point of view.
For three things that make me sad, I came up with a blank. I tried thinking about when I've cried recently, and I cry very, very easily... but it's always either gratitude... someone gave me 3 pounds of venison meat and I started crying... or 'empathy' crying... like a friend told me that her dad was in the hospital with something serious and I started crying about that. Or, I cry about the way some things are in the US culture.
I apologize for posting if it's not what's intended. But, I know I'm missing the mark here and I'm not comfortable talking to people I know about this stuff. The one person that I'm close enough to talk to is going through a lot of her own issues right now and I don't want to add to her burdens. Any hints, or tips, or tricks about how to figure out what you're internally angry about or what you're internally sad about would be appreciated.
I'm on day 34. Take care !!!